5) Hancock (2008) – $227,946,275
“Yes, I did everything I could to save this movie. No, I am not responsible for the script edits, and…you know what? No further questions!”
This movie made me really sad, because while watching it I could easily see how it could have been amazing. Unfortunately a plot schism and too many PG-13 cutbacks completely neutered the project, so much so that even Will Smith couldn’t save it. Fortunately his hilarity filled trailers were enough to make this movie an absurd amount of money.
4) Signs (2002) – $227,966,634
“What do you mean this stuff covers 75% of this planet? Who did the research for this invasion? Man, I am going to #$^#ing kill Zogbar…”
The beginning of the end for M. Night Shyamalan. His first two projects were brilliant, and even 4/5ths of this movie was, but it has to go down as one of the worst endings for a film ever written. WATER?!? What if it $@%#ing rained when the aliens attacked? Did anyone ever consider that?
3) I Am Legend (2007) – $ 256,393,010
“Oh no, a horribly rendered CGI monster, what ever will I do?”
Here Will Smith carries another horrible movie to the promised land thanks to a well shot trailer. And like Hancock, tragically the film could have been great, if it had decided to stay anywhere remotely close to the original script draft. They even shot a damn alternate ending that would have made the thing 50% better, but the test audiences didn’t like it. Boo hoo.
2) Meet the Fockers (2004) – $279,261,160
What’s the opposite of an erection?
What? Where did this come from? I know everyone liked Meet the Parents, but come on, $280M for this nonsense? I guess everyone’s parents love Barbara Streisand enough to see her acting for the first time in eight years. Can anyone remember just one joke from this movie, one?
1) Spider-Man 3 (2007) – $336,530,303
“Oh yeah! I hope Mary Jane bought her tickets….to the GUN SHOW!”
Yes, I’m ending with a sequel, but it’s the worst offender of all. The first two Spidermans (Spidermen?) were exercises in Sam Raimi’s brilliance, but for the third one I’m fairly certain he handed over directing duties to Brett Ratner, because that’s the only way to explain the amount of singing and dancing in this allegedly dark movie. Three too many villains, two too many musical outbursts, and one too many emo haircuts.