10) XXX (2002) – $142,109,382
“Oh, the tribal tattoo? Yeah, it turns a lot of people on.”
This one was hard to put on the list, because I love XXX, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a terrible, terrible movie. Vin Diesel as Xander Cage rail-grinding on dinner trays, snowboarding through avalanches and stealing cars with Tony Hawk makes for one of the most absurd “action” movies ever made.
9) Wild Hogs (2007) – $168,273,550
People underestimate the appeal of the Tool Man.
What??? I was stunned to see this anywhere near the top 500 all-time grosser list, much less this high up. I guess this made so much money for the same reason Ghost Rider made $45 million it’s opening weekend, America loves motorcycles…and Tim Allen.
8 ) Planet of the Apes (2001) – $180,011,740
“Really, you’re a slave girl? I produce Entourage.”
Another craptastic big budget remake, except this one was hyped beyond belief before it was released. And really, it could have been good with Tim Burton behind the helm, but somewhere between awkward monkey face makeup and Mark Wahlberg, everything that made the original good got lost. Also, I still don’t understand the end. Why was there a monkey Abraham Lincoln?
7) The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – $186,740,799
What’s the big deal? This is how I feel during winter in New York.
God, normally I love a good Roland Emmerich disaster flick, but The Day After Tomorrow was an awful cheap trick. It tried to capitalize on the Al Gore global warming phenomenon, but the film was an unscientific grisly mess. Really, the whole world can freeze over tomorrow if I leave my AC on all night?
6) Pearl Harbor (2001) – $198,542,554
“In seven years I’ll be out of work and you’ll be a vampire.”
Hype, hype, hype, hype, hype. That’s why this absurdly budgeted movie made any money at all. Choosing two pillars of acting like Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett probably wasn’t the best route to go, nor was choosing the make a movie about the worst battle the US ever lost. There was an hour of a good movie in here, unfortunately the damn thing lasted for three.