Realistically Casting the Gears of War Movie


Gears of War creator Cliff Bles

zinski appears to be slightly delusional when it comes to casting the upcoming Gears movie. Granted any game creator doesn’t want their pride and joy turned into a horrendous movie, but Blezinski should check with the guys behind Doom, Alone in the Dark, Dead or Alive and Max Payne if he wants to see how that usually works out. Here’s an excerpt from his IGN interview where he talks about casting the lead, the refrigerator-esque Marcus Fenix:

“Definitely not a wrestler. I think just go with a real actor…You know… like a Clive Owen type; somebody who can actually act and is incredibly charismatic. And they can put him on a workout plan for six months so he can build the muscle mass he needs.”

Overlooking the fact that Clive Owen would never be in a Gears of War movie even if you paid him all the profits from Gears of War 2, in order to build up the muscle mass required he’d most likely have to undergo some sort of experimental gene therapy, seeing that no living person has biceps as large as their head.So I thought I’d save you some trouble Cliff, and show you what your cast will probably look like unless by some miracle Warner Bros. gives you a $300 million budget and the Cohen brothers to direct. The caliber isn’t what you’d call “A-list” but hey, no wrestlers!

Casting begins after the jump:

Marcus Fenix – Patrick Warburton

gears marcus

That’s right, Puddy. You get Puddy. He may have only had a handful of real roles over the years, but I’ll be damned if you tell me he doesn’t look the part. The constant squint, the set jaw, he’s got it all!

Dominic Santiago – Mario Lopez

gears dom

Can Lopez act in a serious role? I mean, I never saw Pacific Blue, but I suppose it’s possible. It did however, take me about 19 pages of Google image results to find a picture of him where he wasn’t smiling like a jackass. He’s Latino and jacked, what more do you need?

Damon Baird – Paul Walker

gears baird

Paul Walker can’t land a leading role unless it involves being frequently shirtless or driving cars with glowing neon lights underneath them. I’m sure he’d give a big “helllll yeah!” to the prospect of being the annoying blonde-haired Baird, because it’s not like he’s doing anything else. Wait, another one? Seriously?

Augustus Cole – Terry Tate

gears cole

When casting the “large black man” role, everyone always turns to Michael Clarke Duncan, but I think he’s a bit out of our price range. Terry Tate on the other hand has the personality, the body and the pro-sports background to fill the blood-stained boots of the “Cole Train.” Can’t you just picture him sacking the shit out of a Locust?

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  1. bottom two are good but i think there are better choices from Marcus and Dom for example Marcus could be played by Dominic Purcell and as for Dom im not sure yet lol

  2. ok so terry tate is goin to play cole. For Marcus Fenix you have to decide between Mickey Rourke(who has muscle build after his movie “The Wrestler”) or Dave Batista who has a tremendous build and has the skills needed. Paul Walker is a good fit for Damon Baird as they look almost exactly alike. For Dom Santiago you have to put serious thought into Dwanye Johnson aka The Rock. Thank You.

  3. I was thinking Vinnie Jones or Dominic Purcell for Marcus, Ryan Reynolds or Sean William Scott for Baird, Jason Scott Lee for Kim, Micheal Jai White for Cole, Lee Ermey for Hoffman, and maybe Jay Hernandez for Dom (he might need to bulk up).

    Micheal Jai White is the ultimate Cole Train as he is bulked up like crazy, and not only looks the part but has the bad ass voice too. Jason Scott Lee looks almost identical to Kim and if you need reference check him out oposite Kurt Russell in Soldier.

    Would love to hear what you think of my choices.

  4. Hey, I wanted to say, good call on casting “Terry Tate” for Cole. However, you forgot a minor fact that elnds itself very strongly to a major fact that makes your position even stronger. “Terry Tate” was a character he played for an ad campaign (I think it was Rebok?), the actor’s real name is Lester Speight. Here’s the real kicker. He’s already THE VOICE OF AGUSTUS COLE in the games. Just an FYI. 😉

  5. What the heck? The main characters do NOT have to be pretty boys, they need to be MEN. Knock it off! AND you forgot the Gears women!

    Marcus-Vinnie Jones yes because he’s awesome or Gerard Butler or Edgar Ramirez(made to look older) or Matthew Willig
    Dom-Franky G
    Cole-Lester Speight(made to look younger) yes
    Baird-Til Schweiger or Bradley Cooper
    Tai-Temura Morrison
    Hoffman-R Lee yes
    Prescott-Jason Isaacs
    Kim-Jason Scott Lee yes
    Anya-Charlize Theron or Scarlett Johanson(made to look older)
    Major Helena Stroud-Kim Cattrall
    Sam Byrne-Jessica Biel
    Bernie-Sigourney Weaver or a more affordable choice Selena Ward
    Maria-Paz Vega

  6. I think that Ryan Reynolds should play Carmine as long as he always has the helmet on. He is snarky and buff, but just dont play him up as a lead just use his comedic skill set and muscles to carry the character.

  7. marcus:batista,since he is starting house of the rising sun,scorpion king 3,wrongside of town…or Matthew Willig
    dom:dominic purcell for god,s sake the look the voice the name
    cole:Lester Speight
    adam fenix:bald jeff bridges
    Hoffman:ron pearlman
    Dizzy Wallen:Mickey rourke with beard little buff and accent 😉
    Anya stroud:scarlet johanson or mila jivovich
    Locust queen:angelina jolie
    barid:Neal McDonough
    Tai Kaliso:Lobo Sebastian.

  8. Kim:Jason Scott Lee
    Dom:another suggestions franky G
    marcus:i saw an actor in a commercial low budget movie dunno what its called there was a guy training with a knife and martial arts maybe 2008-2009 and has shredded abs black hair blue eyes looks alot like marcus and has a thick voice.
    tai:the rock
    baird:ryan reynolds
    cole train:terry crews
    Hoffman:r Lee

  9. Marcus: Randy Couture
    Dom: Mario Lopez
    Cole: Lester Speight
    Baird: Ryan Reynolds
    Hoffman: R Lee Ermey
    Raam: Ron Pearlman
    Tai: The Rock
    Minh: Jason Scott Lee
    Dizzy: TBD

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