When Guns Just Won’t Cut It: Six Incredibly Cool Improvised Weapons From Movies

Mech Loader from Aliens

James Cameron reminding us why space is fucking awesome.

I bet you thought I was gonna pick all ninja shit for this list, huh? Or a ton of spy stuffz? Nopers. When I think improvised weaponry, NOTHING is all cool to me as Ripley using the mech loader to fight the alien queen at that climax of Aliens. That was a (fictitious) bot that was (fictitiously) designed to carry heavy loads with little impact on the wearer. Instead, it becomes this awesome, yellow space armor with killer “rock ’em sock ’em” action. It carries stuff and it it yellow, so in theory, it sounds super lame, but what it really did was instill a serious mech adoration in a bunch of young people like myself who  saw it and was all: I WILL own one of those one day.

And it’s clear to see how deep its roots reach into pop culture:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAhujzWJClw

The Silverback mechs in Gears of War 3 were obviously modeled after the mech loader from Aliens.

Arm Chainsaw from Both Evil Dead Franchises 

I hate to be cliche, but honestly, hail to the king, baby.

While I won’t spoil anything about the new Evil Dead for those of you who (foolishly) have not seen it yet, you still should stop reading now and go on to the next one on the list, knowing I am right. I will say that the arm chainsaw is not only one of the coolest improvised weapons in all of film, but also one of THE COOLEST THINGS EVER. While the tone of the two movies approaches the scene and improvisation differently, I can honestly say that any situation where someone can add a chainsaw to their stump of an arm, and the kill evil things with said chainsaw, is pretty fucking groovy, baby.

If you want to know my more in-depth thoughts on the new Evil Dead, click here. And stay tuned, because Paul and I are going to be debating this film’s worth on Unreality, very, VERY soon.

The Carrot in Shoot ‘Em Up

Shoot  ‘Em Up is, in my opinion, a wildly misunderstood (and sofa king awesome) film.

Oh, Shoot ‘Em Up. Much like the newborn in your picture, you were born into a world just not ready for you. So many people tell me they hated Shoot ‘Em Up for how unbelievable and over the top it was, and that enrages me. So, in essence, you hated what it was trying to mock? Shouldn’t that make you love it by default? And nothing stands as more  of a satire to just how meta was than the constant use of the carrot as a prop by the Clive Owen character.

And for those blissfully unaware of things, that carrot was a visual homage to Bugs Bunny. The cockiest bugger who ever lived (on celluloid). That was the film’s way of saying: We know what we are doing, we know this is silly and comical, and we are embracing that. And my God, they did so beautifully (IMO). The carrot gets used as a knife, it gets used to keep a trigger held down to make a gun automatic, and it is wholly jammed into a man’s eye socket. Actually, enough carrot talk. You need to see this shit in action to really grasp how awesomesauce it is. Like it or not, this is improvised weaponry taken to the extreme, and for that reason, I had to end the list with it.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbeiQaISGA4

From soundtrack to casting, this film is just pure, unbridled awesome.

Speaking of awesome, did I ever tell you about that guy who tried to warn people about his AIDS through passive aggressive songwriting? Now THAT’S an improvised weapon!