Game of Thrones Review: Walk of Punishment
Last night’s episode of Game of Thrones was a whirlwind, taking us across nearly all major character groups except…Bran and his new Reed friends, I believe. And the little bird, Sana.
That’s good, because more characters making progress is something to be celebrated, but it also comes with the downside of there being precious little time to spend with each group. Most only got one scene, and you were lucky if you got two.
Where to start? Well, the latest shit sandwich that Tyrion has to eat is being made Master of Coin while Petyr Baelish runs off to the Vale to court Lisa Arryn. I’m really not sure how he’s planning on marrying her, considering she’s both insane and vehemently hates the Lannisters who he serves. Perhaps he’ll find something else waiting for him in the Vale other than a new bride. A Skycell, perhaps.
Tyrion figures out that the crown is in insane amounts of debt to both his father, Tywin, and the Iron Bank of Braavos. It appears their slogan is “we always collect our debts” rather than the inverse for the Lannisters. I’m wondering if they’ll grow to become a significant force on the show once they come calling for their cash that doesn’t exist.
The comic relief of the episode was Tyrion’s squire Pod getting turbo-laid by three bendable whores for saving Tyrion’s life. And for a first-timer, he was apparently so good, they wouldn’t even take his coin. I thought that was a possibly sinister plot development, but it seems it was just another joke.
“A Lannister always pays his debts, either in gold or in poon.”
Tyrion got the lion’s share of screen time (no pun intended), but it wasn’t much. The next most was probably the misadventures of Brienne and Jaime, the end result of which was the first casualty of the season: Jaime Lannister’s right hand. The flayed men hacked it off when they caught him trying to be sneaky, but he’d already managed to be honorable and save Brienne from death by gang rape. I’m really starting to like this guy, but I’m doubting that his swordfighting skills are going to hold up very well after this.
Speaking of enduring torture while captured, Theon escaped from his own imprisonment with the help from…some guy. This…guy is turning out to be a pretty significant character it seems, as he not only frees Theon, but comes to his rescue when he’s about to get butt-raped in the woods by his captors. Lots of almost rape going around this episode. Who is this kid? Where the hell is Theon? Is his sister really waiting for him? Something is fishy here.
Also fishy is Daenerys seemingly insane plan to trade one of her dragons for an army. She now has the bash brothers on her side, Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy (which is awesome) who have different styles of advice, but both agree that giving up a dragon is bonkers. And the biggest one to boot! Ridiculous.
I don’t buy it. Dany has something up her sleeve. My guess would be that she takes the 8,000 soldiers, gets them all sworn to her officially so they have to obey her orders. Then, she’ll either take over the entire city by force and take her dragon back, OR she’ll simply have the dragon fry this cocky douche and say “oops, you can buy the loyalty of slaves, but not dragons, it seems.” I also suspect she actually speaks whatever language he keeps calling her a slut in.
“This slut’s dragon is going to eat your for lunch mother****er”
Who else? Uhh, well Stannis’ Lady in Red is peacing out to go do…something to get more power. We saw Stannis trying to be uncharacteristically sexy, and her laughing at him, which was pretty hilarious.
Catelyn’s father died, a character who actually did things in the second book but whom we’d never actually met before on the show. We also meet her uncle, Blackfish, again from the second book, but his addition to the cast has been shelved until now. I loved that Tully missing the funeral pyre with the arrow over and over.
Robb’s wife what’s-her-face was pretty funny scaring the Lannister children with stories of Rob’s magic powers. Are those Lannister kids going to become actual characters? Is she really not secretly evil? Time will tell.
Jon Snow is now an official Wilding, and Mance Rayder discovered the White Walkers horse butchery spiral. They’re quite artistic it seems. The Crows had to stumble back to that creepy guy’s daughter-wife fortress, and Sam saw that girl he has a crush on giving birth to a boy. What stupidly brave thing is he planning? I still don’t understand why they can’t just murder this guy and set some Crow up to live and maintain that little fort as a forward base.
Arya said goodbye to Hot Pie who is staying in some random inn to make hot pies. What did Arya mean when she asked the Hound about the last time he was at that inn? I can’t figure out what she’s referring to.
Oh, also missing besides Bran was Joffrey and his bride to be, Maergery, but I could go for a week without seeing that face and be okay with it. His, not hers.
Anyway, I told you there were a lot of subplots this week, but that made for a busy episode. I’m still reading through book two, so my reviews aren’t yet altered by foreknowledge, but I imagine that will change soon enough. But don’t worry, I won’t spoil anything, and I expect you readers out there to keep quiet as well.
WRT Arya’s comment to the Hound…I think that’s the inn where the Stark/Baratheon entourage stopped at waaaaay back in season 1, where the Hound killed the butcher’s boy and Sansa’s wold “Lady” was killed by Ned Stark.
The Tully that kept missing the boat was Edmure, Catelyn’s brother. And the language they are speaking in Astapor is High Valyrian.
Tim is correct.
How can she give up one of her dragons? I thought the issue those creepy magicians from Qarth ran into was the dragons really didn’t do much unless she was around? Or was that only because they were still babies?
Poor Jamie…I guess they have to keep him alive but I feel bad for him, especially since he saved Brienne
I love how this show and book can make us all feel sympathy for Jamie Lannister. A guy who sleeps with his sister and pushed a small child out of a window. lol
They need the creepy incest dude because he is a “godly” man. His sacrifices gives him a safe haven from the white walkers. Any crow would be instantly recruited to the zombie army.
The reason the warlocks from Qarth wanted Dany is because the dragons are bonded to her. Their loyalty to her keeps them from just burning shit to ground and going wild. They figured Dany just a little girl so it wouldn’t be a big deal holding her.
Although all the characters that try/want her dragons assume that because they are babies they can control them.
yes, Tim is correct. the Hound earns a place in Arya’s litany of names of people to kill because he murdered her friend, Micah, the butcher’s boy, waaay back in the second episode of S1.
also, JB brings up a good point. how do we feel sympathy for Jaime (or the Hound, for that matter) after all they’ve done? murdering children, attempting to murder children, incest, more murder, being part of the Lannister camp that isn’t a dwarf, even more murder…
damn you, GRRM/HBO, for making us care about them. and…keep it up.
oh, and Paul? so glad to have your reviews back…i’ve always enjoyed them, although part of the reason i loved them was to see the reactions of a non-reader to gauge how good the show is doing on its own at explaining who people are and what their motivations are.
but since you are reading now, i won’t tell you how many of your predictions are actually on track…you’ll find out soon enough by watching / reading!
JB & the_truant, the sympathy for “bad guys” is a symptom of excellent writing. Just like with “The Wire” nobody is simply a “good guy” or a “bad guy”, but instead a fully fleshed out character with strengths, flaws and their own sense of morality and motivations in a brutal world.
That, along with the, I guess you would call it “political intrigue”, is what separates A Song of Ice & Fire from all other fantasy series in my opinion.
It’s funny, 3 theories on Danny, all 3 correct.
I’m actually starting to get annoyed with the show. It is starting to deviate far too much from the books, and often for no reason whatsoever.
The first season was 99% identical to the first book, and while I appreciate they have to move some events around chronologically, and introduce some characters later on than in the books because otherwise there will be too many characters for everyone to remember, but now they are going too far.
The field nurse Robb marries was never in the book, Dany never had her dragons stolen, she just visited the house of the undying with Drogon, and there was a lot more going on with Barristan Selmy than him just suddenly popping up in Astapor.
It’s still a great show, but the source material was popular enough to make a show because it was good, so there is no reason to change it.
Still haven’t quite got the hang of the whole “proof reading” concept eh Paul?
Never mind, I consider it my duty to remind you so that some day in the distant future, we might be spared your horrendous typing.
I also notice that since you began reading the books, your predictions have become a lot more accurate… 😉
@anon
You can read something five times but if it sounds right in your head, it looks right on paper, even if it isn’t. Want to be my copy editor?
And I haven’t gotten ahead in the books yet.
Yea Jamie’s hand……..whoa.
I am on the same page with most, that I think Danny will just have her dragon come back to her after she gives it over.
Unrealitymag,
You are quickly becoming one of my go-to websites that I check in on multiple times each day, but your ads are getting ridiculous. Each link opens a new tab of advertisement and sometimes also a popup (chrome doesn’t even block it?!). This is on top of the banners that cover 25% of your figures and full page banners at the top.
I LOVE your GoT reviews, I think they’re some of the best. But, I couldn’t open it on my phone because of a ridiculous screen-covering ad. Then I tried the tablet and it didn’t even load correctly to let me X out of it.
These are stupid first world problems, I know. But there are millions of websites that post similar content. I really like yours, but it’s becoming a nuisance and it may be just as easy to stick to AV club and Gawker network.
Great review, as always.
@ MegaSolipsist
Well they needed to take certain shortcuts; I don’t see the Robb marrying a field nurse thing as a big deviation – I guess it was just more convenient to introduce into the show than what happened in the book within the time constraints of the show. It’s not really important in my opinion who Robb marries, as long as he does get married.
Also, as far as Barristan Selmy is concerned, Martin was able to play with the character without revealing his true identity until a lot later – this wouldn’t really have worked in the show because people would recognize the actor right away. I’m just a bit disappointed Strong Belwas doesn’t appear to have made the cut for the show (yet, anyway), I liked him 🙂
@MegaSolipsist I had similar thoughts about barristan introduction, but later I came to realize that there was no feasible way to do the whole “I am just an old squire” since Selmy had previously appeared in season 1. Everybody would know right away who he was.
The only sad thing is the lack of strong belwas