Christmas is Canceled: Or, The Top 6 Things I Would Have Done at NYCC

So there I was last Wednesday, tooling around the internets whilst avoiding the tasks at my day job. You know the deal: tumbling the tumblrs, tweeting the twitters, and liking the facebooks. Suddenly a “(1)” appears on the tab that houses my facebook feed. So I metaphorically mosey on over there and lo and behold, it’s a message from our very own TJ Fink!

Would I be interested in helping him covering comic con for Unreality? Oh boy, would I! Would I mind taking a crap ton of pictures while I was there? I am a camera. Would I be terribly adverse to getting in for free via one of TJ’s contacts? That, sir, is where I draw the line. Sara Clemens never took charity a day in her life and WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LET ME IN FOR FREE AND I WILL TAKE ALL THE PICTURES. Not to mention, it’s been sold out for weeks.

So I readily agree and we exchange our contact info. Saturday evening, TJ gets me on the horn and we plan our attack. Incidentally, we also have a supremely lovely convo about writing for Unreality and writing in general. Seriously, it was on point. Podcast material, frankly. We set our arrival time at Javits for 11:30 and hang up.

The next morning, I wake up at the butt crack of 9:00 (it was Sunday, don’t judge) and find a text from TJ on my phone: the tix have fallen through. Suddenly a distant sound is heard. It seems to come from the sky and is the sound of a breaking string. It dies away sadly.

So that’s the sound of a nerd’s soul being crushed.

My Sunday morning was huevos rancheros, Mass Effect, jealous trolling of #NYCC tagged instagram pictures, and daydreams of what I’d be doing if I was there. Here I present the best of a bad situation.

Top 6 Things I Would Have Done at New York Comic Con

6. Cosplayed pretty effing well, considering I only had three days notice.

I will use any excuse to wear this/plaster this picture all over the internet. Back in my day, we couldn’t just buy the scale replica of the portal gun from NECA! We had to take over our husbands’ woodshops and spend over twenty hours fashioning one from nerf guns and yoga mats!

5. Helped this lady carry her boobs.

I’d rather help Nathan Fillion carry his butt, but I’ll take what I can get.

4. Helped Batman carry his nuts.


3. Taken a shot every time I saw a Harley Quinn cosplay…

…and promptly died of alcohol poisoning.

Do they even serve booze at cons? I wouldn’t know BECAUSE I DIDN’T GET TO GO AND SHUT UP I JUST HAVE ALLERGIES.

2. Snuck off for a nooner in the bathroom with this guy.

And bummed a smoke right after.

1. Given this guy a medal.

Similar Posts


  1. King motherfucking Hippo! Eeeeeeee! Somehow, even though you weren’t there [offers shoulder for crying upon], you managed to give the best coverage. Do I care about which DC/Marvel character is dying next or about the 20 minutes of supersecret footage from that awesome movie I want to see that only CC people got to see or about Grant Morrison’s panel where he presumably babbles nonsense? I do not. I want awesome cosplay pics and commentary written by a woman who would offer a “nooner” to a smoking werewolf in sunglasses, make a joke about Batman’s nuts knowing goddamn well that it is beneath her (but still somehow hilarious), and offer a morbidly obese man a medal for being in character.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.