So it’s true that I have probably the best family anyone could ever ask for. I mean after all, I do this for a living, and they’re my biggest cheerleaders.
But if I had to do it all over again and assemble and entirely NEW family using only TV characters? This is who I would choose. I tried to make most of my selections match up with what role that character actually played on their show, but sometimes it gets a bit screwed up.
Check out my fictional dream family below, and feel free to post your own roster in the comments.
Dad – Jonathan Kent (Smallville)
The man who gives Superman his unshakeable moral compass must be one hell of a father. After watching Jonathan Kent in Smallville for season after season, he would make a great head of household for even non-superhuman children.
Mom – Tami Taylor (Friday Night Lights)
She may only have one daughter, but Tami plays mom to an entire high school of kids, first as a guidance counselor and then as a principle on Friday Night Lights. There are many TV moms that are the foundations of their fictional families, but I think she deserves the top spot.
Older Brother – Gob Bluth (Arrested Development)
Worried about your older brother impressing your folks and becoming an impossible to live up to role model? Well you won’t have to deal with that with Gob as your big bro. His only skills are magic and ventriloquism (barely), and the propensity to loudly appraise the price of a fine suit.
Younger Brother – Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)
Fun fact, in looking up Dewey for this post, I found that the family from Malcolm in the Middle never actually had a last name. He’s crazy, fun and everything you’d want in a little brother. Until he grew up and it got awkward.
Uncle – Jack Bauer (24)
Tell me if you were ever in a jam, you wouldn’t want Uncle Jack to come in and take care of things for you. Bullied at school? They’ll be in a prison camp in Shanghai by tomorrow. Soccer coach not playing you enough? Maybe he’ll be more receptive with a bullet in his kneecap. Wow, this escalated quickly. And yeah, he is an uncle. Remember season six with his idiot terrorist brother and his kid who was clearly Jack’s kid but they never brought that up again?
Aunt – Aunt Bee (The Andy Griffith Show)
You know, I can’t really even remember many TV aunts besides Bee. And yes, I remember Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince, but she was more or less the mother role. I bet Aunt Bee has some delicious cooking. No, this role does not mean she needs to be married to Uncle Jack.
Older sister – Monica Geller (Friends)
Alright, so technically on the show she was Ross’s YOUNGER sister, but she’s older than me so whatever. You might think she’s OCD and crazy, but all that tells me is that my place would be spotless at all times no matter what I did due to her inability to control herself cleaning.
Younger Sister – Michelle Tanner (Full House)
Being this cute, she might be kind of an attention hog, but Michelle Tanner was literally one of the most adorable human beings to ever appear on television, and I certainly wouldn’t mind her as my little sister. She’d be like the ultimate wingman in the park. “Go give that girl my number.” “You got it dude!”
Grandma – Malory Archer (Archer)
Yes, she may be a borderline sociopath, but she runs an entire SPY agency, so that’s pretty cool. Also, you would never be out of liquor when you went to visit. Cons: She may try to have you killed, and you may at some point see a sex tape starring her.
Grandpa – William Adama (Battlestar Galactica)
A strong leader, and a comforting presence in times of trouble, he might not have been a grandpa on the show, but I’d sure want him as mine. Plus, he has his own freaking spaceship. He will probably fear technology even more than most grandparents though.
Mother-in-Law – Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family)
Making every pool-side family gathering a must-attend event.