Right off the bat, I need you to understand, I do not mean good in terms of Shawshank Redemption good. Good is a very open term, and it tends to be directly proportional with whatever is being discussed at the time. That out of the way, Rampage, when compared to all other Uwe Boll movies, is f*cking Shakespeare. And while this movie has been out since 2009, so I am sure a good deal of you already know this, I only just made myself sit down and watch it this week (because I, literally, have pretty much watched every other movie ever) and I cannot recall being more surprised by a film recently. I know that sounds odd, but to say I detest Uwe Boll movies is to still pay his films a compliment. I don’t detest them. I am at the point when that exerts too much energy. No, rather, I pretend they don’t exist and am much better for it. But like I said, I was out of movies to watch and had just enough weed that I knew I would be able to atleast TOLERATE a Uwe Boll movie. Thing is, when he does violence and horror (for example, Seed), the guy is pretty relentless, so I figured a movie about a disgruntled kid who goes on a killing rampage might be watchable. 90 minutes later, I am trying to rationalize how Uwe Boll actually made a decent movie, yet no one talks about it.
First off, for those who don’t know, Uwe Boll is the outspoken German director known for buying video game licenses and turning them into (god awful) movies. From Alone in the Dark to Bloodrayne, and even decent stories like Far Cry, he just loves to put the stink of shit on already existing properties. And he ties up all his finances in such a way that, somehow, every time, these terrible films turn profit, allowing him to make another one, and another one, and so on. And he is FAMOUS for his hatred of “journalists” like me, who he has, no lie, challenged to fights and hilariously, won. Seriously, that was the first thing that made me look up and say “maybe this dude isn’t so bad”. Continue Reading »