Unreal Movie Review: Extract

“So the script says we make out right?”

It’s really not true what they say about Mike Judge, that you either love him or you hate him. I, for example, have no taste for his TV projects, King of the Hill and Beavis and Butthead, but contrastingly, I think his films Office Space and Idiocracy are pure genius. His latest effort, Extract, is actually a prime example of my point, as it’s completely lukewarm, somewhere between hilarious and awful, hovering right around “mildly amusing.”

Joel (Jason Bateman) is the owner of a small business that makes extract (I’m told it’s something you bake with). But one day, a workplace accident causes one of his employees (Clifton Collins Jr.) to lose a ball, and he’s faced with a lawsuit that might shut him down for good. This catches the eye of serial con artist Cindy (Mila Kunis), who starts work at the plant, swiping purses and seducing the ball-less worker who’s about to be a very rich man, as well as working her magic with Joel himself.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, in Joel’s off hours he has a wife (Kristin Wiig) that vehemently refuses to have sex with him due to a rolodex of excuses and a vicious pair of sweatpants. Joel’s friend Dean (Ben Affleck) devises a plan to up his buddy’s sex life that involves copious amounts of drugs and one very dumb gigolo.

Perhaps the only classic character from the film?

Even leaving out a few more subplots, the story is pretty damn complicated while being at the same time, completely uninteresting. There are genuinely funny moments in the film, but even the best ones won’t elicit more than a hearty chuckle. Unlike Office Space, there are no classic lines you’ll be quoting and unlike Idiocracy, there’s no classic concept or larger point trying to be made. It’s about a guy who has a relatively crazy couple of days, for Mike Judge it just seems too vanilla.

Sadly, I have to blame Judge here for this, because everyone’s acting is thoroughly adequate in the film. Jason Bateman plays the straight man role we all love him for, Mila Kunis is absurdly hot and charming and I’d have to say the only annoyance is Ben Affleck as Joel’s drug-dealing buddy. The fact that it’s Ben Affleck with long hair isn’t enough to make the character funny, and I’ve seen much better stoner sidekicks in my day.

I think the problem here is that two movies got crammed into one. The entire angle with Kunis as a devious con artist was completely unexpected (this isn’t a spoiler as it’s in the first three minutes of the film), but her story is practically an afterthought in the film, when really it should be the bulk of it. I would most definitely watch an entire movie of Kunis conning dumb guys with her giant fluttering eyes, but here it’s not given the attention it deserves.

But the issue is that if the film lost that aspect of itself, it would become even more boring than it already is, where the comedy is relegated to floorworker bickering, slightly off-putting drug trips and male gigolos. In terms of pure comedy, relative unknown Dustin Milligan’s Brad the gigolo and his scenes with Bateman deliver the brunt of the film’s laughs.

The film just doesn’t go anywhere, and by the time it’s over, everything is quite literally exactly where we found it with no character progression and no memorable moments to take with us. It’s nice to see Judge writing and directing again, but flat out, Extract just isn’t that funny, and no amount of Arrested Development alumni and Mila Kunis can make me change my mind.

2.5 out of 5 stars

Good God, even in a hairnet…