Unreal Game Review: Portal 2

5 out of 5 stars

How could you not like Portal 2?

You monsters.

But seriously, after seeing the juvenile behavior of Portal fans bombing the Metacritic scores of the new game, I was very curious to see what had upset them so. And today, after finishing a marathon session of probably eight or nine hours of play time, I have no goddamn idea.

Complaints that the game didn’t live up to expectations, wasn’t long enough, or worth the money are all insipid and shouldn’t be taken seriously. There are far shorter games that have been price at a full $60, and Portal 2 retails at about fifty on consoles. I think that’s a pretty fair asking price, but honestly this is the perfect rental game, as you’ll finish it and likely not need to play it again. But I’d practically buy it full price just to give Valve the money they deserve for making such a damn good title.

It’s an incredibly difficult prospect to improve on a game like Portal. The original concept is so inherently original and brilliant, a new game could just feel like an unneeded rehashing. But Valve has worked long and hard to make sure this is a finely tuned offering, and without question, Portal 2 is phenomenal.

It’s been a loooong time.

It’s an indeterminate amount of years since your last run-in with GLaDOS, and when you wake up in Aperture, the place has gone to hell. A friendly AI named Wheatley is glad to see you alive, and tries to get you out of there without waking up your old dormant rival. This plan obviously is doomed to failure, and she’s none too happy to see you.

Don’t worry, this all happens quickly, so it’s not a spoiler, rather just the set up for what ends up being an incredibly deep single player campaign with a whole host of plot twists and turns I won’t get into here, but they’re quite unexpected and the game ends about three hours after you think it’s going to.

Aperture is in a state of ruin, making for some of the most stunning landscapes I’ve seen in a game, without even needing to rely heavily on graphics. The place feels alive, and technically it is, but I’ve never seen an indoor environment seem so massive, and that’s even before you fall a mile underground, and discover Aperture’s secret origins…

Thankfully lasers aren’t instakillers.

But no more on the plot, as that should be discovered for yourself. Rather, the gameplay can be dissected by its new parts, which build on the concept of portals,  and now do far more than drop cubes on turrets or shoot energy balls toward switches.

There are actually a lot of new elements added to the portal puzzles including laser pointed toward switches by refracting cubes, light bridges which can thread through portals as a new way to access areas, tractor beams which have you floating toward objectives and finally gels.

Gels are perhaps the most notable addition, as you place portals to spray them on various surfaces nearby, and use their different properties to move forward. Blue bounces, orange speeds you up and white allows you to make any surface portal friendly. The possibilities are endless.

All of these aspects combine to make some truly memorable and challenging puzzles. I blew through the first few hours of the game with relative ease, as I’m a veteran of the original game, but mastering these new additions was often exhausting. I had the most trouble with gels and tractor beams, and even more so when on rare occasions I had to combine them.

Yes, there is white gel of the same consistency. Ew.

Portal 2 has probably the best level design of any game I’ve ever seen. The environments shift from ragged, but constrictive test chambers to giant open spaces in the ruined facility. This change from secure, restricted environment to off the map was the big twist in the first game, but here it goes back and forth many times, and it makes the pace of the game feel expertly varied.

The later puzzles are the perfect level of challenging. They’re not so hard they make you put your controller though your screen, but they’re difficult enough that when you solve them you’ll raise your fist in triumph with an emphatic “f*** yeah!”

The game is just intuitive in every way. Your curiosity and creativity alone is enough to get you through anything it throws at you, and I highly recommend not giving in and looking up walkthroughs for any of the puzzles. Once you get it yourself, it will be all the more rewarding.

The gameplay is woven seamlessly with plot development and the game’s trademark humor. The first game was one of the funniest I’ve ever played, and the second is of the same caliber. Extras‘ Stephen Merchant as Wheatley is a particularly good addition, as is J.K. Simmons’ Aperture founder Cave Johnson. And then there’s always GLaDOS.

They remind me of the M&Ms.

I didn’t manage to beat the new multiplayer mode on day one, but I did play a significant amount of it, and I’m happy to report it’s actually a great addition to the title, when it could have been a gimmick. The plot is a bit more sparse, but the teamwork aspects of the puzzles is incredibly rewarding, and it’s nice to finally have a splitscreen game worth playing, as I haven’t found one since Borderlands. Working together on these puzzles results in a lot of real life high fives, and I think the last time a friend and I reacted to a game like that, we were eight and beating Streets of Rage on Genesis.

I don’t care if you have to rent it, buy it or pirate it (but don’t do that), you have to play this game. Portal 2 is everything that’s right with modern game design, and is one of the most creative pieces of media in ANY form that’s been released in years.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to cut myself a piece of cake.

5 out of 5 stars

 

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14 Comments

  1. The voice acting was just the perfect icing on the cake. The game was great and had me laughing consistently throughout. That’s a pleasant, rare surprise for any game not associated with Tim Schafer.

    Hearing Steve Merchant babble on only made me wish Karl Pilkington could have been included in some way. If you don’t know who that is check out the Ricky Gervais show/podcast. I’ve played through the game a second time so I could concentrate fully on some of the dialog I missed on the first run through.

    “Science isn’t about why! Its about why not!”

  2. “But I’d practically buy it full price just to give Valve the money they deserve for making such a damn good title.”
    The people who complain about the game are very likely the ones who downloaded the hacked version for free. (for one thing they’re missing out on the multiplayer co-op which is just as fun as the single player)

  3. I haven’t bought a PC game in years as I rarely have time (engineering student) and generally I lose interest in a game pretty quick. My roommate wouldn’t shut up about it…so I finally bit the bullet.

    Good Lord this is a fun game. You ain’t kidding…sitting there scratching my head on a particular puzzle… and when that spark hits your brain…awesome.

  4. “Hm. Let’s look at your test results. They say you are a horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that. At least now we have scientific proof for why your parents abandoned you.”

    That line right there, maybe an hour in, made this game one of the best campaigns I have ever played. Absolutely loved everything about it.

  5. i m still not 100% sure if i really want to spend 40-50 € on that game even when i loved 1 and this sound really awesome… maybe valve should anounce some sort of (free? :O ) DLC

  6. hearing that stephen merchant does the voice for one of the characters is enough to convince me (as if playing the original wasnt enough already).

    Wholeheartedly agree with you uncoolaidman karl pilkington would be the BEST, even as an easter egg.

    …head like a fucking orange! 🙂

  7. @Nyxaria
    You’re one of those gamers who feels entitled. “Why won’t they give it to me FOR FREE? I totally deserve it!!!!” You’re ridiculous. Valve shouldn’t do that at all. You want to play their games? You pay for their games.

  8. Absolute master work. A one of the best games of the decade for me. So easily they made you hate an then love the characters… is awesome… very, very smart and good writers. This game show that most games just got a 10% of creativity that was put in this game. The only aspect no so great was the part of the guiding voice of Cave Johnson… it was a little “Ryan from Bioshock” I think.

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