Six Comic Books That Are Way Better Than The Movie
Wolverine: Origins
So you wait your whole adolescence for Wolverine to get his own movie, and it sucks. It sucks so bad that it aches your insides to watch it. And for anyone who thinks that Origins may have been a mixing of a bunch of Wolverine stories, I do feel compelled to tell you that it was indeed its own comic.
The only thing missing is a honey badger.
And truthfully, the story in the Origins comic was amazing. You know the director and writer of the Wolverine movie had to caught wind of it, because there are hints of the origin story from the Wolverine comic book at the beginning of the movie, but then, it is just never touched on again. And slowly, as you watch, the greatest injustice that has ever been done to a badass character slowly unfolds.
There are SO MANY great Wolverine canon stories they could have pulled from to make that film, so the messy plate full of nonsense they served me and called a Wolverine movie was one of the biggest insults to me as a comic book fan. Will i.am is in that movie. as WRAITH. What the f*ck kind of nonsense was that?
“Wolverine, please kill him?” is all I kept thinking.
And then what that film did to Deadpool? You take one of the crazier and more enjoyable characters in the Marvel U. You put him in a blender. You hint at his crazy side (I initially found the Ryan Reynolds casting of Deadpool to be spot on) in the beginning, and then you stich his mouth shut and make him some sort of super skrull who has everyone’s powers. WHAT!!?? Why?
To show you just how bad a choice that was, let me sum up Deadpool to you using one page:
As you can see, the film really stayed true to the character.
And not only that, they created some stupid and illogical back stories that had no place and made no sense. And that ending. Unforgivable. Now there are rumors afoot that the next Wolverine movie will pull from the Frank Miller stories, and that would be amazing. But from what I know about Hollywood, expect the next Wolverine movie to play out like a romantic comedy, Edward Scissorhands style.
You are just cringed as you read that because you know how right I will probably end up being.
Punisher: War Zone
How do you screw up a character as cool and intense as the Punisher? Especially when you have already basically done it almost right once. I won’t say twice because that early Dolph Lundgren version of the Punisher really sucked. But it was the 80’s. We can forgive bad stuff from the 80’s. What we can’t forgive is a movie like War Zone, which gets everything wrong and SO wrong, in fact, you may have to turn the movie off. Yes, it is THAT bad.
There are really points when this movie feels like a bad fan film. I have no idea what producer saw this film and thought it was OK to distribute, but whoever that is most likely is out of a job now. And justifiably so.
My real question about everything in this picture is: Why?
I once submitted a Punisher story to Marvel when I was eleven that went like this:
Guys are in a room doing (bad) stuff.
Punisher comes in room and shoots all the bad guys.
They all die.
Punisher walks out of room.
Bloody Footprints.
The End.
Fact: Mike Zeck made the illest Punisher covers ever. Fact
They kindly declined and I knew it was not my strongest work. In hindsight, that story ended up being the script for the second movie. I didn’t get writing credits, but I got a percent of the film’s earnings, which ended up being negative twelve million dollars. So technically, I OWE them money for helping them make a movie this bad.
Honorable Mentions:
Howard the Duck: They may have gotten the whole vibe of the comic wrong, but I secretly love this movie. As you guys know.
Every Fantastic Four Film Ever Made: There are three of them that I know of, and all of them make my eyes vomit.
The Roger Corman produced Fantastic Four is my favorite of the batch, though.
Daredevil: Bad Ben Affleck! *Hits Ben Affleck with a newspaper until he scurries under couch, whimpering.
The Spirit: I truly expected to love this film and I walked out of it mumbling “dafuq did I just watch?”
Spiderman 3: How do you f*ck up Venom? Topher Grace, that’w how.
Kickass: I know some people may argue, and the movie did almost EVERYTHING perfect (especially the casting of Big Daddy and Hit Girl, who stole the show), but that jetpack scene at the end of the film was such a ‘jump the shark’ moment.
In the comic book, it is not a jetpack. It is a flamethrower. And it does not end well for the bad guys. The whole movie was a little over the top, but the learning how to fly and perfectly control a jetpack with turrets in an hour was just too silly and concept for even me to grasp.
And another thing, the point of Kickass was that even after all he has been through, he never gets the girl. It’s called life.
This is a visual metaphor for how life will treat you.
The movie has him get the girl in the end, literally.
Not cool, Hollywood. Not cool.
And don’t EVEN get me started on bad book to movie translations, we would be here all day. I Am Legend, I am looking at you….
Next make a “movies better than the comic book” list.
First entry should be Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I personally loved the movie and then decided to check the coimc out – I was baffled by the hipster pretentiousness and mindless relationship drivel conveyed by walls of text a-la Tim Buckley. Honestly, every worth while moment in the comic was in the movie and done times better.
Constantine was a decent movie, if it hadn’t been based on Hellblazer.
They took the greatest DCU/Vertigo character ever and made him…
Keanu Reeves.
What? No Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD starring David Hasslehoff?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Fury:_Agent_of_S.H.I.E.L.D._(film)
I was going to say “you should probably change the title, then” after reading hte first paragraph and seeing that you used a pic from Wanted as the header pic, but, really… that’s the only movie on the list that could be argued to be as good (if wildly different) than the comic it was based on.
My wife would probably throw her hat in for a LOEG argument, too, but really–Moore’s rampant mysogeny isn’t likely to win him many female fans, and Mina Harker was a decent character in the film compared to her shallow, submissive sex-toy comic version.
Also: Pointing out that a character called The Fox, who was obviously meant to be a Catwoman pastiche (much as Shithead was Clayface, and Rictus was Joker meets Red Skull), has ears on her head and calling it an “Easter egg” is like saying that Dr Manhatten has “a Captain Atom symbol on his head, like an Easter egg!!” or that Nite Owl’s Owl Ship looks like Blue Beetle’s Beetle Buggy (whatever it’s called)… Is Apollo from Authority/Stormwatch having solar-based powers, like Superman, an Eater egg too, or just the fact that he’s boning Midnighter?
Sorry for the rant, that just struck me funny…
^pretentious comic book guy is pretentious…and kind of a dick
Agree with everything written herein, except I actually enjoyed The Spirit, probably for the same reasons it’s much-loathed.
I actually thought I was going to click on this article and there was just going to be the words “All of them” with lots and lots of pictures of comic book movie covers. You are so very right about the jetpack in Kick-Ass, but casting Cage channeling Adam West as Big Daddy was actually the worst thing they did seeing that BD was more of an exploration of the notion of a Frank Castle type character raising a sidekick of his own rather than having anything in any way to do with 60’s Batman. I call fail. I also enjoyed The Spirit, but I would never venture to call it “good” without adding the words “so bad it’s” in front of the statement.
And wait, commenter Steve, Harker was submissive in the comic version of LEG? I recall her being rather unpleasant and insulting towards most of the other characters and the strong leader of the team besides. “Sex toy”? Because she eventually got together with one of the other members of the team? Bloody ‘ell. I don’t think Moore is the misogynist in this conversation.
@ Wevs, that is a good idea for a piece, but there are SO FEW of them, the list would be tiny.
@Nuggs, very well put. If it was standalone, I would have loved the film, but knowing that Keanu was supposed to be John, who was in fact, visually based on Sting, was just too much.
@Fiefo, you just won life, man, I totally forgot “The Hoff” was the original Nick Fury. Great call, man.
@Steve, Anyone can make that argument about Moore, but I think @Trashcanman has you pinned here. Also, regarding the Wanted statement. I appreciate your thoughts on it, but even if the references are as subtle as a nut punch, they are still references. And yes, Alan Moore makes them, too.
@ Ness, That gave me a genuine laugh, and not one of those weak LOL’s.
@Trashcanman, That is a very solid point about Big Daddy, and in the book, he had such a different tone, and I think that is why I actually kind of appreciated his “Nic Cage”ifying of the role. I know a lot of people (justifiably) hate that man’s acting, but for some reason, on odd occasions ( the twelfth full moon on the eight night of the second month of the third solstice) I actually like his ham, and this was one of those cases. Well played on the Moore comment, for sure.
Err. the “Deadpool” example you give is Typhoid Mary with an image inducer. Not Deadpool.
A better example would be from the first few pages of issue 1 (of the original series) with him narrating out loud what he is doing.
@Albatraous Cable and Deadpool was so awesome 🙂 I scanned my favorite moment:
pt1
http://i.imgur.com/HNZQu.jpg
p2
http://i.imgur.com/oiB2l.jpg
p3
http://i.imgur.com/9kYiM.jpg
p4
http://i.imgur.com/C77IU.jpg
Halle Berry should not EVER be cast in ANY movie ANYWHERE! She is awful. She gets movie roles because she is pretty, not because she is talented. She has never given a decent performance in anything, including Monster’s Ball – a movie in which every other actor on screen completely out shined her in all of the movie’s depressing pointlessness. Hell, even P-Diddy did a better job in that movie than she did. While I may not have thought Wanted was as good as it could have been, it was a million times better than anything that would have featured Halle Berry in a lead role.
Thank you for reading.
@Albatraouse: I thought that pic did the best job at conveying the character, i.e. Google images did not have a better one available, but damn, that is pretty impressive to pick up on, and I agree with you.
My personal fave Deapool moment from recent memory is when he fought Wolverine and saw his claws as spoons. Something so insanely wonderful about that.
@Piratey, I may save those pics for a future Deadpool article, if you don’t mind. *wide, innocuous smile.
@cmoody, wow man, say how you REALLY feel about her….haha
I loved Punisher War Zone. To me it was like watching an 80’s slasher film with the killer as the Protagonist. No melodramatic stuff like the Thomas Jane version (which to me looked more like some elaborate scheme a jealous ex-wife would kick up, in regards to Jane’s punisher tricking Travolta to kill his wife and best friend). Yes the film was cheesy, but I love bad/good movies and honestly can’t remember the last time I had that much fun in a movie theater.
Punisher:War Zone is the reason I broke up with my ex.
Spawn is terrible whether it is the movie OR the comic. The latter is just less terrible than the former. But really, neither is worth the time. Sadly, I wasted time in order to find that out. Wah-waahhh.
Couldn’t stand the wanted comic. Movie wasn’t much better but I’m pretty sure it didn’t have the incredibly stupid/racist/sexist Millar dialogue.
good article
@Sickp, I have broke up with woman for less lmao
Uhhh…The Watchmen????? The only reason this list should be made is to tell everyone to not see the movie and go read one of the best pieces of fiction of all time.
@Remy- Definitely references; wasn’t arguing that… But you called Fox’ Fox Ears “Catwoman ears” and an “Easter Egg the book is full of.” Easter Eggs are “hidden messages, in-jokes, or special features”… Having a character with a fox motiff that is a pastiche of Catwoman have ears on her costume is none of those things any more than Midnighter climbing the outside of a building would be an “Adam West Batman Easter Egg” or Catman having a cape and cowl is… Homage? Reference? It was just a weird turn of phrase that I saw recently in another article, too, and my pre-coffee mind latched onto it with (overblown) irritation. There are certainly little Easter Eggs in the book (which, as you’ve pointed out, are subtle as a jackhammer) like Superman’s cape in the trophy room and stuff, but “Fox” having fox ears on her fox costume? Aaaaannnnnnd, I’m ranting again.
As to the LOEG comments, mayhaps it’s past time I really sit down and read the series… It’s been ages, and it’s entirely possible the wife picked it up, leafed through it, found one section of Alan pinning Mina against a tree and was like “not for me…” I just know she ranted about that and her being locked away and dismissed as a flaky, hysterical loon for a good long while.
Also: my point on the Watchmen characters not being Easter Eggs, either, is that they were actually supposed to be those characters when Moore wrote it, but then DC told him not to… It’s not an Easter Egg that Dr Manhatten has an atomoic symbol on him, like Captain Atom… Now, if there was a blue scarab or the “air cannon” sitting on a shelf in the Owl Ship? And you had to look to see it there? Easter Egg.
[/nitpicky rant]
Yes, War Zone sucked, but the scene where the cop is reading the criminal his rights and Frank casually raises his gun and blows the guy’s head off is hilariously awesome.
And on the flip side, V for Vendetta is better as a film than a comic.