Nerdy Reboot Rumor Mill


Paul regularly updates Unreality with news about Justice League and any of the happening/not happening Batman iterations, so I won’t be delving into any of that with this post. I will say I’m enjoying all the “Tom Hiddleston should be The Joker” petitions flying around the internet because A: I’m not on board with it (you can’t just plug the guy into all the comic book villain roles like he’s some kind of Ikea hex key, for Odin’s sake), and naysaying can be a good time, and B: there’s some really fun photoshoppery going on (though I much prefer this idea).

I have been following a few other movie rumors that I thought might just pique your interest, though, so why not add some grist to the metaphorical mill?

Note: I’m certainly not going to touch on every rumor revolving around every nerdy reboot idea, so I really would love to hear your thoughts on any films or franchises I don’t (or do) list.  Sound off in the comments!

Ninja Turtles


Good to see Raphael is still cool but rude. And huge, apparently.

The rumors about Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles have been circulating for some months, so I’m not exactly reporting from the front lines of geekery over here, but there have been some recent updates regarding the big screen comeback of the heroes in a half shell. Important ones, at that.

Last year, Bay caused a bit of a stir (understatement) when he announced his plans for the foursome at the Nickelodeon upfront: “These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.”

That…did not go over well.

Well rest assured, children of the eighties/nineties, because Michael Bay recently and nonchalantly revealed to Moviefone that he never intended to make them aliens:

There was that quote saying that we’re making [the Ninja Turtles as] aliens. We’re not. It’s the ooze! It’s from the original source material. These are from the original writers, and I never went out to correct myself in the press. I do listen to the fans and I do want this to be authentic. I think they’re going to be really happy with this movie. When I see the digital stuff, the turtles look great.

But wait, Michael, you totally said they were going to be aliens. Then you told everyone to just calm the eff down when the internet exploded. Then you went silent for the better part of a year. Now you’re acting like it was all a big misunderstanding on our part? Not cool, dude.

Oh, four relative unknowns have been cast as the turtles and Megan Fox is April O’Neil. Ugh. Will Arnett is also attached, though his part remains unnamed. Most speculate he’ll be playing Vernon or even Burne Thompson, April’s boss. I hope he’s Shredder.

Who’s playing Irma the secretary? I’m available, Hollywood.



They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard.

I’m also a few months late for breaking this story, but a cursory search through the Unreality archives returned no hits on the subject, so here we all stand.

Vulture revealed back in January that negotiations were going on between Warner Brothers and Steven Spielburg’s company, Amblin Entertainment, to reboot the story of the Mogwai. This isn’t the first time negotiations have occurred, so there’s no reason to either rejoice or panic quite yet, but Vulture’s source says these talks are being taken more seriously than those previous.

This is probably the reboot rumor I’m least excited about, since I fear a modern remake would rely incredibly heavily on CGI, which would ruin the whole damn thing. Then they’d probably set it around Flag Day instead of Christmas just to spite us all.

Don’t you get it, Hollywood? It ain’t broke. It ain’t broke! But once again, I’m available.

The Crow


You know what? I could be okay with Bradley Cooper as titular character.

The Crow is a movie near and dear to my too-chicken-to-be-a-goth nerd heart, because I remember seeing it right at the height of my angsty teen phase. It had come out a few years before, but I wasn’t allowed to watch R-rated movies then. Not to mention it had a similar cultural cachet to The Dark Knight, set off by Brandon Lee’s accidental onset death. I was/am actually pretty excited to see this one get off the ground.

This reboot has also been languishing in development for some time now, with several leading men rumored to take on the mantle of the dark avenging angel. Most recently Tom Hiddleston (hope you like Ol’ Hiddles, everybody, because he is playing for keeps) was attached to play the lead.

Internet outlets have been abuzz these past few hours, however, with the news that it’s True Blood‘s Alexander Skarsgård who is most likely to take the part. Quite poetic in a way, since Skarsgård was supposedly very close to walking away with the part of Thor back in the day, thus turning all this into a sort of weird ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey coincidental stuff, but still I admit I would prefer Hiddleston. I’m more than happy to be proven wrong.

Hollywood, if you need a Sara to play Sarah, well—you know the rest.

So what reboot rumors are you readers following? Daredevil? Tomb Raider? Pet Sematary? An American Werewolf in London? The Birds? Can you tell I like horror with a dash of camp?

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  1. Crow was perfect for the 90s. Does that kind of movie fit in this decade? I’m not sure. It might come off as cartoonish even though it tries to be serious.

  2. No, there’s absolutely no reason to reboot THE CROW, though there are plenty of reasons to bury whatever evidence there exists of its sequels. Methinks the only way it could work culturally and socially in our current era is to set it in someplace like Detroit where urban blight is eating whole families alive and make some statement on the Era of Obama, but that’s not likely to happen in the Progressively-driven Hollywood.

    But you can muster the same level of grit and grime that made THE CROW stylistically into what it is and bring it into modern times. All one need do is look at something like DREDD and/or THE RAID and/or ELITE SQUAD to realize that ‘look’ still works in cinema.

  3. Excuse me, but there seems to be an oversaturation from weak sauce in Hollywood if this is what they’ve got for me. The Wondercon trailer for Pacific Rim hit the web and they expect me to get excited for this?

    What really gets me is that my son in the last month has become a rabid Ninja Turtles fan, meaning that I may have to see another Bay movie and I wants no part of that….ever. I’m already trying to come up with excuses that he will understand about why I can’t take him. “I’m sorry, son, but the man who made that movie is a bad guy and he wants to hurt the Ninja Turtles and everyone who loves them. So if you really love the Turtles, we have to stay far, far away from that movie or the bad guys win.”

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