I think it’s pretty tough to dislike Christian Bale. He’s played in some very cool roles throughout the years, and it looks like he’s going to be around for awhile. Let’s take a look at some of the great characters that Bale has portayed, including the one who influenced an entire generation of Ivy League grads to embrace elitism and fake sociopathy. Here are six of the coolest Christian Bale movie roles:
1. Bruce Wayne – Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises
It’s so weird to meet someone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight. Like, aren’t they curious? Are they trying to prove some emo-nonconformist point to themselves? Whatever, it’s their loss. Bale plays a better Bruce Wayne and Batman than anyone else, but I think a lot of that is thanks to Chris Nolan’s take on the character. Either way, Bale is very convincing as super-wealthy public figure that dresses up at night like a bat to fight crime, which is not an easy task. Still, I rank it below the time I convinced Jessica that her kid wasn’t mine. That was acting – I stole that scene!
2. John Connor – Terminator: Salvation
I’m going to go ahead and predict that Bale is going to give audiences a very genuine John Connor. I keep telling myself that Bale is at a stage in his career where he’s not going to take roles in sh*tty movies and that Terminator:Salvation will be closer to the first two movies and nothing like the third. I also keep telling myself that four inches is average, so take my optimism with a grain of salt.
3. Patrick Bateman – American Psycho
One of my favorite books. The movie is pretty different as far as tone, but that’s fine – it’s damned funny. Everyone, including Bale, is such an over-the-top douche in this movie, which makes it very re-watchable. The business card scene kills me every time. Not long after this movie came out, well-to-do white kids making bank started drinking J&B on the rocks and buying facial scrubs in homage to Patrick Bateman. I kept it simple and stuck to murdering homeless people. It’s awesome; the cops stop investigating after about a week or so goes by.
4. Alfred Borden – The Prestige
Like Leo for Scorcese, Depp for Burton, and Biehn for Cameron, it seems as though Bale is a muse for Chris Nolan. In The Prestige (the genius of which is the structure of the film – it is itself a three-part magic trick), Bale plays magician Alfred Borden. His rival, Angier, seeks the help of Tesla to help create a true magic trick. With Tesla’s machine, he is able to duplicate anything, including himself. It ultimately seals Algier’s fate, however, and Borden is left to have the last laugh. What would you put in Tesla’s duplication machine? Money, obviously. Maybe Scarlett, too. Oh, and myself, but just for sexual purposes.
5. Quinn Abercromby – Reign of Fire
I am pretty sure this movie was panned, but seriously – people fighting dragons rules. If someone made a romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant and Jennifer Aniston and in that movie, Hugh and Jennifer watch a scene from a movie that has a people-dragon fight scene, I would strongly consider seeing that romantic comedy. Even a meta-people-dragon fight scene is alluring to me. And so, by association, Bale’s portrayal of Quinn Abercromby – a person who fights dragons – rules. I have never jacked off to Jennifer Aniston in my life, by the way. I just don’t see the appeal.
6. John Preston – Equilibrium
After a Third World War, the government drugs its citizen to suppress emotions. Not one to bow down to the man, John Preston leads an effort that eventually results in the government’s destruction. Preston is also crazy good at Gun Kata, a type of gun-fighting martial art that proves pretty useful. In our time, my nine be just fine. Get money, F bitches, smoke trees. Wisdom.
Honorable Mention – Trevor Reznik – The Machinist
Yo machinist’s so skinny, he’s got to run around in the shower to get wet!
*And virtually EVERY single other role he’s ever been in but these are my favorites.