Five Religions That Really Should Not Have Been Offended by These Five Games


Oh God, I’m going to have to try and get through this entire thing without offending anyone. I think I’d rather run through a minefield being chased by dogs with lasers on their heads. Whatever, here goes. Here are five religions who took five games far too seriously:

Scientologists offended by Dead Space


He should be flattered.

Debate the merits of Scientology as a “religion” later. In Dead Space, if you do the research behind the story, you discover that everything ****ed up that’s happening is because of the leader of “Unitology,” a hardcore religious sect that demands copious amounts of money from its members in order to achieve enlightenment.

First of all, the religion is called “Unitology,” which could, you know, be referencing, uh, anything. Secondly, if they are interpreting as a 1 to 1 representation of Elron’s flock, they should be ecstatic that they get to be the star of their very own video game about space aliens! I mean you even fight Xenu at the end with his giant tentacles and everything! Most religious games don’t have nearly that high of production values.

Hindus offended by Final Fantasy


You know, the resemblance isn’t that far off. Just subtract two arms and add two boobs.

So your god Shiva has been transformed into a hot blue chick with ice powers, so what? Most of the other Final Fantasy summoned allies are knock-offs of other religions’ gods, yours just happens to be the most obvious.

Plus, yours kicks the most ass. Like if there was a game that portrayed Jesus as Brad Pitt with a bionic gun arm who could obliterate everything in his path, I would think that was sweet. So if your four-armed god of destruction magically becomes an unstoppable two armed hot blue ice chick, I’d just role with it and thank the game for making people maybe start to consider the religion with the hot god in it.

Christians offended by their own Left Behind game


Violence, what violence?

Really? Really? This is your game guys, you made it! Come on! The Left Behind game was based off of a series of OK books which was turned into totally not OK movies, and it was about the forces of good fighting the forces of evil during the end times, which involves, you know, people dying, as the group of Christians who made it discovered.

But then another group of Christians took offense to all the death and destruction that accompanied the apocalypse, and began protesting the game as it promoted “faith-based killing.” The studio was kind of screwed, because Christians were the only ones buying the game in the first place, so when they inevitably start boycotting your game for being a tad bit realistic, you’re probably going to want to halt production on a sequel.

Atheists offended by Spore


I think he would have better things to do.

Yes, atheism is not a religion, it’s the anti-religon, but it’s in the same category as these others despite its best efforts. I was stunned to hear that it was atheists protesting a game based completely around the principle of evolution, and doing so because of the fact that your little creatures could form their own religious society and convert other rival nations to their faith of choice.

That’s well and good, but the ironic thing is that what they really should have been upset about is the fact that the entire game is a big intelligent design simulator. Sure there’s evolution, but you, the all-omniscient being set everything in motion and have great influence over everything that follows. It’s like complaining about a paint scratch on your fender when a someone just slashed all your tires and broke all your windows with a baseball bat.

Muslims offended by Pokemon



Wait, what? Pokemon? I understand the whole “Don’t use our holy words in Little Big Planet” thing, but Pokemon? Oh yes, and the reasons are simply stunning. Here is the official ruling from Muslim leader Shaykh al-Qaradawi who was partially responsible for banning the game in Saudi Arabia:

“The cartoon contains items that run counter to the Muslim’s creed, as it indirectly tries to give support to the controversial Darwin’s theory of evolution, which indicates that every living species undergoes a gradual development, in the sense that the existing species produces new ones through adaptation to new surroundings.”

OK, evolution, fine, but even Christians didn’t protest about that too much.

“This game ‘Pokemon’ also contains some signs that have their meanings and known to their proponents, like ‘The Hexa Star’, which has something to do with the Zionists and Masons, and it has become an emblem for the cancerous and usurping state known as Israel.”

There was a Star of David in Pokemon? Or is there some other magical symbol called the “Hexa Star” I don’t know about or recognize? But sure, why not. Death to Israel and all that stuff, I get it. And finally:

“It distorts the pure minds of children by presenting to them things that have no basis in human reasoning, and that are just the product of the authors’ imagination, totally opposed to Almighty Allah’s Scheme regarding nature. It diverts the child’s attention from his surrounding nature by presenting fictitious animals to him.”

Wait, wait. It’s against the rules of Islam to have an imagination? Can any Muslims confirm that? That really doesn’t seem correct. It “distorts the pure minds of children by presenting to them things that have no basis in human reasoning”? If I’m interpreting this right, it’s something like “thinking about a rat that can shoot lightning is a sin because it doesn’t exist in real life.” I wonder what the Islamic stance on unicorns is.



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  1. If I’m not wrong, creationists (even they’re not a religion exactly, but with a religious base) were offended too by Spore, precisely because the creatures evolved.

    All these people should worry less about games and start thinking by themselves.

  2. “another group of Christians” offended by the game…

    Why don’t you mention “some group of muslims” in muslim offended section?I am from Turkey and one of the nearly 70 million muslims in my country.We haven’t heard such thing(about pokemon).And it is hillarious.But your “Saudi Arabia” is roughly 27 million.And i do not think all of them are offended.If they all were this still makes them minority and you have to call them “another group of muslims”

    And why “muslim offended” section is as big as the sum of the remaining religion sections?What did offended christians said about this?Noone gave long interviews like so called “Leader of Muslims”?

    I am offended,not by the freakin pokemon…
    But you,claim to have a sense a humour,still think there is a muslim prototype.And think that we need someone to represent us,tell us what to do or not to do.

    C’mon man we are better than that…

  3. Bwahahaha!
    I love the Islamic stance of “No imagination for you!”
    Atheists, love ya, but learn not to spew the same level of drivel as your religious counterparts.

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