Five Games I Beat As a Child That I Can’t Beat Now
Castlevania
For as long as I live, from now until death, nothing will haunt my existence quite floating Medusa heads. I still see them in my nightmares. They are the very bane of platforming, and maybe the worst things ever besides Nazis.
You see that pose he is in? I must have spent four years of my youth straight looking at that pose.
Unlike the other games on the list, which all struck a nostalgic chord in me even though they were beating my ass relentlessly, this I played this game, it brought out immediate suppressed feelings of genuine trauma once I saw one of these flying Medusa heads. No joke. Cold sweats. Muttering swears to myself. Rocking myself back and forth. I used to work with survivors of trauma. I know the signs of P.T.S.D.
Not only do I know the signs, but I exhibit them when I play this game. Seriously, if I ever get a time machine, I will go back in time and beg young me to stop playing this game. I know I beat it, and looking back, I admire that.
But I admire that through the tears. So is that a victory, really?
Ghosts n’ Goblins
Wow, this was the point when I was just about ready to put the N.E.S away. This was no longer a measure of my own lack of skills in so much as it was a personal game to see how much pain I could endure. It became like an allegory for the movie Martyrs. I was put through so much pain, that I transcended and saw God. No, seriously, it was THAT bad.
So to put it in perspective, this:
How there are any photos of Arthur this far in the game with armor on is beyond my grasp.
Made me feel like this:
” Wait..I beat the game and I have to beat the entire game again to actually beat the game? NOOOOoooooo…….”
Seriously, do I even need to say anything else?
Nope.
This was my breaking point.
So In Conclusion:
Man, life must have been hell for us as children if one of our favorite escapes was a means of entertainment that constantly beat us down like red headed stepchildren.
I do believe the hand holding in modern games has gotten a little out of hand (what, you are stuck? Hit select and an arrow will appear in mid air and show you which direction to go!), it was only once I had attempted to play some of my childhood favorites again that I realized that all game developrs used to hate children.
That really is the only conclusion that makes sense.
I wrapped that all up like an episode of Seinfeld.
Good read. I aslo beat Tyson once, and I remember there was nobody in sight, then just as Little Mac was celebrating my brother came upstairs and I was even happier to have a witness of my epicness than I was when I actually dropped Tyson. Because back then, if nobody saw it, and you couldn’t repeat it, then it didn’t happen. And I did try to repeat it a couple of times, always came close, but got shafted by Mario in the decision. Good times.
Good article, Remy.
Another great post, Remy. I kind of did this a few months ago, where I played though a bunch of old NES games with a buddy. G&G and Castlevania were a couple we tried, and I did NOT get very far. I couldn’t believe I had done them when I was younger.
One that I was still able to dominate was Megaman 2, though. However, I realized that nothing gives me anxiety quite like battling that freaking dragon boss. My goodness.
It might actually be the TV:s fault modern day flatscreen TV:s have much more input lag than old school “fat” TV:s, in modern games it doesnt matter as much, but playing old school NES games where timing is key to success it throws you of your game.
An old Tv might help.
This reminds me of when I downloaded Ninja Gaiden on my Wii’s virtual console. “This will be the only game in hell,” I thought to myself after dying for the thousandth time.
Hey, thanks for kind words, guys.
@Nqakna_anKaN, Wow, that is a really solid point. I had not thought about that at all, actually.
@ Sara C, that beat my ass so badly on NES and XBOX that I refused to revisit it. The “birds” in that game are pretty much the Medusa heads from Castlevania in a different form, and even talking about them again has me sweating profusely.
I remember playing Shadowgate with my Mom. She was just as into it as I was. She actually suggested we call the Nintendo hotline to get answers on how to pass a certain section!
I have a really cool Mom.
Dude, that Martyrs reference was awesome. But I’m going to have to call bullshit on your claims of having beaten G&G and Punch-Out based on general principle and past experience. I had so man of my friends claim to have easily beaten Iron Mike, and when I showed up at their house or invited them to mine to show me, they all failed as badly as I. I could beat everyone up to Tyson blindfolded, but the man himself was overpowered to a ridiculous extent. And Ghosts and Goblins. SHIT. Maybe the only game I ever played that was worse than Battletoads (at least you didn’t claim that one) in terms of difficulty.
I never had much problem with the dragon in Mega Man 2. My problem was those levels where you had to fall and avoid the spikes or those fucking posts that extended horizontally that would kill you if you touched them. Some years back a friend of mine was stuck on that spike level and actually forced me to play it for him after I stated I’d beaten the game in the day of my youth. The idea of playing the game again cause my hands to shake with memories of past failures, but I actually did it on my first try. I blame muscle memory from having spent so many fucking hours on that level. My greatest old school gaming triumph.
Anyways, the explanation for why we suck as adults is pretty simple. It’s the same reason children learn language and music effortlessly and for most adults it’s like trying to hammer nails of knowledge into your skull. Children’s brains are designed for learning, and adults are products of a lifetime of bad habits and predictable patterns who have lost that ability. Them: new hotness. Us: old and busted.
Great post. I don’t think those games were designed to steal the tears of children, but rather their quarters :). Their arcade roots are showing. So is gaming more enjoyable now with the invention of save points and online guides? Or is it the challenge and reward that comes from beating games gone?
@trashcanman, I decided you are (not sarcastically) my favorite person, and I before I address your points, I want to tell you why. You make me a better writer. You honestly do. I feel you, like the dark side of the force, and that very drive compels me to work harder. And thank you for the Martyrs compliment. We think freakishly alike, you and I. As for Tyson and G&G. I will tell you this with all confidence, I could do Tyson again. I could. Only because I know the only reason I did it, and same with G&G, was absolute resilience and perseverance. In other words, playing for hours and hours on end because I was poor and tended to have one game at a time as a child growing up. That would force me into pattern recognition and memorization over time. I am convinced, with time, I could beat Tyson again. But G&G, I agree with you completely. Two levels reduced me to a quivering mess, so there is no way I could prove that. Even to myself. Oh, and I want a shirt that says “Old and Busted” now. That is awesome, and spot on. @ Sean, good call about the quarters! You know what stole all my childhood allowances, week after week? Dragon’s Lair…..
Sort of the opposite direction, I was a 26 year old living in a dorm (I had just got of the military). One of my roommates picked up an N64 on ebay. He played it about 15 minutes before throwing down the controller in disgust at Mario 64. I hadn’t picked up a controller since I left home at 18. On a lark, I picked it up.
Three hours later, he comes into the room. I had zoned out completely. He asked if I had gotten far. “Not really…I am at 58 stars”. It blew his mind because at the start of school, everyone made fun of me because I didn’t know that A drives weren’t still being used by people.
OMG, great timed post. I decided to play G&G again last night randomly, and then you post this. But, holy heck did it destroy me. It wasn’t even fair. Mike Tyson is just patience and playing the game till the timing is second nature. I don’t think we have the attention span and free-time to spend 8 hours straight, playing the same level, like we did as kids.
This only really happens to me in 2D fighting games.
@ Joe, you really DO have a cool Mom!
I’m 19 and, dudes, Punch Out is pretty easy.
Damn, I thought I was the only person on the planet to finish or even play shadow gate. What about bionic commando or ninja gaiden?
as soon as i saw the article, i thought Mega Man 3. i bought it last year on my PS3, because that’s probably one of my favorite games of all time, and definitely my favorite from that franchise. i used to play the hell out of that game…knew all the best weapons for each boss, knew how to stomp through it with and without cheats (codes for E-tanks, the 2nd controller invincibility trick, etc). i even once beat the game without ever using any special weapons (other than Rush).
now? good god, it took me several tries to get through the first 8 bosses, and i got my ass handed to me several times on the Doc Robot revisited stages. ouch.
oh well. still worth the $3 or w/e for the nostalgia.
also, Mega Man 9 was frustratingly fun. felt just like the original games…up until the point where i realized i had to do Dr Wily’s castle in one sitting. that was when i said, “eh, good enough,” and turned the game off forever. also worth the $10 for that feeling of being a kid again with a brand new NES game.
It’s why I never really got into the NES. I give up too easily
so you guys just repost these every few months or so? Don’t get me wrong its a good article, but you shouldn’t repost old articles.