Eight of the Most Frustrating Unlockables in Video Games


Shadow_of_Colossus_Fruit_Tree_Screenshot

Forbidden Fruit — Shadow of the Colossus

I was amazed when I found out how few people actually found this item in a game with such a cult following. The rumors surrounding what lay in the “secret garden” were much more enticing than the actual reward. Even so, getting to the top of the Shrine of Worship was all too tantalizing to pass up. The first time I laid eyes on the dizzying heights I knew I wanted to climb the damn thing.

With some help from the internet, I used the diagonal jump trick to get to the top of the first pillar … and died. Then I killed some more colossi to get more grip strength and tried again. Then I died again. Afterwards, I printed out a map of all the hidden glowy lizards that can increase your grip strength even further. With all this help I still kept dying.

One mistake or hesitation meant that your character would plummet to a bone crushing end. You had to get the controls perfect and with timing down to a few frames. Once you finally reached the top, you were rewarded with even more of the splendorous architecture that the game was so good at delivering. You also got some fruit that shrank your health and grip. Gee, thanks a lot, gods.


tofu_inicio1

Hand Cannon & Tofu — Dead Space 2/Resident Evil 2

Capcom and EA clearly wanted you to be really really good at their games.  Nothing ups the ante of survival horror like shaving down your save requirements to almost nil.

Dead Space 2 tasked you with hardcore mode, which required you to face the toughest enemies with next to no ammo, no checkpoints, and only three saves. Resident Evil 2 similarly asked you to finish the game with a straight A ranking, meaning like Dead Space you only got three saves in addition to other stringent requirements, such as an unforgiving time limit.

At least the reward for both challenges was good for a laugh. Tofu’s squeaky walk samples were almost as funny as Isaac Clarke going “Pew! Pew! Pew!”

CqtMK

Last Heart Cube Piece — FEZ

The first person to actually solve the mystery had to be told directly by a member of the design team. He was sworn to secrecy. Finding this item the legitimate way required an entire team of internet sleuths collaborating and working around the clock.

The effort it took players to finally crack the secrets of FEZ and open the mysterious monolith is nothing short of astounding. Listing the tale in detail would take far too long, so I suggest reading Ars Technica’s stellar write up of the process instead.

Once the players finally assembled their cube heart they received no in-game reward other than bragging rights. I guess the journey truly can be more important than the destination. That or Phil Fish is a jerk. Either theory works.

I inevitably left out some unlockables that had our readers in fits. Let me know your most excruciating unlockable experiences in the comments!

Jarrod Lipshy is a UGA English alumnus and a freelance content writer. He collects old video games and keeps an eye out for fat imaginary snakes.

 

Similar Posts

15 Comments

  1. The most frustrating part about the Ice Arrows, is you could get all the keys and finish the mini-dungeon, but open too many useless doors and you it was all for naught. Though personally I found the sinking lure to be more frustrating. Even knowing where and how to find it, it took me many painless hours to get it, and once finding it, it took patience (that by then was wearing thin) to catch the big fish on the bottom with out scaring it, and not much of a reward if you succeed.

  2. Zelda is my favorite series in the world, but sometimes it doesn’t seem to understand the need for a reward to match the effort put into obtaining it.

  3. The fifteen minute melee in Super Smash Bros Melee to unlock Kongo Jungle stage. You spend 14 minutes and 55 seconds crushin’ suckers only to have some wayward bob-omb blow up and cause you to start over

    1. Ugh true story. I would use DK’s ground pound and pray, hammering the D button as much as I could. It was usually the last five seconds when it went to pot, as you said.

      1. I had a friend who swore Mewtwo on the edge, charging his B move was the way to go….But you’re right, DK ground pound was the only way. That and event 151 were epic feats to accomplish in that game..

  4. At least FF7’s “Knight of the Round” Spell was useful. Of course it was so over the top (3 min animation of giants Robot Knights slashing at your opponents) that you could finish the game without using it, but it was useful to defeat the Ultima Weapons optional bosses.

    But yeah, it was a pain to get, since you had to run an intensive Chocobo breading program : capture wild chocobo, keep only the one with high potential, train them so they become race champion, then breed them until you get a Blue Chocobo and a Black Chocobo, train them then breed these two : Voilà Golden Chocobo.
    You can know use the Golden Chocobo to reach the island with the KotR Materia… 🙂

  5. Monster and Item Trophy in FF13/13-2…..that FEZ one, took me long enough, Knights of the round…that damn golden chocobo…..the Sigils on FFX are hard/long enough…….overall, most of the ones ive gotten are just about bragging rights, you become so strong in the game that the final/secret boss just doesnt put up a fight….

  6. How about attempting to get Excalibur 2 for Steiner in FFIX by reaching the tower in the Crystal world in 12hrs from the moment you select “new game”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.