Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

Jul 22 2014

Why Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is One of the Best Sequels in Years

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DAWN PLANET APES MOV

Hopefully you guys have all seen Dawn of the Planet of the Apes by now. If not, fix that! It’s the best movie of the summer (barring Snowpiercer, which is a very different sort of thing). Matt Reeves’ sequel to 2011’s sleeper hit showcases great action, strong characters, and above-average intelligence. And yes, there’s flaws, too. It’s not perfect.

Still, the flaws aren’t my business today, because what that struck me most of all about this movie was how well it functioned as a sequel. With all the franchises and spinoffs and whatever else we’re swamped with these days, you’d think more folks would actually know how to use the sequel format correctly. But, uh… you’d be wrong.

Matt Reeves and his crew got it very, very right. Here’s how:

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Jul 21 2014

A Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball 3 Wish List

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A lot of people who have been following the stuff I write online know that I am in love with the video game Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball series. I recently discovered that a third game is indeed in development, but the bad news is that it will be delayed. I wasn’t that disappointed with the news because I’m glad that Tecmo finally acknowledged that there will even be another game for the fighting game’s spin-off.

Consequently, this made me think about the things I want to see in the next game. Some people even joked that the reason behind the delay is because the boob physics aren’t up to par. Yes, I’m sure a lot of fans would like to see that improved on the latest generation of consoles. Joking aside, the series deserves a lot more credit with its other features besides the partial nudity and innuendo.

What am I looking forward to in the third game?

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3 responses so far


Jul 08 2014

“What is Bayhem?”: Dissecting the Awful, Inimitable Style of Michael Bay

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This whole Michael Bay thing has gotten out of hand. Every time he puts out another equally bad movie, the conversation about it goes through the same motions: He’s terrible, but his movies look great, but his action is incoherent, but people love it anyway. It’s weird that someone who makes such objectively dumb movies can be so polarizing.

I’m probably as guilty as anybody, by the way. There’s just something compelling about the absolute badness that defines a Bay film.

Enter Tony Zhou, whose latest installment on his Vimeo channel “Every Frame a Painting” gets right to the heart of the issue. Zhou’s been consistently great for several weeks now. This particular piece takes eight minutes (ish) to break down Michael Bay’s style, and why it inspires such simultaneous delight and revulsion in his audiences.

Check it out, and then take to the comments to either bitch about Bay some more or explain why him being good at action makes it okay for him to keep churning out awful movies.

 

3 responses so far


Jul 04 2014

Happy Fourth of July!

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Have a great weekend, US folks! We’ll see you back here on Monday.

God, if the ’90s was a singular comic book character, it would be Jubilee.

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Jun 26 2014

A Totally Bitchin’ 80s Game of Thrones Synth Theme

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Mixmaster extraordinaire Steve Duzz (that makes him sound like a Beastie Boy), was apparently very much inspired by Mike Wrobel’s Game of Thrones art. So much so that he decided to record a dance synth version of the show’s famous theme, which you can check out above. If you’re not grooving to it within 30 seconds, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

I love Game of Thrones, but they really do have to stop using literally a zillion variations of the same two songs over and over, the theme and of course, The Rains of Castemere, which now plays when absolutely anything good OR bad happens to the Lannisters. Or really anybody.

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Jun 26 2014

Dan Mora’s Batman Cast

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In case you forgot, this year marks the 75th anniversary of Batman, and that means a whole hell of a lot of tribute pieces for the caped crusader (and his rogue’s gallery). This batch is from Dan Mora.

Has any other hero in pop culture been so defined by his villains? Yeah, Supes has Zod, Luke has Vader and Potter has Voldermort, but the scope and depth of Batman’s foes has always impressed me.

Oh, and Bane’s below, because he’s so huge that he wouldn’t fit with the others.

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Jun 25 2014

The Final Countdown: Harrison Ford, Picturing Incorrectly and Game Devs

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Audi At "Ender's Game" Premiere

Go here to see the best Harrison Ford movies.

“With Episode VII of Star Wars on its way and set to hit theaters next year, along with news that Harrison Ford was just recently hurt on set and had to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, that go us thinking about the prolific acting and his long and very impressive career of playing incredibly iconic roles. Jack Ryan. Indiana Jones. Han Solo.”

The Countdown

20 things everyone pictures incorrectly – [Cracked]
Female developers on the rise in the gaming industry – [Insert Coin]
Aereo killed by the Supreme Court – [TVO]
The five richest pro poker playeres – [Worthly]
Gordon Ramsay is done with Kitchen Nightmares – [CelebrityToob]
10 amazing facts about The Lion King – [FilmDrunk]
The best catchphrases on TV – [GeeksAreSexy]
A gallery of touching photos – [TheChive]
Watching all three Transformers movies at once – [WWIW]
13 handicapped animals that pressed on – [Caveman]
How to define a date – [Neatorama]
The worst nightclub promo ever – [OMGBLOG]

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Jun 24 2014

Um… Why is Transformers Going to Be Almost Three Hours Long?

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WHY???

Transformers: Age of Extinction* is going to be 165 minutes long. That puts it a comfortable 10 minutes ahead of the previous movie, and over 20 minutes longer than the first one. Its runtime will literally match The Bridge on the River Kwai.

I have problems with this.

There’s a lot that I might talk about here — the rampant “more is more” disease that plagues action movies, or the emphasis on trailer shots and marketing images in lieu of storytelling and character, but mainly I just don’t get it.

It’s not why these things are bad that’s confusing. I get (but don’t like) that what we call “Hollywood” is a business first, and thus less concerned with story than with assets like marketability or brand recognition. What I don’t get, is why the most crassly commercial movies are so often the ones with such offensively bloated runtimes.

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6 responses so far


Jun 17 2014

NewTube: YouTube Channels You May Not Have Seen

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We have reinvented television. When before we were slaves to three major networks (and PBS) now we can have 24 cat videos. I don’t know if it’s funny, sad, disturbing or all three that more people have watched PewDiePie than ever saw Shakespeare, Mozart, or DaVinci’s work in their lifetimes. Combined. Then doubled. Times ten. YouTube is one of the internet’s largest seas, and there are always new islands to discover for those daring to set sail.

But if you’re looking for a more direct destination, navigate towards these digital docks, crank up the resolution to 1080P and enjoy. Today I’ll be highlighting three unique YouTube channels that offer thrilling, off-beat, and always entertaining content the likes of which we only dreamed about as we waited for Nick Arcade or You Can’t Do That on Television to come on for those brief thirty minutes.

Switch to theater mode. Here’s some new Tube for You. Continue Reading »

One response so far


Jun 10 2014

“While You Were Sleeping” is the Most Frightening Movie We All Ignored

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Sometimes disbelief can only be suspended so much.

I hate when moviegoers chide whatever Hollywood outing they see before them because of meaningless minutiae. The people who give Batman movies crap when they don’t show who constructed the Batcave. The folks who get FURIOUSLY angry when Kitty Pryde just happens to have…time travel psychic powers?  Anyone who has ANY problem with the Back to the Future trilogy.

To me, those audience members are missing the whole point of going to the movies: escapism. We’re trying to get away from the real world when the lights go down, and if you’re too busy bitching about the plausibility of Toy Story 3, just stay home.

But there was always one movie that I couldn’t quite shake. One premise that always sang a sour note in an overall positive world of cinema symphonies. One film that was cute at first, odd when you really thought about it, and terrifying when you realized what it really meant.

Pour yourself some black coffee and stay awake with me, Unrealtors, because you don’t want to know the horrors of what might happen…while you were sleeping. Continue Reading »

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Jun 10 2014

Ranking the Badass Films (and Episodes) of Neil Marshall

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So, Neil Marshall rocked the house again in this week’s Game of Thrones. First “Blackwater,” now “The Watchers on the Wall.” He may be at risk of becoming a default choice for the creative team on that show. “So, we have this giant battle epis–” “GET NEIL.”

Still, if he gets stuck in that role it’s only because he’s a damn fine director. Despite not being anything approaching a household name, Neil Marshall has been one of the most reliable action directors in the biz over the past decade or so. Where most action cinema is moving towards weightlessness and incoherence, Marshall is getting better and better at delivering story-driven action that delivers weight and clarity.

So, in honor of “The Watchers on the Wall,” we’re going to sit down and rank his entire filmography. You’ll never guess what makes the top slot! Okay, yes, it’s The Descent. But, uh… you’ll never guess where Game of Thrones winds up!

(Also, I can’t care to check out Black Sails, so those in the know should weigh in below and tell me where that one belongs.)

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