Liveblogging the 2012 Oscars

There are only four events I liveblog each year for this site, and three of them are the Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo E3 press conferences in July. But the third? That would be the Oscars, and I’m determined to keep the tradition going no matter how boring I predict the event will be.

I’m putting up this post hours early to remind you to check back here at about 8PM EST when the actual ceremony starts. If there’s time, I may do a touch of red carpet commentary beforehand.

The host is Billy Crystal, the nominees are a bunch of movies not a lot of people have seen, and we can only hope for something out of the ordinary to make this year stand out. But that said, I do enjoy the event and look forward to it each year, and hopefully you’ll enjoy reading along as I comment on the event as it happens. See you in a few hours!

UPDATE: Alright, as of 7PM EST I’m around. Bit of red carpet commentary before the ceremony starts at 8. If you’re following along, please feel free to comment!


11:36 – The Artist!!! Super pumped. Glad for the film, but moreso that Hugo didn’t end up winning. But yeah, it’s absolutely deserved, and if you haven’t seen it yet, check it out when it expands after its win tonight. Don’t let a select contingent of naysayers dissuade you, it’s almost impossible not to like this movie. Being in an actual theater enhances the experience, so don’t wait for Netflix. That’s all for me, this has been fun, but tiring, as always. Will look forward to seeing how low the ratings were this year!

11:34 – Is Tom Cruise doing Best Picture? Yep, here we go.

11:29 – Wow, another one for Meryl Streep. I mean, yeah, alright. Should have figured. At least she’s being funny about it.

11:25 – Best Actress. Come on Rooney Mara! This is one of the only categories I’m actually passionate about this year because of her. I think the competition is too steep this year though.

11:22 – More tap dancing! He forgot to thank the dog.

11:19 – Dujardin! Definitely deserved it. Convincingly acting through an entire film where you can’t talk? The other roles don’t even compare in difficulty.

11:15 – Best Actor time, I genuinely have no idea. Either Jean Dujardin or Brad Pitt.

11:12 – Fatigue is starting to set in. Let’s get a move on.

11:07 – Steve Jobs made the cut? I guess his products have allowed us to watch movies on comically tiny screens.

11:04 – Who died this year? Did Whitney Houston act?

11:02 – These commercial breaks are getting abusively long.

10:56 – It really is insane how many time Meryl Streep’s been nominated. She could have been in Battlefield Earth and still would have been nominated.

10:54 – Niiiiiice! The Artist takes it! That’s a genuine surprise, but definitely who I would want to see win. I really did love that film. Now, onto a Best Picture statue as well!

10:52 – Best director? The way the night is going, this is going to be Scorsese isn’t it? I mean, how can you win all the cinematography, set design, editing and sound awards and not?

10:51 – Margin Call is like a way, way better version of Wall Street 2.

10:46 – I have nothing humorous to say about any of these shorts. I just don’t think this should be a segment since almost 100% of the viewing audience hasn’t seen any of them.

10:40 – These shorts seem like they shouldn’t be in the actual show. I mean they’re cool, but I’d say the most minor awards out of any of them.

10:38 – Does Milla Jovovitch have a lazy eye or am I crazy?

10:35 – Wait, Dean Pelton wrote The Descendants? I totally missed that. That explain that hilarious diva leg pose.

10:32 – Girls on my Facebook feed complimenting Angelina’s “toned arms” is scary. Yeah, she toned them all the way down to the bone, that’s for sure.

10:31 – Midnight in Paris. Yeah, that’s deserved for sure. Woody Allen didn’t even show up? Wow. I guess he does film like two movies a year.

10:30 – Original screenplay. Wow, Bridesmaids is nominated for more than I thought. I loved Margin Call, but it won’t win.

10:29 – Not a Descendants fan, but I love them making fun of the way Jolie was standing.

10:27 – Oh, and Hugo wasn’t even an original story idea? Come on now. Moneyball should absolutely win this incidentally.

10:25 – Angelina is standing so that 98% of her leg is showing? She looks like a store mannequin. And you could snap her arms if you brushed past her too harshly.

10:20 – Bret Mackenzie wrote that! The Rhymenocerous himself? The Flight of the Conchords are now 50% Oscar winners.

10:18 – Best song, there’s only two right? Then The Muppets have to win. We have to see who accepts.

10:16 – Nah, The Artist. That’s cool. I mean, the soundtrack had to be EVERYTHING in that movie after all.

10:15 – Original score. Let me guess, another category for Hugo to add to its pile perhaps? Yet another category where Dragon Tattoo got screwed.

10:13 – There should just be a “Best Soundtrack” award in which case Drive would win.


10:09 – Mind reading is Billy’s funniest bit so far. I’m assuming this is a recurring gag he does.

10:04 – My thoughts on Rango, for those asking. I never did write a Hugo review after I saw it for some reason. Really wish I did.

10:02 – I’m wrong, Christopher Plummer, hooray! Oldest actor to ever win an Oscar. That’s pretty damn cool actually. I’ll have to see Beginners now.

9:59 – Supporting actor. And let me guess, Max von Sydow, with a “powerful” performance that involves making a few facial expressions over the course of twenty minutes.


9:56 – Planet of the Apes HAS to win visual effects. C’mon. For Serkis! May he never be slighted this badly again!

9:55 – Emma Stone is hilarious. And looks eight feet tall next to Ben Stiller.

9:54 – Wait, was that a fake leg Melissa McCarthy used in Bridesmaids? My mind is blown.

9:48 – I just love that Cars 2 finally broke Pixar’s nomination streak. They deserved it. Rango? That movie was just downright bizarre.

9:46 – Love Chris Rock’s straight talk on how easy animation voicework is.

9:43 – Best documentary. I shall watch the winner in a week or so. Which is Undefeated. Looks Friday Night Lights-ish, I dig it.

9:42 – The Iron Man duo reunites. RDJ looks like he’s wearing 3D glasses.

9:39 – Pretty cool but I thought it was going to all match up with specific movies. Guess not.

9:36 – Cirque du Soliel attempts to liven things up. This has potential to be cool.

9:35 – The Muppets! They should have hosted.

9:34 – I should probably be watching The Walking Dead right now.

9:30 – Four for Hugo. If this wins Best Picture, I swear…

9:29 – Sound mixing! I never understood the difference. Usually what wins one, wins the other, right?

9:27 – What’s this one, sound editing? Transformers is here, must be. “Transformers” and “Oscars” should not be the same sentence. Hugo racks up its third statue. Oh, and there goes Drive’s only chance for anything.

9:25 – Hey! Girl with the Dragon Tattoo won something! Probably it’s only thing of the night, but I’m still hoping for Rooney Mara.

9:24 – Film editing! The excitement continues.

9:22 – Annnd now this is going on for way too long.

9:20 – Focus testing the Wizard of Oz with the Christopher Guest crew. Funny idea, not so much in execution.

9:16 – “The Artist is the first silent film to be nominated since 1928.” OH REALLY?

9:13 – Best Supporting Actress goes to Octavia Spencer! Wow, I actually didn’t see that coming. I liked The Help, and her in it. Screw the haters.

9:10 – I had to look up when Christian Bale won an Oscar. Felt like an idiot when I figured out it was last year for The Fighter. What, he’s had a lot of good roles!

9:09 – The Separation wins. Iranian? Are they allowed to watch the Oscars over there? Do they just blur out all the women except Glenn Close?

9:07 – Best foreign language film. For a second I thought Sandra Bullock was going to be responsible for the most offensive moment in Oscar history.

9:03 – “No baseball film has ever won Best Picture.” Really? How about a movie about black maids? Trench warfare fighting horses? Parisian steampunk robot-loving orphans?

9:02 – They’ll be rebooting Gargantua after this segment because of Brad Pitt’s endorsement.

8:59 – The Iron Lady wins make-up. I think it was more the hair.

8:58 – Glenn Close doesn’t look like a guy in Albert Nobbs, she just looks like an alien.

8:57 – And he wins! Thank god I can wear my oversize suit in public again.

8:56 – The Artist’s most involved costume choice was apparently making the guy’s suit slightly too big.

8:55 – Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. Hello 1998!

8:53 – Hey, movies are great! Let’s watch some completely random clips! Man, they really pulled out all the stops this year. I’m pretty sure they used the first video they found searching for “classic movie montage” on YouTube.

8:52 – Wait, are they really calling “Good Christian Bitches” “GCB?” Wow ABC.

8:47 – Could Hugo REALLY win Best Picture? That would be insane. I get that some people appreciate it, but both myself and my girlfriend fell asleep halfway through for a solid ten minutes. I wish I was joking.

8:46  -Now art direction. Probably Hugo again. Maybe Midnight. Annnnd it’s Hugo.

8:45 – What was that? Cinematography? Hugo wins. I hope this isn’t a trend.

8:44 – Idea: Husband and wife Amy Poehler and Will Arnett host next year.

8:43 – I love how they don’t actually have to pick 10 nominees. Nine? Nah, there weren’t ten good movies this year, we’re fine.

8:40 – This has to be pretty painful for anyone under 30.

8:37 – Billy Crystal is immortal. And he has hosted more than 10% of the Oscars by himself.

8:34 – Bieber. All thirty three teenage girls who are watching this show are screaming hysterically right now.

8:33 – All thirty three people who have seen The Artist are laughing hysterically right now.

8:31 – Here we go! Crystal may be tame, but he doesn’t usually disappoint. Annnnd neither does Morgan Freeman?

8:26 – Is it bad that it’s probably true that the original Brett Ratner/Eddie Murphy combo would have made this 10x more interesting?

8:24 – Brian Grazer with the good old finger in the electric socket look.

8:23 – Tom Hanks and Brad Pitt having grey goatees makes me feel old.

8:20 – John Carter may be worthwhile, but it will bomb HARD. I’m going to write a whole column about that this week.

8:17 – Just realized that when I said Carey Mulligan earlier, that was Michelle Williams. Whoops.

8:14 – What is with all this sparkly shoulder and belt armor the women are wearing this year?

8:13 – Brad Pitt has regrown his Troy hair for unknown reasons.

8:12 – All these commercials are reminding me that there are exactly ZERO shows I currently watch on ABC.

8:05 – The Starcraft tournament I’m watching concurrently with this just ended. Go MarineKing!

8:02 – Awww the show doesn’t start until 8:30? I screw this up every year. They are doing a poor job of making sure people don’t fall asleep by the end.

7:57 – Penelope Cruz is channeling Katy Perry, though her dress does not have anything shooting out of the boobs.

7:53 – I love how they keep inviting JLo just to see what she wears. Oh, of course, she’s an actress. Sure she is.

7:49 – Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have two live action Snow White movies out at the same time? Someone should have gone for live action Aladdin instead.

7:36 – Melissa McCarthy and Adele are making this a good year for a particular body type. Talent doesn’t care about your tiny-minded stereotypes!

7:35 – You have every celebrity in the world on the red carpet, and you’re cutting away to pre-taped segments? Bad ABC.

7:34 – I thought Christopher Plummer was Max von Sydow for a minute. All old white people look the same!

7:33 – Man, Carey Mulligan’s hair grows REALLY slowly.

7:31 – So I missed this on TV so far, but Jessica Chastain wins best dress according to this straight male. That is referring to me, not Perez Hilton.

7:30 – Someday, I will wear a tuxedo to something besides prom.

7:24 – If there was an Oscar for Most Adorable, it would go to Emma Stone.

7:23 – Alright, I’m going to switch this to newest first so you don’t have to scroll down every time you reload the page.

7:19 – Milla Jovovitch could actually be a great female action star if she would only stop starring in crappy movies directed by her husband.

7:16 – If the dog from The Artist is wearing a bow tie, I am going to be so happy.

7:09 – One of my favorite people ever (Tim Gunn) interviewing one of my least favorite people ever (Maya Rudolph). I can never put my finger on why exactly that is in her case, but it’s either her voice, her face, or some combination of the two.



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  1. Emma stone is beautiful, and she has the make-up and hair down, but you’d think after this many Oscars, red-heads would stop wearing red.

    Oh, and hello Tassi. Love your blog.

    ~ ‘Gotta love Ellen. xD

  2. Two heavy set women does not make for a change in stereotyping. Hell one of those two made their career off of being heavy in the acting world so she uses that to her advantage! And the other uses her weight as a way to make herself stick out along with her talent.

  3. Every time they mention a nomination for the girl with the dragon tattoo I get more and more pissed that it wasn’t nominated for best picture. Social network should’ve won last year too.

  4. Hugo’s winning way too many awards. Cinematography and VFX are ridiculous.

    Also, notice how they cut off the documentary winners but not Plummer? I mean, he’s been around longer (obviously) but there were three of them and they were freakin’ excited to be there. Classless move, turning off their microphone.

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