IMDB’s Bottom 10: The Starfighters

Perhaps it’s because I hate myself, but more likely it’s because I love movies. Even bad movies. Especially bad movies, come to think of it. Call it noble, call it stupid, but I have decided to brave the worst celluloid has to offer: the ten worst movies of all time.

Movie: The Starfighters

Drink of choice: Le Ferme Julien Rose

Companions: Friend and stalwart movie viewer Andy Feldman

IMDB Bottom 100 Ranking: #10

Choice Quote: “Did you know flying a plane is like making love?”

The film’s titlecard or a failed Atari game?

On the surface, The Starfighters is a film about an Air Force base. At it’s deepest level, The Starfighters is a film about an Air Force base. Given the fact that the only way to view this movie without buying a VHS copy online was to watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, I knew I was in for a stinker. Still, I adore bad movies.  Unfortunately, one of the criteria for a movie to be bad is that there has to actually be a film.

The Starfighters has, at various moments throughout its 90 minute run time, more stock footage of Air Force planes refueling and bombing targets than a training video. Remember the beginning of Mel Brooks’ classic Spaceballs? The ship that carries Dark Helmet makes a hilariously tedious entrance, dragging on and on across the frame. This movie is like one long, unfunny version of that gag.

The backside of the never-ending ship during the opening of Spaceballs

Is there a plot? I’m not entirely sure. The movies jumps between lengthy segments of dialogue-less plane footage and scenes between a small group of military personnel cavorting at a bar, one pilot driving his date to some kind of a Lover’s Lane and also a pool party. Given how many defenseless targets are bombed in this movie, and the fact that Mr. Top Gun never gets the moves on his lady love, I’d say this movie is about a non-existent war against the sand of Death Valley and a guy struggling mightily to get to second base.

Should you see it? Absolutely not. Think back to my first installment, on Thankskilling. That movie is F- awful and also a must see. I’ve probably watched it six times by now. However, not all bad movies are good times. The Starfighters is excruciatingly slow, and the credits should’ve featured a cameo appearance by Scramble, since Andy was fighting the tedium by playing it on his phone throughout the viewing. Half my notes on this thing were plot developments phrased as questions, since I could never tell what exactly was going on. Next time you go to the gas station, watch someone fill up there tank. Repeat eighteen times. Congratulations, you’ve just watched The Starfighters!

[Note: If you are really a glutton for punishment, the MST3K version can be streamed on Netflix instant]

Next up: #9, 2002’s Ben & Arthur. Wish me luck.


2 Comments

  1. Steve February 27, 2012
  2. Tim February 27, 2012

Add Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Five Solid TV Shows and Movies Turned into Games
10 Humongous Plot Holes in the Star Wars Franchise
May the Fourth Be With You: The History of “Star Wars Day”
MCU Characters Whose Costumes Got Worse Over Time
Guide to Retro Gaming: How to Prepare Your Playing Device for This
How to Get the Luna’s Howl Hand Cannon in Destiny 2
Explaining the Ending to Outlast 2
The 5 Best Nintendo Switch Battery Cases for 2019
Who Is Gotham’s Solomon Grundy?
Explaining Black Sky from Marvel’s The Defenders
What We Know About the White Ranger Showing Up in BOOM! Studios’s Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Lord Zedd
Five DC Superheroes Who are Incredible Liars
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Guy Gardner
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Mister Terrific
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Marvel’s Okoye
Here’s Why Apple Should Buy Activision
The Advantages of Developing a Mobile App
10 Things You Should Know about Logitech Gaming Software
Why Web Performance Optimization Matters