Five Things I Learned from the Super Bowl

It’s currently Sunday evening, and I’m watching Tom Brady cry. It’s the afterglow of my Super Bowl evening which was sponsored almost entirely by Miller Light, so bear with me if this isn’t the most coherent post you’ve written. I mean read. It’s starting already.

I don’t watch sports. Quite simply, I don’t have the time. I respect it as a leisure activity, but with the sheer amount of movies, TV shows and video games I have to keep up with in order to maintain my day job, I simply do not have the time to watch multiple three and a half hour games a week.

But the Super Bowl? Well, it’s the Super Bowl, and I have to make an exception. But the event is more than just about football, it’s a media sensation that I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on at all. Here are five things I learned from this year’s game.

1. You can no longer look forward to Super Bowls because of the ads

It’s the go-to statement for people who don’t like football to say they watch the Super Bowl because of the creative and funny ads. But that’s really no longer the case as in recent years (and especially this one) the ads simply aren’t significant or memorable.

I remember one about a dog working out to be skinny. I remember Toyota “reinventing” things so the DMV was fun and rain made you skinny. Past that? I’m going to start have to Googling “Best and Worst Super Bowl Ads” to be able to remember. They just aren’t anything all that special anymore, and now in the age of the internet, I’d already watched half of them before they played during the actual broadcast.

2. Madonna has some OK songs

I actually liked the half-time show this year, which is something I couldn’t say for a long time, as each year artists were brought in that were far beyond my time. And also I have “shitty taste” in music, so I can’t appreciate Tom Petty or the Rolling Stones as much as other people it seems.

Madonna is another relic, yes, but I’m pretty sure she hasn’t aged in like 20 years, and I actually dug a lot of her classic and modern tracks. The performance was infused with enough current artists to make it current, but what the shit was MIA doing there alongside “all the rage right now” performers like LMFAO and Nicki Minaj? Does she have some new single out that I don’t know about?

MIA says “f*** off, Tassi.”

3. I think I want to go as a Spartan for Halloween

Seriously, Madonna’s intro inspired me, and I think I’m going to bite the bullet and work out for the next nine months (math?) so I can dress up as Leonidas next year for Halloween. The gf (errr fiancée) has said she will be my Queen whatever the hell her name was.

I really wish they wore more armor, as that’s going to be freaking freezing. But I am going to enjoy hunting down that shield and helmet on prop sites online.

4. The Puppy Bowl has sold out

What happened to you Puppy Bowl? Whenever boring shit was going on during the game, I turned to you to be entertained by puppies running around with stuffed footballs. Now I have to see the cast of the latest Air Buddies Disney DVD hunting down some treasure inside the Puppy Stadium? What’s that about?

At least the kitten halftime show was as amazing as ever.

5. Football can be as exciting as professional Starcraft

Usually the only time I get excited about any kind of competition is when Idra is about to beat MC with a great Infestor/Ling timing in Starcraft II, but this Super Bowl showed me that actual sports are worth getting excited about from time to time as well.

I had no stake in either of these teams winning, and picked the Patriots because they had two Michigan Wolverines (Brady and Mesko) as opposed to one (Manningham), but damn, the end of that game was undeniably intense, even if I never did watch another NFL game all year.

Alright, now time to check this post for typos. Bed time. See you next year with hopefully more puppies and a Nickelback halftime show.