Frankensteining the Perfect Horror Movie

Plot:

For this we need to go with The Exorcist. Take the familiar and make it unfamiliar. Take the safe and immediately make it unsafe. Also, take taboos and turn them on their head. Religion, sex, death. Anything that has the potential to make people squirm is worth playing up.

Remember, this is a HORROR film we are trying to build here, so people being freaked out or horrified or incredibly uncomfortable is OK. We are trying for that.

The Exorcist is that one movie that most people see and just spend the rest of the rest of their lives terribly freaked out by it. People look back on watching the Exorcist with the same shuddering discomfort that people do when they think of that really creepy bus driver they knew when they were a kid who was always looking at them a bit too long.

Does picking the Exorcist mean I think the movie should about possession? No. I am picking the Exorcist because filmmakers need to approach their horror in much the same way that this film was. Take the audience OUT OF their comfort zone and never allow them to step foot back in it.

They may have only shown it on screen for milliseconds at a time, but it stays with you.

In short: Attack early and often. Keep the viewers unsure of what is coming, but make sure they know they are uncomfortable with it before it comes. Try to keep everything contained to a few sets, usually the the more claustrophobic the feeling, the more tense it is for all of us when we watch it. Also, taboos. Lots of taboos. Nothing is safe in horror, and nothing should be.

Ending:

This is where I will lose most of you, and I am OK with that because I stand firmly behind this choice. Martyrs. Don’t worry, I will do my best to avoid spoiling it here for you whom haven’t seen it, but I will speak vaguely of the ending, just so you know.

The end of that movie, for those who understand it or atleast understand it in their own terms, is f****ng brilliant, straight up. It slaps the viewer in the face with an existential question, and then presents us the answer to that question, but not in a way that is so clear that the movie has a solid “definitive” ending. Truth is, it truly does not, and that is what makes it so powerful.

Be forewarned: Actually watching all the way to the ending of Martyrs is no easy feat, but very much worth it.

You can talk to a multitude of people who will have taken something completely different away from that ending than anyone else. To some folks, that might be annoying. Some of you like your endings handed to you in a gift wrapped package with a nice little bow, and a ribbon that explains it all to you, just to make sure. The truth is that movies are very much like music in the sense that everyone should take something different away from a film.

I believe an ending like Martyrs (and another example, last year’s Drive’s) is going to be the next big advance in movies. Movies where the film ends and it is up to you to interpret how the story ended.

Did she or didn’t she talk to God? If I think she DID talk to God, and you think she DIDN’T, doesn’t that in itself make the movie much more vast and interesting? And even then, what did she say and why did she react that way? Yes, the movie ends with questions, but guess what questions do, they incite conversation. So if this movies ending’s goal was to incite conversations, that is a huge kudos from me.

TRUST ME: Make it to the end of this film, it is worth it.

Art that leads to more art is the most brilliant art of all. And if you HATE the existential ending, well, I respect your viewpoint, but a more effective ending I do not know. I almost went with Funny Games again, but I know people hate nihilistic endings even more than they hate existential ones, so I went with Martyrs. My version of the ending to Martyrs is a happy one. How did it end for you?

In short: Take everything you have exposed us to and taught us about the world you built in the last 90 minutes and just bring it to a head.

Take your audience to their limit by testing their perception and making an ending that is still an “ending”, but has the ability for different people to take away different things from it. When an ending like this, you do risk polarizing your audience a bit, but it is worth it in the end, because the people who do LOVE the movie, will make sure everyone else knows that.

Also, twist endings can be dope when they are done right (see FIGHT CLUB) but in horror, they are RARELY done right, so avoid it unless it is an actually brilliant and mind blowing twist (WHAT?! That Dracula is really a WOLF MAN????)

And this would be the final screen, for nostalgia’s sake.

Things To Avoid:

Fake “jump” scares, especially when they involve cats.

False endings where bad guys come back to life one last time.

Over-actors (a huge problem in horror that can ruin even the best film).

AVOID CG, Keep it organic (stick to old school prosthetics and blood packs, trust us).

Yes Jar-Jar, I said AVOID CG. Now back to hell, demon!

Try going for a minimalist soundtrack as oppose to “Scary symphonic music cues”. Those can be jarring, whereas a constant, low hum is far scarier and effective.

Boobs are fun, but if you inundate your film with them, your message will be lost. Unless your message is boobs.

And lastly, PLEASE stop feeling obligated to put a “final boss” in your movies. What I mean by that is, a giant, lumbering CG creation that looks more like it should be in a God if War game than a horror film. That may be the worst offense on the list. It is silly and NEVER works, ever.

A final confrontation in a horror film is necessary, but if your antagonist suddenly “summons” something, that usually comes through the floor or some kind of portal to another world that just happens to be ON the floor, then your film sucks. Or at least your ending sucks. Seriously.

So there it is. The recipe on how to build a perfectly proficient horror film, using all those other horror film scenes as inspiration. The end result would be a horror film with incredibly strong characters, some sort of unbelievably cunning enemy, a perfect soundtrack, perfect pacing and an unbelievable ending. Taboos would be shattered, and so would some people’s subconscious as a result of the film, I am sure. Now the REAL question. Who is going to write it and do I get a writing credit on the piece for inspiring it? Hit me up, we can talk about the fine print.