Beat Social Hibernation with These Seven Opening Title Sequences

The weather in my neighborhood sucks at the moment, but we’re in the home stretch, guys. Winter’s almost over. A good thing, too, particularly if you rely on public transportation every day (as I do). Pouring yourself in and out of NYC subway cars is already a special form of torture during rush hour, and slip-sliding between transfers is no way to travel.

To that end, it’s been tremendously tempting for my recent weekends to go something like this: make tentative social plans with friends —> check weather app on smart phone while preparing to depart residence —> observe weather to be under 25 degrees Fahrenheit —> stick hand out window to confirm ungodly temperature —> text friends vague responses that always end with ellipses (e.g., “Yeah, I dunno if I’m going to be able to make it out, man…”) —> kick back to Die Hard marathon + mid-range scotch + any booty call foolish enough to join me (there isn’t one).

I haven’t become antisocial just yet, though, and plan on keeping it that way. How? Two words: house parties. When’s the last time you initiated one of those? And do you really need an excuse to get off the internet and meet up with your fellow hibernators in real life? It looks that way, because you’re on the internet right now. Eesh.

In an attempt to incite you off your asses as Spring approaches, allow me to introduce a brand-new form of psychotherapy called Anti-Social Hibernation©. It works like this: below is a list of TV show intros that make me want to party. (I’m a sucker for cool montages set to equally cool musical scores.) Statistically, at least one of these videos should make you want to party. When this happens, stop reading the article immediately, gather up a few buddies, and slip into your favorite party pants. With your help, we can put an end to social hibernation—another symptom of the winter blues—for good. Let’s see if these openers can’t get your engine humming.

Malcolm in the Middle

httpv://youtu.be/vm_glhTAK-Y

Maybe it’s because I come from a large family, but this vid kind of makes me want to be a rambunctious, trouble-making kid again. Like family-reunion-with-minimal-adult-supervision-and-limited-access-to-wine-coolers rambunctious. Granted, I never got into nearly as much mischief as these hell-raising hooligans, but watching them torture each other for just 30 seconds brings back some pleasantly nostalgic memories—for me, anyway. (I can’t speak for my four younger brothers.)

That 70s Show

httpv://youtu.be/yZFdKW43yGM

High school was a fun time, but it was also an awkward one; who amongst us never found themselves just driving around town with friends, no particular goal or destination in mind? Just a celebration of increased social freedom and minimal responsibilities. Ah, those were the days…

Blue Mountain State

httpv://youtu.be/GBxUMNR4GpI

I recommend this show to anyone under 35 with a college degree. The opener rolls up every hyperbolic cliché about college—insane frat parties, edge-of-your-seat football games, scantily-clad banana-eating chicks EVERYWHERE—and throws Rev Theory’s infectious “Hell Yeah” behind it. Again, not identical to my undergrad experience per se, but goddamn if this video doesn’t get me itching for a kegger.

Pictured: me in 2006, milking my fraternity brother for some reason. College was fun.

Metalocalypse

httpv://youtu.be/q5x89Ppl85k

Some partiers are more hardcore than others, and if that describes you, maybe this little anthem will incite your next rager. I’ve never been one for the death metal, but if I were, Dethklok might inspire me to chug beer just so I can break the empty bottles over my roommates’ bed stands. It’s angry-sounding stuff.

The Drew Carey Show

httpv://youtu.be/vtY2RC9mTbE

If you’ve ever had a nine-to-five office job, you probably know how excruciating it can be to watch the clock after a particularly long day, and what a relief Friday is after a particularly long week. This intro embodies that entire mindset in a goofy synchronized dance package, with a little Cheap Trick thrown in for good measure. Tell me the words “happy hour” didn’t cross your mind by the end.

Flight of the Conchords

httpv://youtu.be/242kR8uSeQ4

As an aspiring social chameleon, I hang out with hipsters on occasion. Heck, sometimes I accidentally dress like them during the summer. The whole indie feel of this vid is pretty sweet, and the background jam may as well be donning a curled mustache and thrift shop suspenders. Speaking of which…

Portlandia

httpv://youtu.be/feeA-Dr0XGw

This opener has the same effect, and oddly enough, it kind of makes me want to move to Portland. I want to BBQ something weird and drink microbrews there. On a porch. With friends.

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[Note: I hope some of these entries got you in the mood to socialize, but if not, here’s a little secret: I don’t actually possess a degree in psychotherapy.]