Why Entourage Sucks

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I think you can tell a lot about a person based on what kind of entertainment they’re into.  I don’t necessarily mean television shows and movies – although those can be good indicators – as books, music, and magazines can be quite telling, too.  When it comes to television shows, I am very confident that anyone who lists “Entourage”  amongst his or her favorite shows is the type of person I’d want nothing to do with.  The first season was interesting and somewhat unique, but the series quickly – very quickly – became predictable, boring, and well, stupid.  I know that Entourage isn’t meant to have depth, but even for a light, “fun” show, it’s horrible.  Entourage returns on July 12, and there’s no way I’ll be watching.  Keep reading to see why I think Entourage sucks.

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Every single show starts off one of two ways; there are very few exceptions: either “E” gets a wake-up telephone call from Ari Gold, who’s douching it up on a golf course or something, or the four guys (E, Vince, Drama, and Turtle) hang out in the kitchen, engaging in witless, poorly-written banter while Drama cooks breakfast.  Vince will be confused about something, Turtle will make a remark about banging some hoes, and Drama will get defensive about something and reference an old acting gig.  Keep in mind that this last for about two or three minutes, which amounts to roughly 1/10th of the show.  And people like this?

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The show’s usual running time is about 22 minutes; it rarely cracks 24 minutes.  Unfortunately, nothing but repetitive, trivial bullsh*t goes down each episode, the highlight being some wasted, pointless celebrity cameo.  With the exception of Gary Busey on the beach (which even I will admit was pretty funny), the celebrity cameos are nothing more than a distraction from the show’s mundane storyline, poor writing, and terrible acting – and I’ll get to that in a minute.  Most plotlines revolve around Vince making a crappy movie, Vince considering firing Ari, or Vince pining over some chick.  Drama and Turtle are thrown in for a little comic relief.  Rinse and repeat.  It’s amazing that a show about a Hollywood actor could be so boring.  I’m a friggin’ malpractice attorney and I’m more entertained going to a discovery conference than I am watching Vinny Chase go to a Playboy party.

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Everyone raves about Piven as Ari Gold, but I don’t see what all the hype is about.  Fortunately for Piven, the rest of the actors on the show are so inept that he comes off like a real thespian.  Kevin Dillon as Johnny Drama has become as one-dimensional an actor as one could fathom.  I know it’s supposed to be funny, but he’s essentially become a caricature of himself.  Insecure ramblings about his glory days on Viking Quest, obsessing over calf muscles, and constant inquiries as to available roles for “an older brother type” are recycled show after show.

When I first starting watching the show, I thought that maybe Adrian Grenier’s performances were so vapid because Vince himself was a shallow, pretty actor.  As the show went on, though, I realized that Grenier is a terrible actor who adds no depth whatsoever to Vincent Chase.  Again, I know it’s supposed to be a “fun” show, but shouldn’t I care whether or not Vince is a success in Hollywood?  With Grenier playing him, I just can’t; there’s no semblance of character to which I can relate.  I don’t have a big problem with E, but I can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone who is about 4’11” can nab the girls that he does.

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And finally, there’s Ari Gold, the boastful, obnoxious agent who treats everyone around him like crap.  Like Drama, it’s the same thing with Ari every episode: he kissed Vince’s ass, makes some dumb jokes about Lloyd’s knees being dirty, delivers half of his lines with the palms of his hands together and placed under his bottom lip, and delivers the other half with his arms spread and a big, stupid grin on his arrogant face.  And for all this the guy won an Emmy?  Whatever.

If you do enjoy Entourage, that’s just fine and dandy.  I hope you enjoy the upcoming season.  For me, though, it’s redundant, amateur crap, and I can’t imagine a more wasteful way to spend 22 minutes of my Sunday night.

And oh yeah, not that it has any bearing on the show, but Johnny Drama looks like a hogfish:

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  • Roland

    Okay, i’m DONE with this website.

  • IcemanD

    I think you nailed it with this is supposed to be a “fun” show. I like the show (not in the top ten or anything) and think it really is supposed to be a light fun show.

    Not everything can have depth. Take Two and a Half Men for example. Heavily scripted, predictable, one demensional, but still fun to watch.

    Oh, and I’ve never understood the awards shows. They are way more about politics then they are about acting/musical talent.

  • Madison

    @ IcemanD

    I don’t mind that it’s supposed to be a fun show and lack depth. My problem is that for a fun show, it just isn’t any fun.

    If people enjoy it, that’s fine. I’m not going to try and disuade them from watching. I just personally think it sucks and don’t see the appeal.

    Different strokes, that’s all.

    Thanks for reading.

  • IcemanD

    @ Madison:
    Hey fair enough man. American Idol pulls in MILLIONS of viewers and I can’t for the life on me figure out why.

    Different strokes indeed.

  • IcemanD

    life “of” me…Monday morning grammar fail…

  • Is HBO the only station to catch the show? Any place that shows it online? Thanks guys

  • inteliramo

    Finally someone is speaking sense, entourage is utter crap, i never liked it from the start, i couldnt care less about the characters and they actually pissed me off with their attitudes. i am so sick of people raving about this utter piece of crap of a show.

  • Bah. I don’t know anyone who still “raves” about Entourage. No, it doesn’t bring anything particularly new or interesting to the table any more, but there are worse ways to spend 20 minutes in a week. The show is formulaic at this point, but not offensively “bad.”

    That being said, this most definitely should be the last season, and HBO should start developing new projects rather than holding on to old properties like this that are past their prime.

  • Sam

    What in God’s name are y’all on about? Entourage is a brilliant show. Very entertaining. And I haven’t met a person (well until today) that thought otherwise. Everyone I know who watches Entourage rates it in their top three shows. Its just lite fun, and makes you feel completely relaxed for that twenty minutes. I hope HBO keeps it on for as long as the writers wish. And by the way to the OP, what are you saying about the show starting with either Ari waking E up or the gang having breakfast together as a routine, well that’s like saying why does F.R.I.E.N.D.S. always hang out in the coffee house, or why does Charlie in Two and a Half Men always gets laid, or why they always end up in Prison in Prison Break. Somethings are a routine for people, are you telling me you do something different everyday you get up? The guys have breakfast together everyday, so that’s what they show in the series. And if you cannot see Piven’s brilliance then its your loss.

  • Kenneth Silver

    Way to mention three additional examples of mind-blisteringly formulaic television in your defense of Entourage, Sam.

  • I couldn’t agree with you more. It get very animated about this, its frustrated when I meet people that LOVE this show, (especially when I find out someone I’m dating loves the show)… I’ve only seen a few episodes (maybe like 5).. but the first or 2nd time was enough for me. I already saw how shallow and redundant this stupid show was. It’s boring to me, and I could care less about how many girls these guys hook up with. Not to mention the acting is awful, and I don’t find Adrian Grenier attractive by any stretch of the imagination. And he’s supposed to be a “hot” actor? Please. Oh! And based on it’s popularity, this only shows the downfall of our society.

  • Madison

    @ Alison

    Amen. It’s always disappointing when someone you’re dating loves something you think sucks. I know the feeling all too well.

    • Joe Balco

      Your probably a gross chick with no sense of humor

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  • bee

    I have to agree, I hate this show, I always have. My friend was over and we watched it and it sucked, we watched it another time or two and I thought the show’s characters were just a bunch of assholes.

  • Madison

    @ bee

    One of the big problems with the show, as I’m sure you know, is that there’s really nothing about Vince that makes him worth rooting for.

  • the most obvious indication as to why I would never watch the show in full is based upon the physicality of these guys. they semm like douche bags.

  • Jason

    Madison:

    I respect your opinion but will have to disagree with you.

    For me, the most important aspect of the show is the constant ups and downs that the characters experience and their ability to pull together as a unit to get through them.

    How many times have we seen Vince fail, only to be supported by his friends before it all comes back round again. “as it always does” is his sorta his motto.

    Beneath the azz chasing and vulgarity is a pretty important message that the show now seems to be focusing more on.

    I think its going to be interesting to see how the characters react to the highs and lows now that they seem to be pulling away from each other.

    Unfortuantely, i might have to agree with u on one point, I know this is the first episode but if the plot line follows through till the end of the season, I cant see how the original theme can continue for another season. But then again what do i know, i am not a writer.

    One thing i do know is that the bar exam is a beast…

    Cheers

    Jason

  • Madison

    @ Jason

    I see what you’re saying, and that’s fine – if you like it, you’re lucky. I just simply don’t find it entertaining at all.

    As far as the bar exam goes…I’m just really happy I only had to take it once.

    Thanks for reading.

  • bunker

    I would have to agree with everything you said about this show, …

    kept hearing about how good this show was (and living in canada it just started airing on cable) so finally I sit down and watch a few episodes, …
    long story short I find myself typing “entourage sucks” in the google search bar… which brings us to the present time… which is me finding this article and agreeing on every point you made… if anything you were being kinda nice about it, because this show needs to be ripped a new AS5Hole.

    I think my favorite part of your article is the begining “I think you can tell alot about a person by the kind of entertainment there into” – so true

    (dude you should be writing for a newspaper because you get it!)

    seems like alot of people here just dont get it….

    P.S theres no such thing as easy to watch comedy ICEMAND, if somthing is poorly written and terrably acted than its no good!
    and for me not believable… like with any show/movie if you cant get into it because of any of those reasons than its crap, dont give me that depth crap, what does that mean anyway?.. were talking about a show that is on HBO and made with millions of dollars there is no excuse,… the show simply put ..SUCKS!

    and btw two and a half men is an even bigger piece of garbage theres no way anyone with a sence of humor can sit through that let alone laugh at it. And thats not just my opinion, its science!

  • Madison

    @ bunker

    I’m glad you liked my review. I don’t think it’s a bad concept, and the show did have a novelty during its first season. But now it’s repetitive and frankly, pretty lazy. 22 minutes of canned banter and a couple celebrity appearances (OMG Tom Brady!!!) don’t make for interesting television.

    Entourage is the US Weekly of TV shows.

    Thanks for reading.

  • HBOoo

    Madison,

    HBO needs to bring back Sopranos because of reviews like this.

    Now we have malpractice attorneys rating tv shows -the economy must be tanking…

    Entourage is a good show, better than the other reality crap on other channels. This season is a bit weak, but when the “economy” gets better maybe they can get better writers.

    It sounds like Drama wrote this review. Really.

  • Madison

    @ HBOoo

    Saying Entourage is better than crap reality shows is like saying the Detroit Lions are better than, say, Kansas State. It’s not really a compliment.

    I don’t know what the economy has to do with the quality of Entourage, though.

  • c

    I agree, anyone who has lived around Hollywood has known these characters. Shallow DOUCHEBAGS!!!
    Californication is WAY more fun. I’d rather party with Hank Moody any day.

  • Madison

    @c

    Definitely agree; Hank Moody is the man. Is there gonna be a third season?

  • Lee

    So I just watched the first episode tonight and I have to agree with everything on this blog. It is utter crap. It is not fun – it’s not even funny. I feel nothing for the characters. They just sound like a bunch of unemployed wankers. I even tried to concentrate on the show but it was just soooo boring.
    Who likes this show? Those who play x-box or PS all day toking away, wishing they didn;t have to work but had all the girls and money they want with little effort. Pathetic.

  • Madison

    @ Lee

    Well, trust me, I wouldn’t mind the life of playing xbox and toking all day long…but I know a crap show when I see one.

    Thanks for reading.

  • w beal

    You hit the nail on the head with this article- HOWEVER- one point I didn’t agree with was that you basically gave kevin connolly aka “E” a pass- he is by far the worst f*cking actor on that disgrace of a show. in no way does he sell it, he just makes it awkward and makes me remember that his friendship with leonardo dicaprio is the reason any of us have ever seen his pasty no-talent face.

  • i respectfully disagree 100%. luckily neither of us can be right or wrong about an opinion.

    i think you are a closet fan of the show and you are so in love with it, you get mad that its “only 22 minutes”. for a guy who doesn’t like a show, you sure know a lot about it and you sure are giving it a lot of press w/ your article and pics.

    peace =)

  • Madison

    @ nick n

    Hahahaha. Yeah, you figured it out.

  • josh

    Never have I seen so many haters in my life, everyone wishes they were one of these guys. So you disguise it by flaming it and trashing it because they have the perfect life and u sit in your one bedroom apartment writing about it. Sorry, and e’s getting married to sloan? What!

  • Madison

    @ josh

    Yup. The show isn’t vapid tripe, I’m simply jealous. Of course.

  • Bunker

    @# nick n –

    hey dummy I watch alot of shitty tv because thats all thats on,…
    I watched the entire four seasons of little people big world, does that mean I like it, .. NO, It just means I watch it…

    Also another reason for watching bad tv is also what I do with movies, I watch bad movies/t.v so that when douche bags like you rave about bad movies/TV, I can have some knowledge on why the movie or show sucks, so I can dish them, rather than just watching one episode saying I think it sucks and not having a credible opinion.

  • Pepper

    seriously simpsons is better then Entourage…

  • Adrien grenier is a weak actor. The show is on hbo so it runs for 25 or more minutes. It sounds to me that you are an ill informed hater
    Although I have to agree that the acting is poor.

  • entouragelover

    Whoever says that entourage sucks are motherfucking asshole gays. . . Fuck you motherfuckers. . . You mother gets fucked with dumpster ducklings pigs. . .

    Entourage Rocks

  • Bert

    Aaaaaand Madison’s point is elegantly demonstrated by the previous post.

    If you want to live vicariously through a TV character, Hank Moody is a far better choice. And played by a far better actor.

    • Madison

      Amen. I miss me some Hank Moody. I thought the past Season devolved into slapstick, but it was still watchable. That first season is really just off the charts awesome.

  • Stephen

    Madison let me just make this succinct. You’re wrong.

    • Madison

      You’re the first Entourage supporter who used the proper form of “you’re.” So congrats on that!

  • Stephen

    Haha touche. Time to go watch some entourage with my lowbrow friends.

  • Bart J

    yo i think this is the gayest ass tihng ive ever read for real. just keep hatin on entourage cuz you WISH you had a plain and a big house like the boyz chillin’ wit hawties all day man youre a fucking IDIOT gayass polesmoker i bet yer dad fucked yer mom cause shes ugly and yer dad can only get ugly bitches IDIOT

    entourage rocks yer FACE FAG!!!

    • Madison

      If this is parody, it’s genius.

  • madison ivy lover

    I totally agree with nick n (Y) …and as for you, well you’re a cunt.

    • Madison

      I want to insult you back, but I really dig Madison Ivy.

      Still, the best the supporters of this show can do is insult me, which is to be expected.

      HOLLYWOOD LOVES A COMEBACK, BRO!!!!11

  • Mephit

    @Roland And nothing of value was lost.

  • Jobu

    Stumbled on this after typing “Entourage sucks” on google and I agree with pretty much everything you said, except that I cannot stand that little midget (“E”?). He seems so unconvincing as an actor (as does the main character, as you pointed out) and I’m not even someone who pays that much attention to (or notices) the quality of someone’s acting.

    Also, these fucking guys seem to spend half the show on their cell phones and it gives off a douchey vibe to me. I think the poor acting, the lack of charisma from Vince–who is supposed to be a big movie star–and the general douchebaggy tone given off by the characters make the show shitty for me. I’ve seen 3 episodes and just was generally rubbed the wrong way throughout.

  • Jim H

    Biggest POS on TV… Just about anything else would be better.. But then again it clearly is targeting an intelligence challenged group of dumb asses…

    That picture of them walking says it all–a bunch of douche-bags.

    They should end the season with a finally out-of-the-closet homosexual group sex scene where they all service Vince and then give each other lobotomies.. The End.. 🙂

  • Brilliant synopsis re: 90% of episodes following same formula.. I wholeheartedly agree w/ all who despise this garbage show. Does it bother anyone else that, 1, Turtle has several A list celebrities and athletes phone #s, 2, they pick up his calls, 3, they don’t hang up immediately? Like, Turtle calls Drew Brees, MVP of superbowl, and Drew responds “Hey, turtle, I’m at the beach right now, wanna see a movie later?” It’s just so farfetched

  • Tom Dwan

    tv snobs are horrible people, and very awkward socially.

  • Brennan

    You people all freak out way too much. Entourage is a show about young people in hollwood. very few young actors in hollywood have deep and meaningful lives. they like to party and to hook up with chicks. thats the life and the show does a pretty accurate job, or it did anyway, depicting the life of a rising star and his entourage. now, this review was written a few years ago and before season 7 and season 8. i didnt/dont like either of these seasons because its turning a light show into a drama in which all the characters lives are falling apart. who wants to see that? and i do agree with you that adrian grenier is a shit actor. His acting is almost comical, yet it does detract from the show. and the writing, i disagree about. yes, there are occasionally “cheap” ways of solving the characters problems (scorcesse giving vince the lead after seeing utterly horrible acting from a movie vince got rightfully fired from) and E getting engaged to sloan just because he proposed to her, etc. however, the dialogue is humorous, entertaining, clever, and yes the issues arent deep, but stop acting like a pretentious asshole that cant deal with conversation that isnt about meaningful stuff. and jeremy piven is absolutely hilarious as ari. if u dont find him funny then ur sense of humor must suck asshole. as for kevin connoly, hes not the greatest actor, but hes not nearly as bad as grenier. kevin dillon does a good job being drama. ferrara does a good job as turtle. the thing is, dramas character is just one dimensional, dillon does an excellent job with what hes given. and i think the celebrities are a nice touch to the show. matt damon was hilarious in season 6. busey was hilarous in season 1. eminem was a badass in 7, adding authentic actors and directors to the movies vince is in makes the story line more authentic and realistic. bottom line, its a great show, tons of people like it, and adrian grenier is the shitties actor.

  • JACK MELSON

    Maybe they made the show suck on purpose? Like the joke is on us?

  • Sal

    You dont see Piven’s amazing acting in this show? Then you have no idea what acting is. He’s recognized by the Emmys but you still have the balls to say that he sucks?! Ur an idiot and this website has now lost credibility.

  • Nich

    @Sal The Emmys are a joke. Everybody Loves Raymond won Emmys, while Curb Your Enthusiasm only gets nominated. It’s Always Sunny hasn’t been nominated at all, yet it’s one of the smartest shows on TV.

    @Brennan How can a show be any good when the MAIN actor (who is supposed to be an actor himself) is shit?! That makes zero sense. If he was a side character that would be understandable, but the show is about him. And Piven sucks ass, dude. Seriously. His “clever” comments are just cruel, anti-gay “jokes” at his cookie-cutter gay assistant or whatever, then making some comment about how he’ll kick someone’s ass or something. Piven’s a total douchewad. Did you know he was bald? He played a character playing George Costanza on “The Pilot” episode of Seinfeld, and had about half the hair he does now.

  • Smegtasticus

    I’m a big fan of several of HBO’s offerings, past and present, but Entourage never appealed to me. It always seemed like a show about douchebags.

  • Justin S

    This show is so boring. “Hey look, it’s Kanye!” Really?! I’m supposed to be impressed by that? And they flaunt sports cars like we’ve never seen any before. Also, having people who curse a lot and are way too stressed out is supposed to make us feel like Hollywood is for the strong… This show loses at everything.

    …Back to Game of Thrones!

    • Joe Balco

      Omg game of thrones cause your such a midevil person yourself…makes so much sense…breaking bad must be your second favorite show and the Cowboys are probably your favorite team

  • dfae345

    i can’t believe i watched the first two seasons of this garbage. I kept waiting for something to happen and for the redeeming value people talked about. But it never happened. Jeremy Piven was good, everything else was bad.

  • Roger

    Stick to being an ambulance chaser.

  • Nx

    The only bit I don’t agree with is the ‘how does E nab girls’ part. He’s reasonably good looking, to the point where the suspension of disbelief is no great challenge. If George Costanza can get girls, E shouldn’t have too much trouble.

    It is an insipid show. Can’t believe it had the type of viewer support that made people think that a feature was a viable option.