“Get off my lawn!” No that’s not my snarky caption, it’s an actual line from the movie said no less than five times.

Gran Torino marks the first Oscar-bait movie I’ve seen thus far which drastically fails to live up to expectations. The reviews have been good, my friends all recommended it to me and hell, it even cracked the IMDB Top 250 at #192.

And I thought it was just OK.

This happens every once in awhile, where I find myself disagreeing with absolutely every other person on the planet about a movie, but that usually has to do with my unnatural love for The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. In this case, I appear to be in a very small majority of those who think the film is rather unimpressive.

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I’m fairly certain I hate Fox more than any other corporation in existence. First they cancel a multitude of my (and many other people’s) favorite shows, including but not limited to Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared and Arrested Development, and now they’re pulling this bullsh*t with Watchmen, the movie I’m most looking forward to in 2009.

Fox somehow owns the legal rights to the Watchmen graphic novel, but since they’ve been sitting on them doing nothing for twenty years, Warner Bros. decided to go ahead and make the movie. Now since the only Fox “hit” movies are things like Marley and Me, they’re suing mad and trying to stop Watchmen from being released this March. Behold:

In a defiant statement issued Monday, Warners said it was prepared to go to trial or to appeal last week’s ruling by U.S. District Court Judge Gary Feess, who stated that the studio had infringed on Fox’s copyright in making the adaptation of the Alan Moore superhero graphic novel.
“We respectfully but vigorously disagree with the court’s ruling and are exploring all of our appellate options,” the studio said. “We continue to believe that Fox’s claims have no merit and that we will ultimately prevail, whether at trial or in the Court of Appeals.”

Fox, meanwhile, is looking for an injunction against the March 6, 2009, release of the movie.

Monday’s events seem to be a speed bump to a costly settlement, with the hardline postures likely a strategic move for both sides more than anything else. Fox, which finally snapped a long boxoffice losing streak with “Marley & Me,” gains most with a settlement, not a blocked release; the studio is already taking a beating in the geek blogosphere for messing with a fan-favorite property. Warners, meanwhile, could be on the hook for millions for developing and then filming a movie in which the film’s producer, Larry Gordon, didn’t pay Fox turnaround fees after allegedly reacquiring rights to the property.

I don’t care if Warner Bros. has to pay them $100 million dollars or if I have to personally drive to Fox headquarters and burn them to the ground, Watchmen will be coming out in March. If not, what will happen is that since the movie will be finished, some kind soul will leak it onto the internet and EVERYone will lose. As much as this would satisfy me mildly, I want to see it on IMAX, and I guess you know, the director, cast and crew should be rewarded for their hard work.

Alright, I’m off to join a Facebook group in protest of this.

Thanks to reader nico, I was able to post my favorite Aeon Flux animated short, “Leisure.”  The aliens in this clip are so freakishly terrifying, and the sound you hear at the end should give you a pretty good idea of what happens to Aeon.  Enjoy.

If Shaun of the Dead spoofing zombie movies was way better than most of the zombie movies themselves, could Vampire Lesbian Killers possibly pull of the same feat? Well we have to presume little known director Phil Claydon is not Edgar Wright, and no one nearly as talented as Simon Pegg or Nick Frost is involved, so the answer will most likely be no. That being said, I would totally watch this as a SciFi original film playing at 3 AM on a Saturday night.

Let’s face it, video game are awesome.  They have always been awesome, and they will always be awesome.  Honestly I’m not sure how much better they can get but I’m sure the elite designers out there will continue finding ways.

I would assume the next step in gaming is getting to the point where you are controlling real people.  I’m guessing that designers are already cloning human beings in some facility in Costa Rica or something.

But how about paying some tribute to those guys who designed some of these things?  It’s truly remarkable.  Here are 10 highly influential video game designers.

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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMq6xDHBKwQ

I’ve always maintained that Ben Affleck is a no-talent douche, but it’s tough not to like him after watching the above clip.  Getting wasted and using your celebrity status to score hot chicks is as American as baseball, and I’m willing to overlook the abortion that was Armageddon in light of Affleck’s aggression.  Best of all, the chick is LOVING the attention.  I’m almost always wasted and aggressive, but all I usually get is a summons.

For better or for worse (I say for better), pornography is becoming more and more mainstream.  The taboo of adult films still exists, but it’s no longer uncommon for pornstars to transition away from the world of orifice violation and into the safer and somewhat mundane realm of mainstream media.  As an aside, I’ve omitted pornstars that appeared in Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Orgazmo, for the simple reason that it’s tough to consider an NC-17 movie as “mainstream.”  Anyhow, here’s a look at 12 adult film stars who ditched the San Fernando Valley for some time on the big screen:

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Cinematical has taken a look at seven movies that caused some serious mayhem in 2008.  It’s definitely a pretty accurate and solid list with great descriptions.  Hopefully 2009 will bring just as much.

I believe I was called a “rapscallion.” That made me exceedingly happy.

I’ll be honest, I’m going into Fable 2 really wanting to hate it. The original Fable for the original Xbox was one of my biggest gaming disappointments ever. It had been hyped up for over a year as “the ultimate choice making game” where you could be good or evil and explore absolutely anywhere you wanted.

This ultimately proved to be false. You were constantly fenced in by objectives and literal, physical fences,and the “moral choice” system was absurd. Either you had to be a complete boy scout and never even glance at a guard the wrong way to be a “good” hero, so inevitably most would get fed up with this honor system (including myself) and go on a killing spree that would have them sporting Lucifer horns in an hour.

After Day 1 of Fable 2, it’s too early to say whether the same mistakes have been replicated, but I will say this, I am enjoying myself. However, I believe I might have been saying the same thing after the first day of the original game, before I beat it the next day and exclaimed “that’s it”?

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I’m now firmly convinced that Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li is now competing with Dragonball Evolution for the title of “Worst Movie of 2009″ baring any more “_____ Movie” iterations or Paris Hilton projects. I know this trailer is in Japanese but I’m going to head and guess that is says something like “An ancient evil lurks” and “A legend rises.” To be fair, Street Fighter does have the edge over Dragonball for a few reasons, namely incrementally better special effects, a more nostalgia inducing source material and above all, the most gorgeous woman on the planet, Kristin Kreuk.

But yes, of course the movie is going to be awful. @#$%ing look at it! The only cool part was seeing Vega for half a second, but knowing that they’re “saving” Ryu and Ken for future sequels is bullsh*t. Also, M. Bison has a goatee which makes him look like Simon Pegg. Sigh.

I personally would much rather see Street Fighter: The Legend of Cammy starring Karolina Kurkova. I mean, Cammy’s in the final eight of my Queen of the Iron Fist Tournament and Chun Li? She ate it in the first round. Although the Kristin Kreuk version would have won the whole damn thing.

Oh Dear Lord.