Sister Wives: Learning About Polygamy on Netflix

A few days ago, I missed my train at Penn Station in New York and I literally had to wait and sleep there. I was scared of sleeping out of fear of being mugged while I was asleep. Anyway, I decided to pick ANY show on Netflix to simply pass time and I found this reality show about a polygamous family in the US called Sister Wives.

I was intrigued mostly because it’s something I didn’t know a lot about except for what I’ve seen in other forms of media. Similarly, I also enjoy watching some episodes of Breaking Amish from TLC for the same reasons. While the sensationalism of reality TV will always be there, I learned a lot about these different cultures that I am generally not exposed to on a daily basis.

I started watching this show with a demonized idea of polygamy. Maybe it’s partly because of my Catholic upbringing and the fact I always see it portrayed as a cruel and misogynistic practice. After a few episodes, I started to feel mixed feelings about my initial opinions. I’m not saying polygamy is all sunshine and rainbows because it has its flaws like all the other religious beliefs

 Read on to know more about the interesting things I’ve learned about polygamy on Sister Wives and some of the criticisms I have about it….

Polygamy? Where do I even begin? Let’s start with my initial ideas about the whole thing. I saw it as a ritual that only served the husband’s ego and it was also just about the sex. Based on what I was exposed to, the women were unhappy and mistreated by the man.

While it’s true that there are some polygamous families are like that, there are also a couple that just don’t fit the usual stereotypes. It’s similar to how not all Catholics and Muslims are the extremists that are exaggerated through the media. There’s a good and bad to everything. Watching Sister Wives made me think hard and tell myself to stop judging people based on their religion or lifestyle because that doesn’t define the entirety of a person.

 The show is about the Brown family which comprises of the man Kody, his four wives, and his seventeen children. Yes, that’s a big family! I really didn’t think much into the title of the show. I thought that ‘Sister Wives’ was just some name TLC came up with. However, I realized that it had a more heartfelt meaning as I watched more episodes. One of the wives says in the opening credits: “I wanted the family too, I didn’t want just the man (something along those lines).”

 It’s not just the man who chooses the next wife because it turns out the wives help deciding too.  Kody, the husband, doesn’t just waltz in and say: “Here’s a new wife! Deal with it.” In fact, the wives play a role in picking who the next wife will be. I think that Meri, first wife, was even the one who recommended taking in a fourth wife to her husband when they felt a “connection” with a woman named Robyn.

 It was also nice to see how all the children in the family consider all the wives their mom and vice versa. The wives also consider each other as best friends and they essentially have a sisterhood, which Robyn and one of the children cite as one of the appealing reasons of having a plural family. The husband gets a new wife, the children gets a new mom, and the wife gets a new best friend.

So I got the sense that it was more about building a family than a lustful quest. I was ready to hate on the guy and find faults in him. However, I found it hard to hate him since he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. I do criticize his insane desire for an army of children, but then at least he keeps a roof over their heads.   I know that people tend to have their best feet forward on television, but I didn’t get the vibe that they were faking.

It was quite interesting how the decision making in their family was a democratic vote. There are even times when the women outvoted Kody in the family. All the wives were independent and strong-willed which is awesome. They mention how other women look down on them for having low self-esteem by being in a polygamous marriage. The show was an opportunity for them to show that this wasn’t the case. The children also have the freedom to pursue whatever religion and lifestyle they want when they grow older.

It’s funny how the show seemed to anticipate every question and criticism I had about polygamy. They talked about how they deal with the intimate aspect of the marriage and jealousy in detail. In addition, they tackled the question: “if there are sister wives, can there be a brother husband?” It’s a legitimate question and they had a pretty fair response. Kody said he doesn’t like the idea and even admits that it is hypocritical of him to think so, but that’s just not what he and his wife believes based on their faith.

 I’m not saying that I am on board with the Brown family’s polygamist philosophy, but it certainly made me see things from a different perspective. They aren’t hurting anyone and the women were consenting adults who knew that this was the type of lifestyle they wanted. Who are we to disapprove of how they want to live their lives?

There are certainly bad examples of a polygamist family wherein wives and children are oppressed or sexually abused. Conversely, there are good ones like the Browns who adopt a polygamist lifestyle out of their faithfulness to their faith and devotion to family. They have their imperfections like any other family.

While you still might feel weird about the whole idea of polygamy, I urge you to check out TLC’s series Sister Wives and see it for yourselves. It is an interesting watch for anyone curious about polygamy. I came in with a head full of judgment and disgust, and I walked away with a more open mind.