Why I’m Sick of Scarlett Johansson

You may think that this is a strange title for an article, as I might as well be saying, “Why I’m sick of free money,” or “Why I’m sick of blowjobs.” How could anyone possibly have had it with Scarlett Johansson? Well, let me tell you. There is no denying that Scarlett Johansson is probably one of the most physically attractive people on the planet. On the cover of every magazine and movie poster, her face, and more importantly her boobs, beckon like a siren song to any and every passerby.

But my problem with Johansson is her status as an A-list actress. There are plenty of physically perfect women running around out there, but you don’t see Adriana Lima starring in Woody Allen movies now do you?

This was all inspired by my recent viewing of Match Point, which made me throw up my hands in anguish that I saw Johansson playing the exact same character she’s played in all over her other movies. People always talk about “diversity” in roles as the sign of a good actor or actress. I mean, Sean Penn can play anything from a hard-nosed killer to a gay rights icon. Amy Adams can swing from a Disney princess to a nun. But Scarlett?

I’m going to go through most of her most memorable roles, stop me when you see a pattern.

  • In Lost in Translation, she plays a naive, young blonde with relationship problems, and constantly flirts with a married man.
  • In Match Point, she plays a naïve, young blonde American who seduces a married man with her bodacious body.
  • In The Island, she plays a naïve, young blonde clone who seduces a (surprisingly not) married man with her naiveté about human sexuality.
  • In The Prestige, she plays naïve, young, blonde magician’s assistant who seduces a married man with her horrendous English accent.
  • In Vicky Christy Barcelona, she plays a naïve, young blonde student who seduces a (might as well be) married man with her pretend interest in art.
  • In He’s Just Not That Into You, she plays a naïve, young blonde who seduces a married man by skinny dipping in a gym pool.

I haven’t seen The Spirit, The Other Boleyn Girl or The Black Dhalia, but I’m willing to bet the words “naïve,” “blonde,” “seduce” and “married” would come up in the plot description. If this was just a few movies, I’d be willing to let it go, but my recent viewing of Match Point was the last straw. After I saw He’s Just Not That Into You, I remarked her naïve student character who wanted to “travel abroad” could have walked right off the ending to star in Vicky Christy Barcelona. And now, I saw that if you age her a few years, she could step right into Match Point.

It’s like these movies are just the incredibly eventful, and sometimes time-traveling adventures of an alternate universe version of Scarlett Johansson herself. You can say “Oh well, she’s typecast, it’s not her fault,” but that’s just not true. A few of these types of roles, sure, but five, six, seven? Does she not read these scripts beforehand? But my problem with all of this, is that she’s still considered some big A-list actor in spite of her range, which if I described it as “limited,” would be an insult to the mathematical concept.

 I think I’ve just invented a new type of nerd porn.

For example, Jessica Alba is in the same category of extreme hotness, but no one is actually going to come out and say she’s a good actress, which is why all of her roles are in things like The Fantastic Four and horrible movies with other horrible actors like Hayden Christensen. But Scarlett? No, she’s a serious actress. I mean, she’s been in Woody Allen movies. It’s become clear to me that her good fortune in being cast by prominent directors (Coppola, Allen, Nolan) combined with her unworldly beauty has somehow forged the idea that she is a good actress.

There are few actors, male and female, that combine insane good looks with incredible talent as an actor. Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep – not lookers, but damn fine actors. Channing Tatum/Jessica Biel – a Greek god and goddess respectively, but they can’t act their way out of an empty room. Every so often you get a Brad or Angelina, but it’s a rare category of fame that just anyone shouldn’t be allowed access to. And Scarlett has just charmed us all and waltzed right in.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Scarlett as an aesthetic object, but after years upon years of undeserved hype and praise, I’m just about done with her. The only glimmer of redemption I’ve seen for her is Iron Man 2, approaching on the horizon. From what I know of the character she’s playing, Black Widow is neither blonde, naïve, and any seducing she does will probably not be of married men. Honestly, in her entire acting career, this will probably be the most outside the box role she’s ever had.

Get outside your comfort zone Scarlett, it may work wonders for you.

PS. All the big stars are doing nudity these days. I’m just saying…

You’re almost there!

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  1. I’ve been totally thinking the same thing. Sure she’s hot, but does that make Scarlett Johansson A-List. In all the movies I watched of her I’ve never of thought her as a great actress. It’s almost as thought I get excited about seeing her in a movie, but I just wish she kept her mouth shut.

  2. Just confirming: in The Other Boleyn Girl, Johansson’s role is a naïve, blonde, engaged beautiful woman who is seduced by a married man.

  3. are you suggesting that someone giving a dependable portrayal of a particular type of characteris something new? Not everyone can be like Jim Carey and play a hilariously different character in every movie they get into 😉

    I’m just happy that I’m able to peg a movie for what it is before I go see it. I’m sure that Scarlett will do a fine job at playing the typecasted character that she’ll no doubt be playing, and I won’t worry about wasting my money, because 90% of the reason I would personally see a Johansson movie isn’t because of her acting.

  4. There are actors who play the same role in every movie, but in a GOOD way…Bill Murray comes to mind. I liked Scarlett Johansson in “Ghost World,” but that was mostly because she mainly served as the backdrop for Thora Birch (who was nicer looking, a better actor, and had larger breasts in that film). And eight years ago, no one really knew who ScarJo was, so it wasn’t distracting having her in that movie. But, you’re right. Since then, she is just sort of this cute boring girl who isn’t really that great of an actor.

  5. Ive seen Scarlet in American Raphsody and she played it so well. She wasnt a naive blonde who seduces, her role was amazing, watch the movie its a great movie. she was left behind by her parents in eastern europe when they immigrated to USA cuz she was only an infant so she couldnt cross the border with them, her older sister went and chracter of scarlet stayed in europe with a family. then her parents sent for her when she was about 6. her sister was a bitch to her,made fun of her cuz she couldnt speak english and she barely knew her own parents and had to leave a family she knew as her own. its a beautiful movie. watch it!! I love scarlet!!! it think she is just getting started and plenty of great role ahead:-)

  6. I think you’ve [sadly] hit the nail on the head here..

    Most movies these days are so lacking in good story telling, interesting character development or acting versatility. These things have become secondary. Movies are about getting butts on seats by getting the prettiest [but not necessarily the most talented] up onto the screen, so that you will part with your money at the door to go look at them. Scarlet, keanu, cameron.. most actors/actresses these days have NO range whatsoever. But gee, they look nice.

    Such is our movie industry. Run by accountants and demographics analysts.

  7. Has this person seen American Rhapsody??? Nanny’s diary??? Ghost world??? Horse whisper?????
    Please see those than talk!!!!!!! I agree with Julia, Scarlett is just getting started!!!!! As she gets older she’ll be offered different roles. She has matured so much since she started. Just watch some of her interviews now and in the past.
    And even some of her roles might be repeating, don’t you think she did amazing job in them?? Lost in translation???? Girl with a pearl earing???? Have more open mind. It just might be that you only go for those kind of movies. Maybe you are in boring marriage waiting to be seduced by somebody like Scarlett. You might not even know it.

    1. Did you really just say Horse Whisperer, moron? You realize she was a naive child in that movie, right? Nanny’s Diary? Uh, what? American Rhapsody, are you serious? She was naive in all those movies, moron.

  8. You forgot “Girl with a Pearl Earring.” And yes. She’s a young , naive, blonde who seduces a married man. And another thing about all her roles, even if it doesn’t have anything to do with married men. She’s so DEMURE! So meek! I guess it took us a while to catch on that she can’t act because it’s not that hard to look confused. She always has this “Who? Me?” look on her face. Even a beautiful face like that of Scarlett’s can start to resemble that of a cow that just got tipped.

    But let’s face it. She’s hot, but accessible looking. That’s her appeal. And really, when it comes down to it, she’s prettier and richer than us so she’s got the last laugh. Ugh.

    1. Yes, that’s it exactly, even in her “vulnerable” roles, she just has a confused look on her face instead of the usual sultry but accessible girl look, that is the extent of her range. And I’m glad someone else has noticed she’s cow-faced. Her appeal is almost entirely based on her youth, it’s not going to last. She’s 31 now, I give her 4 to 5 years tops before she gets too old for the only roles she knows how to play, and then she’ll be a has-been.

  9. I agree completely with you Paul. She really is just on the screen for eye candy. We need actors with more substance and less T&A.

    She is also the wrong woman to play the Black Widow. They should have gotten someone else.

  10. She’s not a bad actress-she’s fine- but she is very lucky to have gotten to where she is. The reason she enjoys the success she is currently enjoying is- SHE IS PRETTY AND SHE HAS LARGE BREASTS. She is pretty enough where had she not had big cans- she still enjoy some success. She claims to be a serious actress. Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Charlize Theron- all- have done multiple nudies. If Scarlett wants to join that group- she needs to clearly show her boobs in a movie. In fact- I checked the Academy Awards winners for the last 15 years- for Best and Best Supporting Actress- over 70 percent have done a significantly revealing frontal nude scene. Not Scarlett. I am boycotting her movies until we get some serious non-body-double boobage.

  11. Wow. I never knew men were so shallow.. I think I’ll become a lesbian if you guys are having to rub to the bathroom 10 times in one hour because you’ve seen sine clevage.

    That aside. You’re 100% correct. She always plays the same role. Probably because it’s easy and she knows she can do it.

  12. I actually l liked her role in The Spirit, but my viewing of that movie may have been a little skewed because of quality females in that movie…don’t forget Eva Mendes…

  13. To be honest I think she’s an average looking celebrity I mean next to every actress I’ve seen her she’s looked normal, with the amount of money and airbrushing celebs get she would look much better if she was that beautiful, even Jonathan Rhys meyers said she’s not as gorgeous as people make out and I can’t imagine her being that beautiful in real life. Let’s talk about real talented beauties like Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox ladies who do deserve the title of beautiful and talented.

  14. That limit actually diverges meaning Scarlett is limitless, probably not the point you were trying to make but it is the point you should have been making.

    Scarlett Johansson OWNS! Who cares if she only does one role when she acts that role perfectly, brilliantly, and stunningly each and every time?

    In Iron Man 2 she was very good, and that is a completely different role so this article is now null and void thankfully!

  15. Here’s a little truth to bring some humility to Johansson. Her eyes squint to the outside like she’s got something in them and her mouth doesn’t fit her face. In fact, it looks like someone slapped it on her head like a Mr. Potato Head mouth. In fact, I think that if you went to a tiny Midwestern town with just a few young ladies, in terms of beauty Johansson would be the middle of the pack at best. The things Johansson has going for her is that she’s got a lot of money to spend on expensive Hollywood beauty parlors, clothes and personal trainers. Oh, and yes, she also identifies with Hollywood’s most favored religion, Judaism, and therefore is favored by most of Hollywood’s directors and studio heads. It’s sad, but true. In the land of “Democrat values,” there seems to be equal opportunity for all… just inferior and rather plain actors and actresses… as long as they’re the right religion.

  16. She’s not even that attractive. She’s cow-faced. I remember thinking that the first time I saw her in anything, in Ghost World, before she became famous. The only reason so many guys think she’s so hot is her boobs and a certain Lolita-esque je ne sais quoi, which is why she keeps getting cast as a naive young blonde who seduces usually older attached men. Her appeal is largely dependent on her youth, she doesn’t have a deeper beauty that will stay with her as she ages like a Catherine Deneuve, or Angela Bassett, or Julianne Moore, and her acting chops aren’t there to make up for it. Johansson is over 30 now, I give her 4 to 5 years tops before roles start drying up, and she’ll be forgotten.

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