The Ten Biggest Alpha Males in TV History

I’m what people call a beta male. That does not mean I have non-existent genitals, and spend all my time crying. Rather, it just means I’m far too relaxed and non-confrontational to ever be a typical alpha male.

They’re cocky, brash, intense and domineering. Sometime they use their dominance for good, others for evil. I tried to go through and find who the biggest alpha males have been throughout TV history. I’m sure you’ll say I missed a few, but check out my list below for yourself.

10. Don Draper

Only at number ten? You  might imagine that the star of Mad Men would be higher up on the list. Last week he made a bunch of women swoon by fixing a leaky sink in his undershirt, but when you see who else is on this list, you’ll probably understand why he’s not higher. He’s charismatic and a born leader, but more often than not he uses his power to sell crap people don’t want and talk women out of their underwear while married.


9. Coach Taylor

I have the Friday Night Lights coach here as sort of a polar opposite from Draper. He’s also charismatic and a leader, but he uses his abilities for good instead. He orders around highschoolers, and finds what’s inside them to make them champions. Fortunately for his wife, he doesn’t use his charm to stray, and is perhaps the best husband in TV history.


8. Jack Donaghy

What list could be complete without Jack Donaghy? The doctor at the hospital reported him as coming out of the womb with perfectly combed hair, wearing a suit. On 30 Rock he balances out Liz Lemon’s insanity, and almost always knows what to do in any given situation. Only his rare moments of weakness keep him from inching higher up this list.


7. Raylan Givens

If I was most like any alpha on this list, it might be Raylan. He’s a lot more relaxed than most figures here (that’s what we have in common), but he’s always one to come out on top in a fight (when I get into a fight, I’ll let you know). Perhaps it’s just that he’s Southern, but even at a slower pace he dominates every situation he gets himself into.


6. Ari Gold

Again, another polar opposite. For as chill as Raylan may be, that’s how intense Ari is. Though I try to scrub the last few seasons of Entourage from my mind, as it was some of the most wretched TV I’ve ever seen, Ari remained a fantastic character right until the last episode where everything went completely to hell. He’s loud, abusive, but always, always gets what he wants in the end.


5. Mal Reynolds

Though I may have his pistol now, I doubt I’ll ever have that indescribable quality that makes Mal Reynolds such a great leader. He’s hot-headed, sure, but commands the respect of his crew. All of this comes with a pretty strict moral conscience as well. Well, a fairly strict one. Well, a variable one at least.


4. Al Swearengen

He smokes, drinks, fights and owns a whorehouse, how much more of a manly man can you possibly be? Swearengen was such a great character, he carried almost all of Deadwood entirely on his back. And of course, he has something all of these other entrants lack so far, a mustache, a must-have for any man’s man.


3. James T. Kirk

The sheer amount of badassery that is James T. Kirk cannot be measured by any list like this. He fights aliens, beds aliens and is home in time for dinner. Through dozens of Star Trek episodes and a few movies, he proved himself to be a great leader and a strong force for good. And a strong force for green alien chicks.


2. Jack Bauer

So who could possibly top Kirk? Why, the one and only world-savior himself, Jack Bauer. He’s saved cities from destruction, the earth from nuclear war, it’s hard to measure just how much he’s done with his fists and a gun. He’s not one for talking (“DAMNIT CHLOE!” being over half of his lines) but he’ll always get the job done by killing the bad guys in the most horrific ways imaginable.


1. Ron Swanson

And who, on earth could ever unseat Jack Bauer for the number one spot? The mustachioed legend, the devourer of bacon, the wizard of woodworking,  miracle of manliness that is Ron Swanson. Don’t believe me? Just watch:


Maybe I’ll write a beta male list now…



  1. Juliette April 20, 2012
  2. Cheryl April 20, 2012
  3. the_dude_abides April 20, 2012
  4. JZ89 April 20, 2012
  5. JB April 20, 2012
  6. JuanSolo April 20, 2012
  7. MarkShek April 20, 2012
  8. the_dude_abides April 20, 2012
  9. Suppes April 20, 2012
  10. Sara C. April 20, 2012
  11. Keitaro April 20, 2012
  12. Faiaz April 20, 2012
  13. Ugo Strange April 20, 2012
  14. Bert April 20, 2012
  15. Sean April 20, 2012
  16. I_Sell_Books April 20, 2012
  17. Charlie Ward April 20, 2012
  18. 420bobo April 21, 2012
  19. Pharmakeus Ubik April 21, 2012
  20. Korky April 23, 2012
  21. Jibber April 23, 2012
  22. RichMahogany April 23, 2012
  23. Gerg April 23, 2012
  24. Phil April 23, 2012
  25. Dave April 23, 2012
  26. Todd April 23, 2012
  27. Matt April 23, 2012
  28. Robert J April 23, 2012
  29. Shelly April 23, 2012
  30. godzilla's_foil April 23, 2012
  31. Mel April 23, 2012
  32. Jake E April 23, 2012
  33. dlauthor April 23, 2012
  34. Mike April 24, 2012
  35. Richard Cheese April 24, 2012
  36. Ashley April 24, 2012
  37. Carlito April 24, 2012
  38. Cargosquid April 24, 2012
  39. Anthony April 24, 2012
  40. Stretch April 24, 2012
  41. Jed April 25, 2012
  42. Anon April 25, 2012
  43. Charlie April 29, 2012
  44. Pingback: TV’s 10 Most Alpha Males May 1, 2012
  45. RicCeSo May 5, 2012
  46. James May 10, 2012
  47. Tom May 16, 2012
  48. Morgan May 17, 2012
  49. Green123 May 23, 2012
  50. Bryan June 18, 2012
  51. Dennis October 2, 2012
  52. Raven June 7, 2013

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