Wait, They’re Making a Hot Wheels Movie, Seriously?

 hot wheels

Well, yes if you believe this quote, where Mattel VP of Marketing justifies the reasons for making the upcoming film:

“There’s a huge scope of what you can do. It’s a billion-dollar brand for us. We want to continue making it relevant for kids. We won’t have the cars talk. That would be off brand position for us. It won’t be another ‘Knight Rider,’ I promise that. We always start out not wanting to make a long toy commercial. We want to make a credible story that will make people go to the theater.”

Look, I know we’re running out of superheroes, but really, you’re turning to toys? And you know, maybe toys that ended up with their own TV shows (read: Transformers, G.I. Joe) might have some semblance of plot and legend to work with, but Hot Wheels? How? If it’s not Cars and it’s not Knight Rider and it’s hopefully not Speed Racer, then what the hell is it?

This is kind of like making a movie about a slinky. Yes, I played with it as a child, but that doesn’t mean it deserves its own feature film. As I recall, the extent of my own Hot Wheels experience was racing them around that orange track until it broke, then attempting to flush them down the toilet in anger. Mattel, I will hire myself out as a script consultant if you need me.

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