Six Movie Love Scenes That Scarred Me For Life

Any normal adult understands that sex does not always go as smoothly in real life as it is often portrayed on screen. There are various factors that can make sex less than amazing,and these factors can show up  at any time. From being caught in the act by an outside party, to one of the peoples bodies making an odd and unexpected sound, it can really be a gamble, and you are never quite sure how it will go.

And though sex is usually portrayed as hot and steamy on film, there are some directors and writers who have no fear in showing the less appealing sides to sex, even if we don’t want to see it. The following scenes are six examples of sex that could potentially ruin the act itself for the viewer.

Howard the Duck

Though I touched on this in one of my first ever pieces for this site, it would be a sin not to place it on this list. The implied sex between Beverly and Howard in this film is just too weird and too strange to be acceptable. I know Howard is portrayed as a sort of badass who is very much human-esque, but at no point is he or was he ever a human, so it really is just sex with a duck.

Sex with a duck in a kids film.

Sex with a duck in kid’s film that has demon possession.

Wow, Howard the Duck was a pretty screwed up flick, huh?

httpv://youtu.be/ZIOCaOpBGpE

And I still think this and Back to the Future cast Lea Thompson in a very odd light in my eyes, sexually speaking, that still lingers.

While Howard really was an entirely strange film, filled from beginning to end with inappropriate weirdness, it was that single moment, when a half naked punk rocker gets into bed with an anthropomorphic duck, that I realized everything I had ever been taught about sex was a lie.

Super

I like Ellen Page and I like Rainn Wilson. I also like makeshift super heroes and gritty, realistic violence. So ofcourse, I thought I would love this film. But for a film that aims to make the audience shocked and uncomfortable at times, (spoiler alert) it REALLY succeeds in the sex scene between the two. Well, not so much sex scene as much as Ellen Page raping Rainn Wilson.

Wait a second. Rainn Wilson is here, and James Spader is a little further up the list. Now that I think about it, why are so many cast members from The Office on this list? Am I the only one who finds that odd?

Learn from my mistake and do not let this pic fool you into thinking you will dig this sex scene.

And while the overall tone of the movie was very dark (I call Super the indie, adult version of Kickass), this scene really stood out. I remember my girlfriend and I just sitting there, in silence, sort of amazed that we were watching Juno reverse rape Dwight.

Wow, when I put it like that I almost want to watch it again.

Teeth

In a movie about a girl whose vah jay jay grows teeth, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there is a scarring “love scene”. Well, there are multiple actually. I wouldn’t even call them love scenes so much as “this girl lives in the rapiest town in the world, and if I had lady privates and lived there, I would grow teeth down there, too!”  kind of way.

That is a job hazard when you are a pervert.

And the thing about these scenes is that they just get worse and worse. The scene from that photo above happens, and you are sort of grossed out, but you can respect the B-movie charm  of it all (did I just use the word charm to describe a vag with teeth biting off some fingers?), but it just gets worse and worse, until finally the scene in the cave happens and, well, scarred for life. Us and the creepy boy who basically gets what he deserves.

I just sounded like an emo girl.

Anyway, just because he deserved it, doesn’t mean I need to see it. I guess that is what I get for watching this movie and knowing full well what it was about.

Trick people you know into thinking this movie is about an insecure girl who needs braces and you can get them about 20 minutes into the movie, which is just about to the first shocking moment, and just to see their reaction is well worth the watching of this film.

Almost.


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