Why Celebrities Will Never be as Iconic as They Used to be

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…because their mugshots will never look good as posters in your dorm room. Take a gander at Frank Sinatra, arrested back in ’39 for “seduction” (can that be real?) What a badass, which is why I have this image hanging on my wall. But what about our rouge-ish celebrities? Do they have the same effect when poster-fied? Well, take a look.

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Name: LaBeouf, Shia

DOB: 6-11-86

Wanted for: DUI, Reckless endangerment, excess use of the word “no.”

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Name: Lohan, Lindsay

DOB: 7-2-86

Wanted for: Possesion of cocaine, public indecency, neglect of a perfectly valid career.

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Name: Downey Jr., Robert

DOB: 4-4-65

Wanted for: DUI, unlicensed firearm, possession of cocaine, crack, Mexican Black Tar heroin and probably a goat.

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Name: I., T.

DOB: 9-25-1980

Wanted for: Possesion of semi-automatic weapons,  automatic weapons, grenades, rocket launcers, land mines, gatling guns, surface-to-air missiles.

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Name: McConaughey, Matthew

DOB: 11-4-69

Wanted for: Refusal to put a shirt on after officer told him repeatedly to do so. Also, impersonating the Joker.

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Name: Rourke, Mickey

DOB: 9-16-52

Wanted for: DUI, on a Vespa, yes, that’s possible. Also wanted for some fashion related crimes.

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Name: Gibson, Mel

DOB: 1-3-56

Wanted for: DUI, drunk and disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, being a racist asshole.

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Name: Dogg, Snoop

DOB: 9-20-71

Wanted for: Possession, use and distribution of most of California’s marijuana.

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Name: Hilton, Paris

DOB: 2-17-81

Wanted for: DUI, public indecency, the malicious spreading of STDs throughout the great Los Angeles area.

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Name: Bauer, Jack

DOB: The dawn of time

Wanted for: Torture, prisoner rights violations, war crimes, treason.

Alright, I take everything back, I would totally buy this as a poster.


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