Back in the era before blood-spilling ratings wars, before multi-million dollar contracts and before rampant internet piracy, television used to be a lot more fun. One thing they did that you rarely ever see today is crossovers, where the world’s of two shows would collide just to see what would happen. Of course this would never happen today, and if it did it would have to be within the same network, but I wonder, what if the networks decided to let their hair down and allow it, just to see what would happen?
Michael Scofield comes to Lost
The set-up: After finally destroying The Company with the public release of Scylla, Michael and Sarah wed and go on a honeymoon cruise in the South Pacific. There’s a violent storm and the ship ends up wrecked on a tropical island. As Michael wakes up all the other passengers are dead (naturally) except Sarah, but shortly after walking around the beach for a few minutes, a loud mechanical bellow erupts from the jungle, and Sarah is dragged by her ankles into a jungle by a giant pillar of smoke.
Why this would be awesome: If anyone can figure out an effective way to get off the island it’s Michael Scofield, he’s this generation’s MacGyver like it or not. But before crafting a 757 out of a wrecked cruise ship and bamboo, he’d have to break into the core of the island to retrieve Sarah from captivity, with of course, the aid of a welcoming John Locke and a reluctant Sawyer.
Meanwhile Jack runs into Lincoln Burrows on the mainland and gets punched in the face.
Dexter Morgan comes to Grey’s Anatomy
The set-up: Miami becomes too hot for Dexter after he was forced to kill Miguel, someone far too close to him, so he decides to pack up and move to the anti-Miami, Seattle, with his new wife Rita and his kids. Kids love snowboarding. He takes a job as a mortician at Seattle Grace hospital.
Why this would be awesome: Soon Dexter would realize that everyone he works with are terrible, terrible people, due to excessive sluttiness, narcissism, and moaning. He expands his code to include these traits, and one by one picks off members of the hospital until the entire annoying cast is buried in the Rocky Mountains somewhere.
Michael Scott comes to 30 Rock
The set-up: The Scranton branch gets the highest sales in the company for March, so corporate rewards Michael with two passes to a taping of TGS with Tracy Jordan in New York. No one wants to go with Michael, so he scalps the other ticket and buys some new jeans.
Why this would be awesome: Michael arrives on set early, and spends the entire day taking various NBC studio tours (led by Kenneth) while trying to be extra hilarious as to impress some of the surrounding castmates and writers with his improv skills. Jack Donaghy sees this and thinks he’s a burgeoning talent, he pulls him out of the tour and demands Liz Lemon writes him into tonight’s episode. During the rehearsals, Michael can’t get through his lines because he’s crying so hard that his dream has finally been realized. They cut the skit.
Clark Kent comes to Heroes
The set-up: Clark’s flight power kicks in (at long @#$%ing last) and he heads across the Midwest to New York, where he discovers the city is already overrun with superheroes, who have nothing to do with meteor rocks and have never even heard of the Phantom Zone.
Why this would be awesome: What better person to teach these idiot wannabe heroes a thing or two than the greatest superhuman of all time? Clark would spar with Peter for superhero supremacy, which would end with Peter’s head getting (accidentally) ripped off, when he discovers that super-healing does not equal indestructibility. Clark would then turn his attention to Nathan Petrelli’s Pinehearst, and his organization of super-soldiers.
Jack Bauer comes to True Blood
The set-up: Jack Bauer receives an urgent message from the president about a situation in Baton Rouge where domestic terrorists have taken over the city. The national guard has already been brought in, but they’re all dead, so now they need the country’s most powerful weapon to take over, which is obviously Jack Bauer.
Why this would be awesome: Jack bursts into the city guns blazing, and soon meets up with Bill Compton, the only sane vampire left in the city. Together they sweep the streets while receiving location updates from Sookie via earpieces. Soon they discover the vampire’s ultimate plan, they’re going to blow up the nation’s silver reserves with A NUCLEAR BOMB. The clock starts ticking.
I honestly can see the 30 Rock/Office mash-up happening if the NBC starts getting desperate for ratings . I’m sorry, more desperate.