The Unreal Life: “A Black Ops History Lesson”

(click to enlarge)

I’m back with another webcomic, which if I’m lucky will be a bi-monthly event from now on. But does that mean twice a month, or once every two months? I’ve never known.

This week’s focus is on a game I probably play more than any other right now, Call of Duty: Black Ops. I get the need for customization and perks and such, but I think it can get a bit carried away with itself, especially given the time period when the game is supposed to be taking place. Maybe it’s all more historically accurate than I realize, but with enough character tweaks, you can find yourself looking pretty damn ridiculous in the name of customization.

Check out my thoughts above, and click to blow the picture way up so you can critique my hurried art style.


  • Ted

    This is pretty awesome Paul. I love that you used the FAMAS as your gun model.

    I’m trying, but am thus far unable, to think of something to add to account for the d*cks that use the Second Chance perk.

  • Josh

    @Ted: Second chance users aren’t dicks; they’re idiots. All they do is sit on the ground and wait for someone to kill them. Very rarely do they get a kill and even more rare is it that someone revives them (though that may not be second chance now that I think about it).

    Though I was playing a Search and Destroy match on Sunday and after I died and was waiting to respawn, I was watching a teammate play. He was downed and then proceeded to get enough kills to summon a Attack Chopper. The idiots on the other team just kept running into the room where he was. It was actually pretty awesome until someone hit him with a Valkyrie Rocket.

  • Guy Incognito

    Bi-monthly means every two months. Twice a month would be semi-monthly.

  • FullestJ

    Actually, bimonthly can mean either twice a month or once every two months. The same can be said of biweekly and biyearly.

  • Mikey

    @Josh, yeah Second Chance is the one where you can get revived. If I have someone on my team who is downed and asking for a revive, I walk up to them, look at them, then walk away. I fucking despise people who use that perk, whether they are on my team or not.

    Paul, great picture, but the emblem is wrong. You forgot to add the dick and balls. That’s all these guys who play the game think about. Dick and balls, and sometimes spooge. You’d think everyone playing BlOps is gay

  • Rob J

    Like the BiMonSciFiCon… theres a simpsons joke for ya from 1994

    Anyways…Nice comic 🙂

  • thegreatfatsby

    Second Chance is clearly the most ridiculous perk in the whole game. I’ve played games where five of the six enemies in TDM are using Second Chance.

    Everyone says it’s easy to get rid of them with flashbangs blah blah. But when you encounter one of these guys and mow him down with a quick burst and attempt to move on, you don’t know he has the perk on right away.

    I’ve got caught before by dropping someone, then turning to head off to the rest of the action only to be shot in the back by them.

    And, using the FAMAS in the picture is just the same as using the AKSU-74 and the AUG or AK-47. They’re the best guns in the game so clearly people are going to use them, same way they normally ran with the UMP, ACR or SCAR in MW2.

    But seriously, I hope whoever is in charge of developing the next COD game takes Second Chance out permanently. It is by far the most annoying perk in the entire game.

  • Ricky

    Ted and Mikey, you guys sound like the typical online assholes who would call somebody a fag just because they don’t play in the same manner as you/or kill you with something you wouldn’t yourself use, get over yourselves. So someone had last stand on and you didn’t get the kill right off the bat, so what, shoot them once more and they’re done, then just move on. And why wouldn’t you revive your own team mates? So you’re blind hate makes you want to give the other team an extra kill because you’re angry at one of the games aspects? Seems pretty dumb to me.

  • Volderderp

    so when does mw3 come out?

  • Mikey

    Ricky

    That’s exactly right. Except that I don’t care in the way I’m killed, I got bested, I get over it. Second Chance is just one of those things that breaks the game for me. It’s made even worse because the hit detection is fucking terrible in this game

  • Ive seen some related post like this. But still works for me.

  • Jake

    Funny how ridiculous you can customize your gear, but I keep it simple. I do hate how everyone hates second chance, it’s really not that hard. I rarely get killed by someone using it, and it’s nice to have the ability of a friend to revive you. Sounds like you guys are just a bunch of cry babies, go sell the game if you dislike it so much. I bet you hate the AWP in cs too, go get a wahburger and some french cries.

  • Kristoph

    lol @ Jake..

    Apparently if we dislike anything in a game we are automatically cry babies that eat wahburgers and french cries.

    So games are perfect and fair in every single way, we just have to get use to it right?

  • looks like a goth to me, just one with gunz!

  • Ted

    @Ricky

    I’m neither calling people fags nor asking anyone to play the same way I do in Blops. I just think that 2nd Chance is a poor addition to the game because it rewards people for dying–like the death streaks did in MW2. If you get beat, whether it’s a straight up gun fight or someone sneaks up on you, you should go down for good.

  • Jokes

    @FullestJ:

    You are so wrong. Bi-weekly ONLY means occurring every other week. Bi- Monthly ONLY means occurring every other month. Bi-sexual means attracted to every other gender.

    Although, to my knowledge, there is no such thing as semi-sexual. At least, none that I’VE every met! Eh? Eh? LOL.

  • Crazy Vaclav

    jake is right quit cryin cuz your mad someone (probably a lot lower level then yourself, or, like you nerds say, a “noob”) killed you in second chance, you must be a “noob” yourself, cuz the minute they hit the ground, that “God mode period” is done, fuckin shoot em, it aint hard they NEVER kill me, or hey, why not treat EVERYONE as if they were using it, u kill someone, make sure theyre actually fucking dead before movin on, ah? I use it sometimes, the only players who aint dumb and do what i just said are usually same or higher lv as me (lv. 47) theres ways around these “CHeap NOOB TACTIXX!!1!” , its called strategy bud