Unreal Dexter Review: “The Dark…Something”

Despite a pretty strong season initially, as time has gone on, Dexter has now almost completely lost me this year. The show seems to have hit a reset button with only three episodes to go, wrapping up the season’s main plotline, Isaak, rather nonchalantly last week.

Now, what are we left with? This absolutely horrid episode that might have been my least favorite in the history of the show. And considering last season, that’s saying something.

Where to even begin? How about with Hannah’s father, the deus ex machina used to drive the plot forward, because lord knows it wasn’t going anywhere otherwise. He shows up after a brief mention last week, acts like he’s Danny Tanner, then shifts into full-on crazy mode as soon as his plan is revealed to scam money from his daughter.

This week exemplified the reasons I hate Hannah. She just doesn’t seem like a believable character in this universe. The stuff with her and the spree is weird enough, but then she kills people after, sometimes for good or questionable reasons, and after all this she’s naive enough to believe her bastard father has changed his ways an needs $20K to start a crawfish business? Are you f***ing kidding me?

She’s been wearing a black bra in every scene all season! SYMBOLISM!

The entire sequence with the father was SO poorly written and unbelievable I was practically screaming at my TV for the duration. Eventually, the father angle got a bit more relevant when we learned that he was the one supplying info about Hannah for the book, and knows of a witness to her crimes that he turned Deb onto before his death. You know you’ve introduced an important, well-rounded character when you introduce him and kill him in the same fifty minutes.

But this whole plotline now is inane. Deb is still pursuing Hannah, trying to prove she’s a murderer, but to what end? If she does manage to make something stick on her, what’s the first thing she’d be likely to say. “If you give me immunity, I can hand you the real Bay Harbor Butcher on a silver platter.” Deb is screwing over Dex here, even if she is too stupid to realize it.

Meanwhile, La Guerta continues her exceptionally boring quest to prove Dexter is the real Butcher. Does anyone remember season two? Do you remember how nail-biting and exciting it was when Dexter was on the verge of getting caught practically every other episode? This is the complete opposite of that. La Guerta is uncovering Dex’s secrets by simply doing police work that should have been done years ago, and hearing stories that should be public knowledge at this point. “Oh by the way did I mention that Dexter watched his mother get slaughtered with a chainsaw as a kid and his brother is the Ice Truck Killer?” Even if this is leading toward something exciting, the path to get there is boring and idiotic.

The dynamic duo in action.

Meanwhile, Quinn and Batista continue their eternal competition to see who can be more useless. We needed a way to clean up the rest of the Isaak plotline, and shooting Dickbag McClubowner was the most efficient way to do it I guess.  Will this come back and be relevant into the grand plotline somehow? No, of course not, and it will fade into useless subplot history like Batista and that hooker cop.

This season has just been such a disappointment now that it’s all starting to unravel. They wasted perfectly good potential plot points like Lewis (that was being set up for half of last SEASON and they just offed him out of the blue), and the plot’s they’ve chosen have been weak. Isaak was a great villain, sent off in a very anticlimactic way and awkward distance away from the finale. Now Hannah is the main focus but she’s such a poorly written character and her relationship with Dexter seems SO GODDAMN FORCED it’s completely sunk the season. And don’t  even get me started on the whole phantom pyro killer BS of the past two episodes. I’d call that a time filler, but EVERYTHING THAT F***ING HAPPENED THIS WEEK WAS A TIME FILLER.

To be fair, I was going to lose it if this guy ended up actually being the pyro.

This may be more of a rant than a review, but it’s a real bummer to see a once-promising season go to shit like this. What the hell were they thinking? So many seasons of Dexter have had incredible scripts and very specific direction to them. This feels disjointed and directionless and last night was a real low point for the series in my eyes.

Fun Bonus Fact: I don’t consider this a spoiler because the books are NOTHING like the show past season one for the most part, but when they were talking about if Dexter’s “Dark Passenger” were real or not I remembered this. In one of the later books, Dexter’s passenger is actually discovered to literally be a demon possessing him. That’s right, we could have had a supernatural Dexter season on our hands if they stayed true to the original series. Sometimes it’s good to stray from the source material.