By Jenni Wright
It’s Golden Globes and Oscar season, which means it’s time to talk about how incredible actors are and all of their enumerated accomplishments. But being the contrarian kind of gal that I am, I can’t help but remember all of the awful characters I was forced to watch prance around in my favorite television shows. I give you my list of the worst characters from my favorite tv shows:
Bonnie Bennett, Vampire Diaries
Bonnie is a witch. That’s about as interesting as Bonnie gets. Sure she has an on again off again relationship with Jeremy Gilbert, but their romance has about as much spice as a bowl of oatmeal. That is to say – it’s lukewarm, unpleasant looking and will likely end in a bowel movement.
Becky Sproles, Friday Night Lights
I actually think it’s basically sacrilege to find fault with Friday Night Lights. So I will preempt my heresy with praise about this beloved show. Peter Berg created a bright, interesting and vulnerable script about a group of high school football players who live in Dillon, Texas which aimed to teach America a little something about itself. And damnit if watching QB1 Saracen interact with his grandma in a dilapidated house didn’t just teach me something heartwarming about family and love. And while the execution of the show was basically brilliant, there were a few missteps in its five seasons. One of them was Becky Sproles, Tim Riggins’ neighbor who takes a Lifetime Made for TV Movie type turn down accidental pregnancy and abortion lane. And if insult wasn’t already added to football injury, she manages to take down the world’s greatest woman, Tami Taylor, in the process. Becky Sproles, you ruined America.
Bruno Gianelli, West Wing
Hey kids, let’s round you all up to watch this show about idealism in politics and make you fall in love with President Jed Bartlett and his staff. And just when you thought your heart could explode with the love you have for the American government, we’ll have Jed Bartlett reveal he’s been lying to you all along about having Multiple Sclerosis and appoint political consultant Bruno Gianalli to come in and fix it. Except Bruno is gutless and sneaky and doesn’t seem to care about anything other than winning elections. That is to say on any other normal show he’d be the hero but in Sorkin land, he’s the devil.
Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
Grey’s Anatomy is nowhere near my favorite tv show but I would be remiss if I did not point out that she is the worst. Ellen Pompeo, please impale me. Meredith was all of the worst things one can say about a Shonda Rhimes character – whiny, verbose and constantly worried about shit that doesn’t matter. Her only redeeming quality was when she interacted with bomb squad leader Kyle Chandler in the episode that aired after the superbowl, reminding us that Coach Taylor can do no wrong, no matter where he shows up.
Finchy, The Office UK
Ah, and now we get to an annoying sexist pig. Normally a British accent can get one away with criminal and immoral behavior (cough cough Hugh Grant) but Ralph Ineson’s portrayal of Finchy left me wondering if I needed to keep mace in my purse. Great acting on Ineson’s part but sometimes you don’t want to be reminded by what kind of absolute creeps are really out there. And to top it all off, he’s seen at the end of the show having sex with Trudy at the office party, meaning that karma does not exist in Slough.
Jaqen H’ghar, Game of Thrones
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hear me out. Jaqen is no doubt the most interesting man in the world, despite what Dos Equis would have you believe. But where Jaqen became the worst for me was when HBO decided to stick to the books and have him change his face in season 2. In a show that has an abundance of man candy, I am absolute in my greediness. You can kill off Ned Stark and Robb and even Renly, but for the love of the Seven, let us keep staring at Tom Wlaschica.
Ann Perkins, Parks and Recreation
Nothing quite hits my rage button like when Leslie Knope talks about how great Ann Perkins is. Really, Leslie? When Ron effin’ Swanson is your boss and Aziz Ansari is inventing DJ Roomba, you’re really going to turn to Ann and say she hits it out of the park? Rashida Jones, I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re a nice lady but somehow you got miscast because you’re attractive. And let’s be honest, Rob Lowe is attractive enough for the entirety of Pawnee, Indiana so you didn’t really need to exist.
Jenni Wright lives in Los Angeles, where all of the actors playing the worst tv characters likely live.