The Negotiations That Led to Beyonce’s Direct TV Commercial


By now, you’ve seen – and are sick of – Beyonce’s commercial for Direct TV, featuring her song “Upgrade.”  My question is this: how the hell did this commercial come to be?  I mean, sure, Beyonce’s an uber-recognizable celebrity and is pretty hot, so associating her with a product is a smart move for advertisers.  That I get.  I think the song blows, but the masses love audible excrement.  The part I just can’t understand is the S&M-esque “upgrade” letters she holds in her mouth:



 How the hell did this come to be?  I imagine the conversation between Beyonce’s agent and the Direct TV advertising executive must have gone something like this (in my little world where complex business discussions are conducted by just two people and an agreement is always reached) :

Direct TV: We’re big fans of your client.  We’re willing to pay her a good deal of money to appear in an ad for Direct TV.

Agent: That sounds great.  What did you have mind?

Direct TV: Well, we’d like to use her song “Upgrade,” for one.

Agent:  Alright.

Direct TV: And we’ll want her to dance, and at some point break from song to pitch the product.

Agent: Naturally.

Direct TV: Most importantly, I want Beyonce to wear a red rubber ball gag.

Agent: Excuse me?

Direct TV: Yeah, you know.  What, that doesn’t turn you on?

Agent: You’re kidding.

Direct TV: We’re willing to pay a lot of money.

Agent: It’s Beyonce.  She doesn’t need the money.

Direct TV: Money that you, as her agent, get a cut of.

Agent: …

Direct TV: Look, we’ll make it a bling gag instead, and the bling will spell out “upgrade.”

Agent: That does sound kind of hot.

Direct TV: I know, my erection is throbbing right now.


  1. jesee March 18, 2009
  2. Madison March 18, 2009

Add Comment

The 10 Best Bigfoot Movies of All-Time
The Most Iconic Accessories To Appear on Film
Here’s How to Make That Lasagna From “Garfield”
The “Star Wars: Last Jedi” Gag Reel Features Carrie Fisher Slapping Oscar Isaac 40 Times
The Dragon Age Origins Gift Giving Guide
Five of Our Favorite Breath of the Wild Recipes
Breaking Down Each of the Races in Tera
How to Get Going with an Enchantment Table in Minecraft
How Timmy From South Park was Saved from Being Removed From the Show
Who Are the Most Popular Superheroes on TV?
Analysts Say By 2028 Netflix Will Grow To 262M Subscriptions And 72% Of America
“Rick and Morty’s” Rick Sanchez is Full of Life Wisdom
If “Ready Player One” Were More Realistic (Comic)
Video Highlights The Most Useless Superhero Powers of All-Time
RPG Bosses You Always Fight On Your Quest (Comic)
The True Power of the Infinity Gauntlet (Comic)
LEGO Reveals A TRON: Legacy Light Cycles Set
A Noise Canceling Noodle Fork That Drowns Out Slurping Sounds
We Need to Talk About These Kids Meal Spongebob Toys
“Star Wars” Darth Vader Stovetop Kettle Will Bring You To The Dark Side
Famous Cosplayer Yota Nakiri Before And After She Started Cosplaying
Amazing D&D Cosplay Brings Kenku To Life
Ideas for Female Video Game-inspired Halloween Costumes
Five Video Games that Generate the Best Cosplay