The Five Most Evil Corporations to Ever Exist on Television

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With all this talk about corporate greed on Wall St. ruining the country, I thought it was time to point out that we could be a lot worse off. AIG may be a bunch of douchebags, but I doubt their actions will actually lead to the physical destruction of the world. These five fictional evil corporations are the worst of the worst, trying to dominate the world landscape with genetic engineering, contracted assassination and time travel and they make Freddie May and Fannie Mac look like the Salvation Army.

5. Cyberdyne SystemsTerminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

skynet

Why they’re evil:

The artificial intelligence-run global defense network rises to power in the future, killing off most of humanity with psychotic robots. In order to secure their march toward world domination, they periodically send Terminators back in time to kill human resistance leaders, and have been known to focus on a young lad named John Connor especially.

Who’s in charge: Angry @#$%ing robots.

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There is no CEO of Skynet, seeing as the entire network is one elaborate artificial intelligence system, so it’s one hive mind sending out thousands of pissed off machines to do its dirty work.

How to bring them down:

After 100 movies and the TV show, it’s becoming pretty damn apparent that there’s nothing you can do to stop the robot apocalypse from happening. John and Sarah Connor may successfully scamper around avoiding death, but I’ll be damned if they’re actually going to be able to blow up something as pervasive as the internet.

4. The CompanyPrison Break

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Why they’re evil:

They set up Lincoln Burrows as the fall guy for the murder of the Vice President’s brother, they’ve killed dozens and dozens of citizens and government officials who have gotten in their way, and are involved in schemes with front companies, counterfeiting and contracted murder. Their highest claim to fame so far has to be the covert assassination of the vice-president herself.

Who’s in charge: The General

general

This ugly lookin’ dude is presumably some sort of black-ops rogue agent, but that still doesn’t explain how his organization has thoroughly infiltrated almost every single branch of government undetected. Also, wins the award for the company with the least creative name. Seriously, “The Company”? Please.

How to bring them down:

Michael Scofield and his team of prison break-ees is hard at work finding “Scylla,” a series of six digital cards that’s the Company’s little black book listing all their employees and contacts. Even though Prison Break has less to do with prison and breaking than ever before, the crusade against the Company lasted the show’s entire run. Impressive. Or annoying, take your pick.

3. PinehearstHeroes

pinehearst

Why they’re evil:

They’re synthesizing a formula that possesses the ability to give regular humans superpowers. As we jump into the future, we see this leads to Armageddon (the third such scenario in three seasons of Heroes), and they tried to build an army of turbo-powered villains to ensure their mission’s success.

Who’s in charge: Arthur Petrelli

arthur

Nathan, Peter and presumably Sylar’s father Arthur Petrelli is the man behind the curtain. After turning a supposedly immortal hero to dust in the last episode, he’s ready to start busting heads. Petrelli has the Rogue-like talent to absorb others’ powers, and last we checked he had just swiped all of Peter’s dozen or so abilities. Uh oh.

How to bring them down:

It’s Heroes, just go back in time until you get it right. Or find someone with a dangerous ability (like that radioactive guy who frequently almost blew himself up) and make Arthur overload with too much power. When he goes, Pinehearst will go with him.  Or create an entire new Heroes show.  That’ll work!

2. Luthorcorp Smallville

luthorcorp

Why they’re evil:

They’ve messed around with every possible use of kryptonite, giving an assload of psychotic citizens highly dangerous powers. Also, they’ve partnered with evil alien entities on more than one occasion which has led to about three or four different apocalyptic scenarios which Clark Kent has had to stop usually by throwing one or more people into a wall.

Who’s in charge: Lex Luthor

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Lex struggled internally with his evil side for a number of seasons on Smallville, but his resistance to being consumed by it went out the window (quite literally) when he threw his father through some plate glass on the 50th floor of Luthorcorp and took the reigns of the company himself. Kind of gives new meaning to the term “hostile takeover.”

How to bring them down:

Make the actor who plays Lex shave his head every day for seven years. Just kidding, but Michael Rosenbaum eventually left the show, leaving Luthorcorp wide open for others to assume control to keep doing the dirty deeds they’re known for. Clark continues his eternal crusade against them, but his propensity for good always forces him to let the bad guys live and come back and bite him in the ass another day. As menacing as “the Phantom Zone” sounds, people sure do escape from it an awful lot.

1. The Hanso FoundationLost

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Why they’re evil:

The Lost island is a “magical place” as someone like John Locke might say. But the Dharma initiative had to come and invade it, setting up their scientific stations and interfering with the mojo of the apparently self-aware island. The Dharma initiative spawned Benjamin Linus, perhaps the most evil, manipulating man on the planet who ended up killing all of his coworkers to appease the island. It’s still not explicity clear what Hanso’s intentions were with the island, but they should have just learned to leave well enough alone.

Who’s in charge: Alvar Hanso

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Even less is known about the CEO of Hanso, who we know is Danish and the great grandson of Magnus Hanso, a 19th century shipping captain whose boat just happened to crash land on the island. An unruly amount of people have died on the island, including natives, employees, and castways alike and Hanso is to blame for disturbing the island’s slumber.

How to bring them down:

Move the island.