It’s a fact of life that it’s never interesting to hear about other people’s dreams, no matter how interesting the person telling them thinks they are. Usually dreams involve wild and wacky occurrences and constantly shifting players and landscapes so it can be hard to tell what’s actually going on.
But I had a dream last night that has particular relevance to the site here, and it wasn’t very wacky at all. Rather, it was imagining a surprisingly coherent ending to Breaking Bad, one that’s actually…happy.
Now, Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan has said that the true ending of the show will be “polarizing,” likely meaning that either someone we love will die, or it will be incredibly unclear like The Sopranos. My ending? Not so much.
So, here’s my imagined ending for Breaking Bad that was revealed to me divinely last night in my sleep.
It sort of skips over the whole “last eight episodes” thing and goes straight into an epilogue branching off from the opening scene we saw at the beginning of the last season where Walt with hair is in a diner. Annnnnd begin:
Walt pays his check and leaves the diner. He goes to a car where he opens the trunk to find a machine gun. Wrapping it up in a towel, he hauls it across the parking lot.
He approaches a massive RV, one dramatically unlike the one he used out in the desert. It’s state of the art, brand new and painted a rich sky blue. He opens the door and puts the gun on the floor inside.
“Jesus, Walt,” says Hank, “What’re you going to do with that? Invade Poland?”
Inside the RV are Hank and Marie sitting around a small kitchen table. Skyler is busying herself doing dishes and Junior is in the front seat. Jesse is taking a nap in the driver’s seat, but jolts awake when the door opens.
“It’s just insurance,” Walt says gruffly. “No one is coming after us, you’ve made sure of that, but in case anyone ever does, it’s the one gun that will end a fight quicker than any other. Sometimes without even firing a shot.”
“A-a-awesome dad!” says Junior as Skyler just shakes her head.
“Yo Mr. White,” says Jesse, rubbing his eyes. “We ready to bounce?”
“Yes, Jesse. Let’s go.”
The RV takes off from the parking lot, and merges onto a New Hampshire highway.
Time passes, and it’s now dark. The RV is driving through countryside now, and nothing appears to be around for miles.
“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Hank says. “I could have nailed your ass to the wall.”
“Well, it was either tear your family apart and lose your career, or join me and become a millionaire instantly. Wasn’t much of a choice, was it?” Walt says smirking.
“Always the branianc,” Hank says, annoyed.
“I don’t know,” says Marie. “I think it’s kind of nice! The whole family together. And…Jesse.”
“I heard that, yo.”
“It’s better than prison,” Skyler says solemnly.
“A-a-are we there yet?” asks Junior. Jesse glances over to him.
“Yeah, Mr. White. Where the hell is this place anyway?”
“Just keep driving,” Walt says. “We’ll be there soon.”
The sun is just starting to rise and the RV turns into a stone archway and starts down a long driveway splitting a dense forest. Eventually they see their destination, an enormous mansion, hidden in the woods. It’s old architecture, Bavarian almost. It’s not in perfect shape, the stone is tarnished and some of the wood looks a bit rotten, but overall it’s a gorgeous estate. An old 1960’s BMW is parked in the driveway.
Jesse parks the RV and the group all spills out onto the cobblestone driveway. Walt knocks on the door, once, twice, three times. Finally, an old woman answers. She looks to be at least eighty.
“Hello!” she says with a mouse-like squeak. “I’m so happy you could find the place!”
Walt smiles and everyone is ushered inside. Hank is struggling with an enormous heavy suitcase.
They’re invited into the grand foyer. The inside is beautiful, if a bit dusty, and paintings are hung on the walls showing old men with long mustaches and women in voluminous dresses.
“Oh my god, this is amazing!” says Marie.
“Feel free to look around,” the old woman says.
Junior pokes his head into an adjacent room.
“D-d-dad, they have a flatscreen! You should s-s-see how big it is!”
Walt smiles and waves at him.
“Go have fun.”
Hank huffs and puffs with the suitcase.
“Where, uh, do want this Walt?”
“Right there is good, thank you Hank.”
Hank sets the case down and walks off with Junior. Jesse speaks next.
“So uh, I hear this place as a pretty massive basement, huh?”
The old woman nods.
“Yes, a fabulous wine cellar, just down the hall to the left.”
Jesse glances over to Walt.
“I’m going to go do some, uh, measuring.”
Walt nods, and turns back to the old woman.
“I have to say,” she says. “I was surprised to get your call. This house has been on the market for years. Even with the history attached, no one wants to pay so much to live so far removed from civilization.”
Walt smiles politely. “That’s not an issue for my family.”
“The price has been lowered a few times,” she says. “But I have to stay firm at $5 million. It used to be worth three times that!”
Walt continues to smile. “Again, not a problem.”
He bends down and unzips the suitcase. Stacks upon stacks of crisp, laundered $20, $50 and $100 bills fill the entire container.
“Oh my!” the woman says.
“I run a cash business. I’ll have my nephew take this out to your car.”
“Can I ask you something?” she says. “Why this place, if you have all that money?”
“Well, I was looking for something remote for my family and I to live in peace after a bit of a…rough patch. And when I learned of the history of the place, it just seemed like kismet.”
“Are you a fan of my father’s work then?” she asked, peering down her glasses.
“Indeed,” Walt says, smiling. “Don’t worry Mrs. Heisenberg, I’ll take good care of your father’s house.”
So there you have it, my comically ridiculous happy ending where Walt, his family and Jesse ride off into the sunset and live in a mansion formerly owned by the great physicist, Werner Heisenberg, who I’m fairly certain never emigrated to America to buy a house, but whatever. Also, shouldn’t Walt have picked the name of a famous chemist?
Now we wait to see what actually happens, and I doubt it will be nearly as rosy.