This is an entertainment site, but here at Unreality we are friends and link partners with quite a few gossip blogs. As they populate my bookmarks, I visit them on occasion, and I keep seeing the same people over and over again, and I don’t understand why.
It’s class of people who it seems are famous ONLY for appearing on gossip blogs, and as an avid movie and television watcher, I’m shocked I don’t understand why many of them are famous. I’m not saying I don’t know who they are, I just don’t have any idea how they got to be celebrities.
1. Heidi Montag
I understand that Montag used to be on The Hills, a spinoff of Laguna Beach that far too many girls watched for the last few years. But that ended, Heidi was determined to retain her fame. Her plan? Since the paparazzi didn’t think she was interesting enough to follow around, she’s hired her OWN paparazzi to shadow her and take “candid photos” for reprint in celebrity magazines and sites.
These photos of her and her douchebag husband Spencer Pratt are some of the most laughable things I’ve ever seen. In efforts to be “candid,” there are shots like the one you see above, where Heidi pretends to almost have a boob slip on the beach. As you can see from her face, she can’t even act that role convincingly.
When fake photoshoots fail, she gets massive amounts of plastic surgery so the gossip magazines put her on the cover and say “OMG HEIDI HAS MORE PLASTIC SURGERY.” But even those type of publications drew the line (well most of them) when she and her husband “broke up” and he started alleging she had a sex tape. Completely untrue, but as her star keeps fading, the prospect of a real sex tape is inevitable for more attention.
2. Kim Kardashian
Speaking of sex tapes… Many will wonder why Paris Hilton isn’t on this list. She might have been a few years ago, but seems far less relevant than she used to. Plus, it’s obvious she was famous mainly because of her sex tape, which was by comparison, far better than Ms. Kardashian’s here.
Yes, Kim had a sex tape with her boyfriend Ray J, but by all accounts it is absolutely retarded, and outside of that, I had to do research as to why people seem to be genuinely interested in Kim Kardashian. She’s the daughter of Robert Kardashian, who was one of OJ Simpson’s lawyers back in the day, but is that enough to make you famous?
Nope, and the woman from what I can tell, appears to be famous for having a giant ass. It’s impressive sure, and I do think she’s quite pretty, but no ass should be so impressive that it lands you and you’re entire family an E! reality show which makes The Real Housewives look like Mad Men.
3. Justin Bieber
I know I’ve mentioned Bieber before on my “things that make me feel old” post, but I know a little more about him now, and feel the need to bring him up again. I understand the fame of most young rising pop stars from past or present. Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Jesse McCartney, David Archuletta, and a bunch of others who have inspired a teen mob or two. All are pretty good looking, and genuinely talented, but I just can ‘t say the same is true of Bieber.
He was discovered on YouTube of all places, which should be your first clue something is afoot, and he appears to have gotten famous because various celebrities have adopted him like a pet like Usher, shown here. It’s like he’s some novelty for other celebrities to be photographed and record with.
As for his music, I’ve listened to it and its absolute garbage. I may see some merit or spunk in Cyrus or Swift outings, but Bieber has literally nothing of substance in his music, not lyrical value (what does a fifteen year old boy know about love?) or musical talent (there is so much auto-synthing in his songs it would make T-Pain cry). And as you can see, he is in NO WAY CUTE. Even by pre-teen girl standards, no one should be swooning over Justin Bieber. Taylor Lautner = teenage sex icon. Justin Bieber = ugly lesbian. I just don’t get his following. Let’s just ignore how homolicious these last few sentences might have sounded…
4. Tila “Tequila” Nguyen
Behold, the creation of a celebrity in the age of the internet. Do you remember how Tila Tequila got famous? Way back in the dawn of social media, MySpace was a viable website, and Tila realized this. She set about getting as many friends on the site as she could, and because she was an attractive Asian girl, she was featured in the “Top 8” on a million different guys profiles who wanted to act like they were cool that this hot girl would be friends with them.
She is a self-marketing genius, as there are plenty of hot Asian models out there who could have taken her place, but her ravenous quest for fame actually landed her a show on MTV where she pretended to be bisexual and made out with boys and girls even though she had a steady boyfriend in real life at the time.
Fast-forward to today, where the above picture accurately describes the state of her life. Literally rolling on the ground at a red carpet event, wearing a belt for a shirt with so much boob showing it makes the word “cleavage” obsolete, and only making news headlines when Juggalos hit her in the head with bottles.
5. The Entire Cast of Jersey Shore
OK, so I kind of understand the fame here. These folks are the stars of a wildly popular MTV show, and straight up cultural phenomenon. With that should come a certain level of celebrity. But what I do NOT understand is why MTV pays them millions of dollars to continue this show, and why Jersey Shore is somehow different than The Real World.
When I first heard that the cast had taken a hardline approach to contract negotiations, I scratched my head. “Wait a minute, they want them to come back? They aren’t just getting a new cast?” Re-signing the same guidos is like if The Real World kept bringing back the same people every year. I understand that these people are in a sense dynamic personalities, but after two seasons of watching them party and hook up with each other, are they really viable as a long running franchise? Their adventures aren’t exactly sitcom material.
I expect that MTV will bring in new blood to the Jersey Shore quite soon, and we’ll have a whole new host of deformed, tanned people to mock but secretly like. But as for these guys, they’ll soon fade into obscurity like a dozen odd other casts of The Real World have.