The Worst Superhero Sex Partners

You know, sometimes ideas just come to me, and no matter how ridiculous they are, I feel like I have to write about them regardless. Perhaps I’m damaging future career prospects making this post about the worst superhero sex partners, but what the hell, I think it’s funny, and I bet you might as well.

It can be hard to be a superhero or villain when your powers get in the way of having a normal relationship. This is sometimes explored in comics and movies, but not to the extent it could be for many of our favorite characters. I’ve compiled a list of who I think would be the most awkward to hook up with, along with a bonus of two who would probably actually be pretty great.

Some rush to defend themselves, while others accept their lonely fate. Check them all out below, and add in any you feel I’ve missed.

Beast

Bruce Banner

Colossus

Cyclops

Invisible Woman

Iceman

Human Torch

Poison Ivy

Rogue

The Flash

Wolverine

And the best?

For girls – Mr. Fantastic

For guys – Mystique


  • trashcanman

    Awesome.

  • i’m going to guess the rogue/gambit one ends in explosion.

  • Tracer Bullet

    Colossus would be great for the gals. He’s always hard and he won’t get tired. He’s like a Sybian that doesn’t need a power cord.

    Plastic Man can take any shape, not Mr. Fantastic.

    /pedant

  • @monstrinho: If they’re doing it right.

    To add to the bad list…any Morlock chick.

  • Javier

    PlasticaMan fits better in there than Mr. Fantastic…he’s way more wacky and you know he’s more prone to the freaky stuff than Mr. Fantastic, he’s just to serious…

  • truant

    “The Thing! Is his dork made of orange rock like the rest of his body?”

  • Bert

    So Paul is a Marvel guy apparently. I’d still say the worst is Superman. Unless of course the girl LIKES having Kryptonian super-sperm rip her body apart.

  • Sylkmatic

    …this list is weak 3 of the worst can become normal humans. Especially when theres guys like the lizard, tombstone, modock, or any batman villan minus catwoman.

  • steve p

    i for one thing invisible woman would be all sorts of fun…

  • wordkave

    cooooool

  • H Ramos

    Hawkgirl! She has wings!

    Think of the possibilities.

  • gambit

    I never understood why it would be so tough for Rogue. I’m basing this on the cartoon series from the 90s here but a lot of that was based on the comics so I’m assuming it’s fairly canon.

    They had freaking collars that blocked their mutant powers!! They had the technology to simply put on a bracelet or collar for as long rogue needed to get laid. Pure and simple when it’s banging time, she puts on the collar and she can touch people.

    They always made this big deal about poor Rogue she can’t touch people its a curse blah blah but Xavier has a jet underneath his house and the biggest (and only) psycic computer in the world, not to mention the technological marvel that is the Danger Room. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard for them to reverse engineer one of the collars (that already existed) so they had the (extremely convenient) technology.

    It could even be used to help train young mutants who were still learning to control their powers, like training wheels or a safety switch or whatever. I hate unlogic.

    /rant

  • Adam Johnson

    I like this list. X-D

  • Alex

    You should so do this with TV /movie characters.

    I can already imagine it. River Tam- crazy in bed. Derek Zoolander getting lost in his eyes. Hannibal Lecter-obvious ones. Sarah Connor…so much possibilities

  • forgot how many times I envisioned Mystique as my ideal sex partner…

  • Velcro

    Rogue has actually had control of her powers for awhile now. She can touch people without putting them in the hospital now.

  • glabo

    fucking invisible woman every night!

  • Correction: Mystique is the best superhero lay for BOTH men and women. Being able to fuck anyone you want isn’t just appealing to dudes.

  • Zach

    Whatever, I would love to sex it up with Beast and Wolverine. At the same time.