The Four Properties of Movie Vampires

vampire-chart.jpg

(click to enlarge)

This chart from Fabio.com.ar might just be one big Twilight joke in the end, but it’s pretty well made regardless. It shows where you favorite (and despised) vampire movies fall on the four axes of Darkness, Macho, Pink and Homo.

Most fall in the Macho Darkness quadrant as you would hope, but there definitely a few on the Homo and Pink side. I would agree with The Lost Boys placement to be sure (what a ridiculous ass movie). I would argue that Gayracula would be both macho and homo, if that makes sense, but the chart doesn’t really work like that.

Blade is a touch Pink. Don’t try and deny it.


  • Bert

    There’s no way that the Count falls on the Homo side. If you don’t agree, let me ask you this – name me a more Macho Sesame Street Muppet. Besides Oscar.

  • Velovan

    Let the Right One In was fucking awesome. Just sayin.

  • drink51

    Blade= Pink? not sure why

    Interview and Lost Boys both could go higher up the homo scale…

    Where is From Dusk Til Dawn?

  • leo

    WHERE IS THE DRACULA FROM VAN HELSING!!!

  • PQ

    why is Buffy under Pink? yeah she’s a girl, but find me a vampire series in the 90s that dealt with that much darkness in real life…

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  • spikey

    Pretty much every placement is so totally wrong, which is an achievement in and of itself. so, kudos.

    Oh except twilight, he must have done that by mistake?

  • The fact that “Let the Right One in” is NOT on the “homo” side is ridiculous. They show the stubby amputated penis scare on that vampire. That’s both bazaar and “homo”. The only good part about that movie was when the he/she vampire comes into the house without being invited and it starts bleeding from the head. I liked how they handled that element.

    And why is “Buffy” even remotely “macho”?