The Faculty: The Awful Movie That Launched a Thousand Careers

The Faculty is one of those movies that’s just slipped by me for years. I’ve heard of it, I kind of knew what it was about, I’ve just never seen it, and last night I sat down and watched the thing. What I didn’t realize was just how absolutely star-studded the movie is, and I doubt the movie knew it at the time either.

There are so many recognizable faces in this, I almost laughed every time I saw a new one. I was so surprised by the good fortune this film had to assemble a young cast who actual had a future in front of them, I decided it was worth a post showcasing the massive amount of talent that the movie had without really even realizing it.

The movie itself is awful. It’s about a school that gets taken over by a parasitic alien, who can only be killed by pens filled with cocaine. I’m serious. It’s a B-movie for the modern era, but one that is more often than not, just plain retarded.

But man, how about this cast? Read on:

1. Elijah Wood


Every movie needs a wimpy lead to later become strong, and here young Elijah was it. Sure he’d had some major roles before this, but this was before he really started to blow up, and far earlier than his trip to Mordor.

2. Josh Hartnett


The closest thing to a second lead The Faculty has would be Josh Hartnett, who plays a genius drug dealer who breaks all the rules and keeps failing his senior year before he’s bored. He really has an awful haircut in this movie.

3. Robert Patrick


Not exactly a future star per se, but yes, this is the T-1000 liquid Terminator that hunted Arnold and Edward Furlong throughout T2. And yes, you are correct, he is a bad guy here.

4. Jordana Brewster


The hot chick popular lead role goes to a young Jordana Brewster, still very much hot here. She’s not huge these days, but you probably know who she is through the Fast and the Furious series or her various other projects like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel.

5. Shawn Hatosy


You might not know the name, but if you’ve been watching Southland on TNT, you definitely know the face. One of the stars of that show was young Shawn here, who plays the jock turned scholar dating Jordana’s character.

6. Jon Stewart


Now things are getting weirder. The future host of The Daily Show has only had a few roles in movies over the years, and this was one of his strangest. There is a thoroughly excellent scene where he dies by getting stabbed in the eye with a pen full of cocaine. It’s sublime.

7. Salma Hayek


What the? Yes, a not-quite-a-bombshell-yet version of Salma Hayek shows up in the film for a few scenes as the school nurse. You’ll see why her appearance makes sense when I get to the director.

8. Christopher McDonald


Yes, that’s definitely Shooter McGavin, showing up in a brief role as Elijah Wood’s overbearing father who thinks his son is on drugs when he reports his teachers are all aliens.

9. Famke Janssen


The future X-hottie plays a reserved teacher who bickers with Josh Hartnett, but she turns sultry once the alien parasite gets ahold of her.

10. Danny Masterson


The future Hyde from That ’70s Show appears briefly as (what else) a drug user who scores coke from Hartnett’s dealer character.

11. Usher Raymond


Are you impressed yet? Yes, even Ursher himself is in this damn movie, and he’s barely even an actor. He’s just a side note, as a football player friend of one of the main kids, but it’s bizarre to see him nonetheless.

12. And it’s all directed by Robert Rodriguez


Yes, this film was made by the Desperado/Sin City/Machete director whose other work FAR outweighs this crap. Only briefly do you catch any glimpse of his style in this film, and one wonders what prompted him to make this thing in the first place?

There you have it, maybe this is old news, but I found it really damn interesting to see all these faces in one awful film. Makers you wonder which shitty horror movie made today might contain a bunch of stars from a decade from now…


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