Seven Cool Items I Wish Were Real, and Why That’s a Bad Idea

3. Talismans, Jackie Chan Adventures Series

An animated Jackie Chan along with his elderly uncle and youthful niece, Jade, set out to prevent the resurrection of the demonic dragon Shendu by stopping a criminal organization known as the Dark Hand from retrieving twelve powerful octagonal stone talismans.

Each talisman has the image of an animal from the Chinese zodiac carved into it, and each has its own special power. For example, the ox, hare, snake, and rooster give their users super strength, super speed, and the powers of invisibility and levitation, respectively. The pig offers Superman-like laser-eye vision. The rat can turn statues into living, breathing life forms, and the monkey can cause the user to animorph. The tiger represents the balance of yin and yang, and when broken, whoever holds it is split in two—a good half and an evil half. Everyone in the show hates the sheep talisman because all it does is causes the user to astral project, which is useless when fighting and leaves your body vulnerable. The horse and dog talismans provide extraordinary healing abilities and immortality, respectively. And the dragon gives wielders the ability to basically shoot fireballs.

Why it’s a Bad Idea

First of all, these twelve objects can resurrect a demonic dragon.

Second, some of these (like the ox and hare) would ruin the integrity of athletics if a dishonest athlete got his or her hands on them. Kind of like a steroid with no side effects and that won’t show up in a urine sample.

Some of the others are less dangerous, it would just be difficult to explain to the media why people are flying and stuff. Just like the Senzu beans earlier, the healing talisman would be cool. But the immortality one terrifies me. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy immortality—I’m sure I’d find some way to spend my time—but if it fell into the hands of the mob or the military, their enemies would be done for. And that’s just not fair.

2. Dragon Balls, Dragon Ball Universe

Seven golden-yellow crystal balls bearing an increasing number of orange stars in them both kick off the Dragon Ball series and end the Dragon Ball GT series. Well, the ones in GT had black stars, but you get the point. Even at the peak of battle, everyone had the Dragon Balls in the back of their minds.

When all seven are brought together, a mystical dragon is summoned. Depending on which Namekian created this particular set of Dragon Balls, you may have anywhere between one and three wishes. The rules and powers associated with the individual dragons and sets of Dragon Balls varies according to the wishes of their creator.

The Dragon Balls are most often used to bring a main character back to life or to revive innocent people who got mixed up in the fight between the Z Fighters and powerful villains. Like that time Majin Buu destroyed the entire planet.

Why it’s a Bad Idea

Bringing people back to life is a little weird. And it kind of takes the impermanence out of life, which could potentially cause a decrease in the value of life. I mean, if you can just be wished back to life, then your death hasn’t been such a big deal. A world in which people don’t fear death at least a little bit is a dangerous world.

Then there’s what Vegeta and Frieza wanted to do with the Dragon Balls: achieve immortality. Why is it always the ones who should not be allowed to live forever who want to be immortal? It’s the mindset of emperors and conquerors, which both Vegeta and Frieza are. I’m just saying I don’t want to deal with an immortal Hitler or Stalin. Or Bush.

1. The Death Note, Death Note

The Death Notes are notebooks owned by the shinigami (death gods). Sometimes the shinigami get bored and leave their Death Notes in the human world, hoping humans find them and do something interesting with them. Light, a human boy, finds one and does just that.

By writing a person’s name while imagining his or her face, you will cause that person’s death. Within a certain amount of time, you may also specify that person’s cause of death. Disgusted by evil, Light uses his Death Note to kill criminals. Throughout the series, he comes into contact with other people who have either discovered or been given other Death Notes.

Why it’s a Bad Idea

That weird guy you make fun of in the break room? That guy you just beat out for the promotion? That woman you just pissed off at the bank? Your secretary whom you treat like crap? With your luck, these are the people who will probably find a Death Note. Let’s hope they’re not too sadistic.

I mean, the alternative is that we’re just nice to everyone. But what kind of world would that be?

  • RNGcoder

    The Portal Gun
    Less of a gun and more of a tool, the Portal Gun makes portals of different colors that are physically linked to each other, allowing for people and objects to safely pass between the two points instantly. The game’s puzzles never has the player go farther then a football field, but at one point shows that extreme travel distances are possible with the gun.

    Why it’s a Bad Idea
    Assuming any sort of quantity of these guns and any industry based on long distance travel (plane, train or bus) for people or goods goes bankrupt. Why wait on an 8 hour plane ride across the pond when you could be there in an hour. Why an hour? I’m assuming security and lines apply, but the though put of people would still be greater then a plane’s though put (150 per 8 hours vs how many people walking along a sidewalk in New York during busy hours).

    This leads to network hubs where a single location links to many other large population areas. Any biological or chemical device set off in such a location would not only cause destruction to the initial location, but would potentially leak though all of the portal travel network. I leave nuclear out of this as such an explosion would also destroy the wall the portal is on, and I’m guessing cause the portal to close shortly after detonation, likely destroying the portal network facility, but perhaps leaving the other cities relatively unharmed.

    Even a single gun would be capable of setting up a power station for infinite electricity at massive rates. A huge coil of wire weighing a huge number of tons falling hundreds of stories create a perpetual motion electric generator that has as much effect on the environment as a wind generator. I’m assuming that the guns themselves are self sustained as they never need recharging, and the portals are indefinite should the gun not be fired again or pass though an emancipation grill.

    Anyone evil enough controlling this power station could lower the cost of electricity until all of their competitors get ran into the ground via a losing cost competition. Without competition, the power station returns to normal or high cost electricity and makes hand over fist 100% efficient green dough.

  • lol

    Re: Senzu beans
    You do realize that companies don’t control the health of us who don’t live in 3. world countries, right?

  • wevs

    @lol: You obviously know nothing of pharmaceutical monopoly, son.

  • Fortunato

    Another reason the Mario powerups are a bad idea:

  • lol

    You can’t patent beans, as they are not an invention. And even if you could, there is no such thing as a international patent. You could change the beans enough to patent them and lobby the government to ban the original beans, however this won’t work if you live in a actual democracy.

  • Shiki

    I guess it’s the same thing as with marihuana. You could grow it in you garden, but it’s illegal. But for some reason if you are sick you can go and buy your marihuanna and it’s ok. So for sick people it ok, but for healthy people it’s illegal. That just makes me sick!!!

  • Steve

    LoL: There are multiple real world examples of exactly what the author is talking about. Your youthful idealism is charming, but unrealistic.

  • lol

    There are multiple real world examples of people banning the cure for all diseases?

    I didn’t say it would be available everywhere, but to assume it would be available nowhere is crazy. You don’t think people would vote for the party who is gonna cure all diseases? You don’t think they would vote out anyone who wants to ban it or uphold a ban? That’s too unrealistic?