Russell Brand to Play Jack Sparrow’s Brother, Will Surely Test the Bounds of His Acting Abilities

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You know, I just can’t picture it. Oh, there we go.

In what might be the least innovative casting decision ever, the English “lethario” as he’s known, Russell Brand, is reportedly in talks to play Jack Sparrow’s brother in the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. Brand, who looks, talks and acts like Sparrow in day to day life for seemingly no reason, is reportedly getting paid around $8M for the role, which is kind of like paying a cat for taking a nap. It’s just what they do.

But alas, he’ll probably be donning the pirate gear and swaggering onset provided this all goes through. Didn’t we learn in the third movie that more than one Jack Sparrow is um, annoying? You know, when he was dead, but not really dead, just stuck in some desert underworld with forty copies of himself and a million rock crabs? Sigh. And seriously, why are they even making another….I’ll stop that question right there because the answer is “money.”