‘New Moon’ Trailer – Shirtlessness, Stupidity, CGI, Scary-as-Shit Dakota Fanning


I saw this trailer yesterday in front of Sorority Row (don’t get me started) and I was split between surprisingly impressed (I’m all for vampire douches being chokeslammed) and fearing for our nation’s teenage girls.

Let me see if I have this straight. Edward breaks up with Bella because it’s too dangerous for them to stay together. Instead of getting over it and hooking up with the way hotter werewolf Native American dude, she starts to hallucinate visions of him. However, the only time she gets these visions is when she’s on an adrenaline rush, so in order to keep seeing him she almost KILLS herself by falling off dirtbikes and jumping off cliffs. It’s like Crank: The Vampire Love Story, only the message it’s teaching to girls is “If a boy breaks up with you, you might as well try to kill yourself in a desperate plea to get his attention because if you’re not his girlfriend your life is pretty much worthless.”

I’ve never been more glad to not have a daughter right now.

  • Lagrange

    haha, this is awesome ^^
    I love the “I do stupid things so I will see hallucinations of my kinda-ex-boyfriend” part!
    I find it kind of interessting that the other trailer was all about the werewolf boy, but now it seems to be a completly different kind of story. Hope it doesn’t get too in medieval times like, I like it more old race of vampires set to the present style. But like with Underworld they will dig too deep in the random past.
    “Instead of getting over it and hooking up with the way hotter werewolf Native American dude” Well I think both are not really that good looking but if I was Bella, I wouln’d fall for the Native dude. I think he’s not attractive, mostly because even though he has the six pack, he still has such a weak/too friendly vibe.

  • James

    Sorority Row was a lot of fun. The killer made no sense and the killers death was goofy, but over all it was pretty cool.

  • Acid Rainbows

    Yeah, Whatever Bella, Go get laid or something.

  • illeaturfamily

    This vampire shit is just ridiculous. My ex-girlfriend used to love reading/watching this crap, then when I tried to tell her zombies were way fucking cooler she’d get all pissy and say “well its not about what’s cooler, Joey, it’s about the love story.” Yeah Steph, the love that a fuckin backward emo jerk has for you so that he bites you in the neck! At least zombies aren’t all wishy/washy about what they want and who they want to make love to. They go straight for the brains. Passive zombie or aggressive zombie, the mother licker just wants to grease on some brains.

    I can’t wait to see how this generation of girls turns out. It’s sad enough that there’s a crap ton of little teenagers running around screaming “omg edward this and bella that omg its so romantiiiiic.” But unfortunately, there’s a whole freaking slew of girls 18-28 (approximate) who are just as caught up in this hot garbage. I really don’t see what’s so different about this love story from any other love story out there – There’s a mixed up girl in a new town, she falls in love with one douche, decides she can’t be with him so she falls in love with another douche, then finally wises up and gets back with the first douche because she’s “following her heart.” Well apparently girls just love douche bags. In my honest opinion, we need more Sean Connerys and less vampires.

    I would say that little to none of the crap I just wrote makes any sense. I’m just venting. Vampires schmampires.

  • Madison

    What bothers me about crap like this is that there’s actually GOOD vampire stuff out there, but it’ll get associated with this garbage.

  • Ashweee

    as a 21 year old girl I have read three of the books, and I can say they are crap. it saddens me to know that these teenage girls are reading this and thinking it’s the best literature out there possible, furthermore Twilight has cause this huge nonsensical outburst of vampire spin offs, it’s driving me nuts. Everyone reading it just makes me want to rip the books out of their hands and replace it with Lord of the Rings.

  • @Paul-

    I love your description, it’s so spot on. I do have to credit the directer of this move for at least making the movie appear similar to the book. Like the story or not, it’s great when a directer is faithful to the source material.


    I am totally with you that there is better stuff out there and Lord of the Rings is one of the best set of books ever, but people who read vampire fiction will not find Lord of the Rings at all in the same realm of books, they are nothing alike. It’s like saying “You like Stephen King, you should read Jane Austin.

  • Sepirothpk

    The sad thing is, you get called a nerd by girls if you’ve read lord of the rings, even though it’s well-written and a great story. Yet they read a vampire love story (First though was WTF?) with more plot holes than 1970’s cartoon. And almost the same amount of thought into characterisation. I mean, Twilight forgot one important rule straight away. Give a hook for readers to be drawn in by

  • orlisnjangel

    i am one of the ONLY people i know who hates everything twilight related…all of my friends are going to see this and insist on asking me anyway…even though they know they answer…i would rather rip out my toenails than see any more pictures or trailers of these movies…they make me ashamed to admit that i actually read the books…