‘New Moon’ Trailer – Shirtlessness, Stupidity, CGI, Scary-as-Shit Dakota Fanning

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs79_5n848Q

I saw this trailer yesterday in front of Sorority Row (don’t get me started) and I was split between surprisingly impressed (I’m all for vampire douches being chokeslammed) and fearing for our nation’s teenage girls.

Let me see if I have this straight. Edward breaks up with Bella because it’s too dangerous for them to stay together. Instead of getting over it and hooking up with the way hotter werewolf Native American dude, she starts to hallucinate visions of him. However, the only time she gets these visions is when she’s on an adrenaline rush, so in order to keep seeing him she almost KILLS herself by falling off dirtbikes and jumping off cliffs. It’s like Crank: The Vampire Love Story, only the message it’s teaching to girls is “If a boy breaks up with you, you might as well try to kill yourself in a desperate plea to get his attention because if you’re not his girlfriend your life is pretty much worthless.”

I’ve never been more glad to not have a daughter right now.