New ‘New Moon’ Posters Promote the Terrifying Power of Eyeshadow

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Not cool Dakota Fanning. Stop being 15 and wearing a ton of make-up so you look legal. I remember you screaming in Tom Cruise’s arms during War of the Worlds like it was yesterday. Anyways, call me in three years.

There are two other posters for New Moon that have debuted besides this Volturi one, but they’re just of Edward’s clan of lame vegetarian vampires and Jacob’s clan of shirtless buff brown dudes, so if you really want to see them, you can go to Yahoo!

You know, I actually did try to read this books in order to be able to talk shit while knowing what I’m talking about, but I had to stop midway through the first one once I read the word “Adonis” for the tenth time.