Michael Biehn has gotten some of the greatest roles in movie history, especially when you consider sci-fi and action movies. I feel like most movie-watchers would just give you a blank stare if you asked them who Michael Biehn was, but almost everyone knows him as the guy who fought Arnold in The Terminator.
Well, I want to give this guy his due. Here’s a look at six Michael Biehn movie roles, all of which kick insane amounts of ass. In each and every one of these roles, at some point in the respective movie, Biehn uses or has a deadly weapon. Which I can relate to — I had to register my fists with the government.
1. Dwayne Hicks – Aliens
In Aliens, Biehn played the role of Cpl. Dwayne Hicks, a tough-as-nails space marine who preferred a shotgun over pulse rifles. The aliens in the movie killed just about everyone, but Hicks managed to stay alive. Sure, he was wounded and unable to help Ripley rescue Newt, but survival alone makes Hicks a bad ass mofo. And, like, it was pretty obvious that Ripley was sweating Hicks pretty hard after getting to know him, but the alien queen ripping Bishop in half served as quite the mood-killer.
2. Kyle Reese – The Terminator
Now, I am not claiming that The Terminator is the best sci-fi movie ever (hell, the sequel is arguably better than the first), but I do think that it’s (one of) the greatest sci-fi stories ever. In the future, machines and artificial intelligence become self-aware, attempt to destroy humanity, but are stopped by the leader of the resistance, John Connor. So, the machines send a terminator back in time to hunt and kill Sarah Connor, John’s mother, before John is born. And the guy sent back by the humans to protect Sarah and keep hope for humanity alive? Kyle Reese, played by Michael Biehn. Reese doesn’t live through this movie, but he does father John Connor by knockin’ boots with Sarah. John is an obvious messianic figure (you think the initials J.C. are a coincidence?), which would make Kyle Reese…God pretty friggin’ awesome.
3. Johnny Ringo – Tombstone
Everyone loves Doc Holliday in this movie, and I just don’t get it. Why? Because he has tuberculosis and drinks alcohol? Big deal – I have syphilis and am usually wasted by 10:00 am. Anyhow, the real star of this movie is Michael Biehn as Johnny Ringo. I particularly love the scene when he talks trash in Latin to Holliday and then starts waving and spinning his gun around in Holliday’s face, gangsta style. Ringo was the realest, homies.
4. Lt. James Curran – Navy Seals
After playing the hope of all humanity and a space marine, Michael Biehn playing a Navy Seal seems like a breeze. Biehn’s Curran and his team of Seals stop terrorists from using Stinger missles. Now that I think about it, this movie is actually kind of cheesey and generic, but there’s enough shooting and explosions to make it watchable. Plus, the director, Lewis Teague, also directed Alligator, one of the greatest movies ever. He knows how to blow stuff up.
5. Lt. Hiram Coffey – The Abyss
Man, does James Cameron have a chubby for Michael Biehn or what? Biehn plays Lt. Hiram Coffey in The Abyss, also a Navy Seal. And yeah, Biehn played a Seal in The Rock, too, but I left that one off the list because, well, eff Michael Bay. Getting back to The Abyss, Coffey sorta loses his mind in the depths of the ocean and straps a nucular nuclear warhead to a Remote Operated Vehicle with the intention of nuking the undersea aliens. Biehn plays the hero so often, so it’s fun to see him in roles where he’s a villain, like Tombstone and The Abyss. As a side note, my buddy once went as Hiram Coffey for Halloween. Not one single person got his costume; most just thought he was a child molestor.
6. Sheriff Hague – Planet Terror
Biehn plays the role of Sheriff Hague in the over-the-top, uber violent Planet Terror. It’s a bit of a departure for Biehn, as Planet Terror was – intentionally – a crappy B-movie. But B-movies can be a lot of fun, and Biehn definitely had a lot of funny lines. When I saw this in the theater, at first, I was really just hoping it would end so that I could see the second half of the double feature (Deathproof). When I saw Biehn on the screen, though, the movie instantly became a lot more enjoyable. Although maybe that was because my date fell for the popcorn trick. Either way.
Honorable Mention – Metal Gear Box Art
Awesome. Screw Academy Awards, you know you’ve made it when your likeness is on the box of a video game. I’d let him get to second base with me!