Man, All I Got Was Barack Obama

When you graduate, you want your commencement speaker to be someone who is able to inspire you, to say words of wisdom that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

My school, the University of Michigan, had Barack Obama do those honors last year, but I would have much rather had another powerful figure, mother****ing Denzel Washington!

Those lucky SOBs at he University of Pennsylvania (is that the same as Penn State?) somehow wrangled him, and though I don’t have the audio (update: I have audio AND video) it certainly looks like a grand presentation.