From Lea To Angelina: My Cinematic Crushes Through The Decades

The 90’s: Angelina Jolie

I am still convinced the Devil carved this woman out of sin itself.

Listen, if you were a teen in the nineties, and saw Hackers and Foxfire, you could NOT shake this woman from your mind. And then, if you had HBO, and just HAPPENED to catch the movie GIA, your definition of longing was forever changed. No, seriously. She was naked, and so freakishly beautiful in (the beginning) of that movie, it sears itself like a prodding iron, into your male psyche, and NEVER leaves. This was the point in my life when I began to do drugs, and my friends were starting to off themselves and such, and I had discovered the ruining reality of love, so to see a girl so divinely dark, twisted, and sexual, gave me faith that, yet again, there would some perfect, twisted creature who I would pair off with at some point and we would take over the world. I even emulated her in the girls I dated. I could show you pics, and you would pat me on the back, but that wouldn’t be fair to my lady right now. As if she reads these.

The thing that has slowly revealed itself over time with Angelina, though, is just how wounded a creature she is. From the insane relationship with Billy Bob (which triggered some real interest in S&M on my part, actually) to her need to adopt nine hundred children now, it is clear to see that, with something that lovely, there are miles and miles of issues. But in the nineties, it was IMPOSSIBLE to not want this woman, on some level or another. Women didn’t even argue this point back then.

The 2000’s: Rosario Dawson

I, literally, cannot see this picture. It is like looking at the f*cking sun to me.

Alright, by this point, the 2000’s, I was no longer delusional, and the “Hollywood crush” thing, became transparent and laughable to me Yes it took me too long, I admit). Yet, I would only be lying if I were to pretend that Rosario Dawson is not completely awesome, and bewitching, because she is.  What is great about being an adult is, you follow someone on Twitter, or read about them behind the scenes, and you find out how they really are. Rosario is just a  down to earth, nerd-girl, who supports a cavalcade of great charities, and seems incredibly at home in her skin, being exactly what she is. It is hard not to find that beautiful in anyone.

Also, she is as much at home in a nerd role, like she played in Clerks 2, as she is being the sexy woman (think 25th Hour), and across the board, I find myself naturally leaning toward watching any film she appears in. Though it could be said the quality of said roles has deteriorated in the last few years, I can confidently tell you all to not count this woman out. She is too driven to go silently into the night.

More Lust Than Love:

Salma Hayek: Just pure, unbridled sexy, and at her best as a vampire stripper in From Dusk Till Dawn.

Jessica Biehl: She is lovely, and she seems like she is mad legit. “Mad legit” means cool, I think.

Kate Beckinsale: Is it weird that this one just kicked in for me with the Total Recall remake?

And in that single moment, Jimmy’s Make-A-Wish was to become a chair.

Monica Belluci: She is brilliant, and brave, and beautiful, but seeing her get raped for nine minutes is something you can’t unsee.

In closing, if you had any sort of inkling that I have a complete detachment from reality, this article should prove you right. Now if you’ll excuse, me and my soon-to-be-wife, Lea Thompson, need to start wedding planning.

  • J5

    Wow… I was pretty much on the same actress crush cycle with you when it comes to every actress here, EXCEPT for Lea Thompson.

    80’s was all about Kathy Ireland, for me.

    (Hey she was in like 2 80’s movies. Technically an actress.)

  • Todd X

    The 80’s belonged to Linnea Quigley, sure there were more wholesome objects of a crush, but when she was Trash.

    The 90’s…no way crazy eyes. Once you recognize crazy eyes no amount of hotness can overcome the misery that is behind those eyes. That said there was Laura Dern turned out a strong showing in the 90’s, but Juliette Lewis brought a little bit more.

  • ^Very well put. Can’t argue that.

  • E. Lee Zimmerman

    Lea Thompson … oh, yeah. Loved her back in the 80’s and still love her today. Same thing with Diane Lane.
    I just never got the Jolie thing. She looks like she took a hammer to the mouth at some point, and the scarring just stayed that way.
    Beckingsale is a hot property, too.
    No love for Rhona Mitra? Bobbie Phillips?
    I’d have to give the 90’s to Gillian Anderson, myself. I like some brains with my brawn.

  • Eileen

    Kate Beckinsale, definitely a gorgeous woman! I totally agree 🙂 But my 80’s girl crush definitely has to go to Alyssa Milano, hands down lol I’ve never really been a fan of Jolie much, her ginormous lips are too distracting for me, plus she always has that same “facial expression” in every movie lol I still think Jennifer Aniston is hotter, but that’s just me 😉 haha awesome job as always 😉

  • You are all missing the wonderful things ginmormous lips can do.

  • Steve2

    I’m almost certain that the real reason I prefer brunettes over blondes is due to my 3 biggest childhood crushes:

    Mia Sara in “Legend”
    Danica McKellar as Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years
    Tiffany Thiessen as Kelly Kapowski on Saved By the Bell

    Although I did have a bit of a crush on the middle sister on Full House as well.

  • EileeN

    Ohhh Myyyy Goodness! LMAO! Remy, you’re funny LOL 😉

  • Oddjob

    90’s: Lori Loughlin.
    00’s: Natalie Portman.
    10’s: Emma Stone.

  • John

    I had an awesome encounter with Lea Thompson several years ago. She was in St. Louis filming a TV movie and was at a bar I used to frequent. Everyone knew who she was but no one wanted to be the first to approach her. A couple of hours go by and I am standing at the bar when she comes up and asks me where the restrooms are located. I tell her and off she goes. When she comes back she walks by me and I say “Lea, I just wanted to let you know that ‘Howard the Duck’ is my most favorite movie ever.” Not strictly true but I figured she got enough comments about “Back to the Future.” She looks at me and says, “Dude, you ROCK!” and gives me a high five and a kiss on the cheek.

  • @ Steve2, Mia Sara for the epic win. Yes, I LOVED that woman. Whcih also reminded me I should have gone with young Jennifer Connelly.
    @ John, you win my 100% respect with that move, sir.