From Lea To Angelina: My Cinematic Crushes Through The Decades

Ah, young love. How I remember thee well. I was just an innocent lad, and for whatever reason, it was these woman who spoke to the sleeping parts of my soul long before I knew there were sleeping parts to my soul. We all develop our celluloid crushes differently, and I can tell you the specific elements that added up to make mine.

Pretty was a essential part in it (as we are raised in a shallow, superficial society, that is an almost unavoidable pratfall) but moreso, I seemed to respond to woman that coincided with that specific stage in my life. In other words, when I was young and innocent, I was drawn to actresses who seemed to embody that, and as I grew darker, so did my celluloid crushes. Not literally, mind you. That would be kind of racist. Also, look at this piece as a companion piece to this piece, which is about horror movie woman who I find alluring. This is to make up for the “Ryan Gosling is dreamy” article from last week. Also, I like to do sports.

The 80’s: Lea Thompson

What is that, Lea, you are madly in love with me and find me incredibly charming and well-read? Go on.

Want to hear about as cute a story as you are ever likely to hear on Unreality (from me, anyway)? I was a young boy, second grade, and I was madly in love with two things: Lea Thompson and writing. So it made sense to me to combine the two. I ended up having my Mom find out the address of her agent, and I wrote her a letter. Sadly, I cannot recall a single thing that I wrote in that letter, though I can recall doodling on the envelope, and dropping it in the mail. I also recall my heart slowly breaking across eight weeks, as the mailbox remained empty and I never heard back from her. But, as a small, Pisces child, I did the only thing I knew how to do. Kept loving her.

*Cue audience going AWWWWWW

Honestly, though, I will tell you what caused me to love her. Yes, I say love, because, to me, back then, it was. First, it was Back to the Future. It was this ‘she is so pretty, and so sweet’ spell I got under initially. Then, I saw Howard the Duck, which may have been a bad film, but as I have told you before, I f*cking LOVED it! And I loved that this (faux) hot, punk-rock chick could love a duck. That really convinced me she could love a weird kid.

Sad to say, this was the first movie that convinced me maybe someone WOULD love a freak like me one day.

Lastly, she was in a movie not enough of you saw called Some Kind Of Wonderful (John Hughes, guys, come on!) and even though she played the “pretty and perfect girl”, that was all it took to cement her as the single greatest woman in the world to me, besides my Mother, ofcourse. She also set the tone for a romantic life wrought with constant disappointment, which was good, too.

In a sweet final note to the story, I hit her up on Twitter this year about how I spent a great deal of my adolescence planning on how I would propose to her, to which she simply responded with: I do. For me, that was WAY better than any autograph I could have hung on my wall, and was well worth the twenty year wait.

  • J5

    Wow… I was pretty much on the same actress crush cycle with you when it comes to every actress here, EXCEPT for Lea Thompson.

    80’s was all about Kathy Ireland, for me.

    (Hey she was in like 2 80’s movies. Technically an actress.)

  • Todd X

    The 80’s belonged to Linnea Quigley, sure there were more wholesome objects of a crush, but when she was Trash.

    The 90’s…no way crazy eyes. Once you recognize crazy eyes no amount of hotness can overcome the misery that is behind those eyes. That said there was Laura Dern turned out a strong showing in the 90’s, but Juliette Lewis brought a little bit more.

  • ^Very well put. Can’t argue that.

  • E. Lee Zimmerman

    Lea Thompson … oh, yeah. Loved her back in the 80’s and still love her today. Same thing with Diane Lane.
    I just never got the Jolie thing. She looks like she took a hammer to the mouth at some point, and the scarring just stayed that way.
    Beckingsale is a hot property, too.
    No love for Rhona Mitra? Bobbie Phillips?
    I’d have to give the 90’s to Gillian Anderson, myself. I like some brains with my brawn.

  • Eileen

    Kate Beckinsale, definitely a gorgeous woman! I totally agree 🙂 But my 80’s girl crush definitely has to go to Alyssa Milano, hands down lol I’ve never really been a fan of Jolie much, her ginormous lips are too distracting for me, plus she always has that same “facial expression” in every movie lol I still think Jennifer Aniston is hotter, but that’s just me 😉 haha awesome job as always 😉

  • You are all missing the wonderful things ginmormous lips can do.

  • Steve2

    I’m almost certain that the real reason I prefer brunettes over blondes is due to my 3 biggest childhood crushes:

    Mia Sara in “Legend”
    Danica McKellar as Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years
    Tiffany Thiessen as Kelly Kapowski on Saved By the Bell

    Although I did have a bit of a crush on the middle sister on Full House as well.

  • EileeN

    Ohhh Myyyy Goodness! LMAO! Remy, you’re funny LOL 😉

  • Oddjob

    90’s: Lori Loughlin.
    00’s: Natalie Portman.
    10’s: Emma Stone.

  • John

    I had an awesome encounter with Lea Thompson several years ago. She was in St. Louis filming a TV movie and was at a bar I used to frequent. Everyone knew who she was but no one wanted to be the first to approach her. A couple of hours go by and I am standing at the bar when she comes up and asks me where the restrooms are located. I tell her and off she goes. When she comes back she walks by me and I say “Lea, I just wanted to let you know that ‘Howard the Duck’ is my most favorite movie ever.” Not strictly true but I figured she got enough comments about “Back to the Future.” She looks at me and says, “Dude, you ROCK!” and gives me a high five and a kiss on the cheek.

  • @ Steve2, Mia Sara for the epic win. Yes, I LOVED that woman. Whcih also reminded me I should have gone with young Jennifer Connelly.
    @ John, you win my 100% respect with that move, sir.