From Lea To Angelina: My Cinematic Crushes Through The Decades

Ah, young love. How I remember thee well. I was just an innocent lad, and for whatever reason, it was these woman who spoke to the sleeping parts of my soul long before I knew there were sleeping parts to my soul. We all develop our celluloid crushes differently, and I can tell you the specific elements that added up to make mine.

Pretty was a essential part in it (as we are raised in a shallow, superficial society, that is an almost unavoidable pratfall) but moreso, I seemed to respond to woman that coincided with that specific stage in my life. In other words, when I was young and innocent, I was drawn to actresses who seemed to embody that, and as I grew darker, so did my celluloid crushes. Not literally, mind you. That would be kind of racist. Also, look at this piece as a companion piece to this piece, which is about horror movie woman who I find alluring. This is to make up for the “Ryan Gosling is dreamy” article from last week. Also, I like to do sports.

The 80’s: Lea Thompson

What is that, Lea, you are madly in love with me and find me incredibly charming and well-read? Go on.

Want to hear about as cute a story as you are ever likely to hear on Unreality (from me, anyway)? I was a young boy, second grade, and I was madly in love with two things: Lea Thompson and writing. So it made sense to me to combine the two. I ended up having my Mom find out the address of her agent, and I wrote her a letter. Sadly, I cannot recall a single thing that I wrote in that letter, though I can recall doodling on the envelope, and dropping it in the mail. I also recall my heart slowly breaking across eight weeks, as the mailbox remained empty and I never heard back from her. But, as a small, Pisces child, I did the only thing I knew how to do. Kept loving her.

*Cue audience going AWWWWWW

Honestly, though, I will tell you what caused me to love her. Yes, I say love, because, to me, back then, it was. First, it was Back to the Future. It was this ‘she is so pretty, and so sweet’ spell I got under initially. Then, I saw Howard the Duck, which may have been a bad film, but as I have told you before, I f*cking LOVED it! And I loved that this (faux) hot, punk-rock chick could love a duck. That really convinced me she could love a weird kid.

Sad to say, this was the first movie that convinced me maybe someone WOULD love a freak like me one day.

Lastly, she was in a movie not enough of you saw called Some Kind Of Wonderful (John Hughes, guys, come on!) and even though she played the “pretty and perfect girl”, that was all it took to cement her as the single greatest woman in the world to me, besides my Mother, ofcourse. She also set the tone for a romantic life wrought with constant disappointment, which was good, too.

In a sweet final note to the story, I hit her up on Twitter this year about how I spent a great deal of my adolescence planning on how I would propose to her, to which she simply responded with: I do. For me, that was WAY better than any autograph I could have hung on my wall, and was well worth the twenty year wait.


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  1. J5 November 26, 2012
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