Eight Actors Who Need to Get Their Shit Together in the New Year

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It’s a new year, and a time for fresh starts, which is something that I think each of these actors featured here needs in 2010. I believe all of them either are, or have the potential to be, great actors, and it’s just a series of poor decisions that have led them to a lull or a low point in their otherwise good careers. They just need to buckle down and get their shit together this year.

Check out the list below and see if you agree with me. I only hate because I love.

1. Gerard Butler

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He made his debut as one of the most badass heroes in history, fighting abnormally tall Persians in 300, but since then has felt the need to “soften” his image with horrible rom com after horrible rom com.

The man needs to understand that he could be one of our next great action heroes if he wanted to be. Law Abiding Citizen was almost excellent, and it proved he’s not a one hit wonder. He needs to start being more choosy with his roles and get this idea that he needs to be in touch with his feminine side out of his head completely.

2. Johnny Depp

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Depp is one of our generation’s greatest actors, and frankly, I’m tired of seeing him tie himself to a floundering director, no matter how good of friends they may be. Tim Burton’s goth reimaginings of classics may be fun art projects, but they haven’t produced a good movie in quite some time.

Depp was fantastic as John Dillinger in Public Enemies this year, and it proves he needs more Burton-less roles to show his range. Also, he should in no way feel obligated to take the plastic wrap off of Jack Sparrow just because Disney tells him to. Depp of a decade ago would have probably told the corporation to go f*ck themselves, not ask “how high” when they tell him to jump.

3. Bruce Willis

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It seems to me that Bruce Willis has been lost in the woods for some time now, wandering aimlessly from forgettable role to forgettable role, not really knowing where he belongs anymore.

His return to Die Hard could have been a triumph, but through really no fault of his own, it was complete shit, mostly due to the studio’s PG-13 requirements and some epically awful writing. He has a cameo in the upcoming The Expendables, and in my opinion, he should take a page from Stallone and start kicking some ass again, no matter how old and bald he is. He should have been in Taken, not Surrogates, in From Paris with Love not Cop Out and he’s only got so many more strikes before we write him off completely.

4. Dwayne Johnson

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It’s standard practice for an action star to do a kids movie or two, but after not even establishing himself in the kick-ass genre, the man seems now to be filming awful children movies and literally nothing else.

I know you took a lot of shit for Doom, Dwayne, but get back on that horse. The Rundown was awesome, Walking Tall was decent and you have the build and acting chops to be a great action star. But I guess it’s only your mission if you choose to accept it

5. Tom Hanks

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Here’s a question. Name the last movie Tom Hanks was in.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Time.

The answer? Angels and Demons. Yeah, forgot about that shit didn’t you?

Tom Hanks, in my opinion, is one of the greatest actors of all time. Therefore, I believe it’s time for him to snap out of whatever odd acting draught he’s in and make some good movies again. It’s not like he’s lost his edge, he’s just made some poor choices recently and needs something stellar to return him to glory. No, voicing Woody in Toy Story 3 does not count.

6. Kevin Spacey

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Another one of my favorite actors, but in recent years, I’ve been nothing but disappointed with Spacey’s film choices. Overlooking his odd cameo voicing GERTY in Moon, his roles in The Men Who Stare at Goats, 21, Fred Claus and Superman Returns have all been beneath him, and I can’t believe it’s now been over ten years since American Beauty came out, which I really consider to be his last great role (though he was pretty excellent in HBO’s minimovie, Recount).

He needs a project that fully utilizes his dramatic range, playing hack villain characters, which seems to be his recent M.O. is just sort of sad to watch, and hopefully he’ll step things up in the coming year.

7. Tom Cruise

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You did it Tom Cruise, you successfully survived to the point where it’s no longer funny to make fun of you. Congratulations. On that note, it’s time to start making good movies again, and not ones that you require to play a Nazi war hero while speaking perfect American English.

Character for character, I think Cruise is one of the best actors around today, despites his personal life insanity. Look at his film catalog, the man does make very, very few bad movies. After a recent slip up with Valkyrie, and some crazy couch jumping, I think it’s time to start being open minded about taking the man seriously (as an actor) again, and he needs to line up some movies to prove our faith is warranted.

8. Luke Wilson

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Jesus Christ man, what the hell happened to you? You were in one of the greatest comedies of the decade (Old School), did a few shitty rom coms/kids movies (Hoot, My Super Ex Girlfriend), had a non-speaking extra’s role (3:10 to Yuma), did a straight to DVD movie with Jessica Simpsons (Blonde Ambition) and now you’re doing extremely misleading AT&T commercials? That, is what you call a nose dive. It’s like watching a buddy of mine smoke a joint then nine months later he’s robbing liquor stores for Crystal Meth money.

I’ve no idea just what happened to make your career tank this much Luke, you’re a talent actor. You were great in Old School, The Royal Tennenbaums and Idiocracy, so I know you have potential. Just start making better career decisions before you lose what little credibility you have left.


19 Comments

  1. Madison January 4, 2010
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